Mastering the Parent and Child Screen Time Struggle

The key is to teach your child to monitor their own screen time. You can do this first by creating an environment and routine that subtly and naturally sets limits on technology and offers fun and enticing activities. That way you don’t have to exert as much effort in policing your child’s screen time. Then, slowly start to involve your child in your choices on creating this ideal environment.

What does that mean, exactly? And how do you make it happen?

Sometimes all a child needs to stop watching TV is to find something else he or she is truly passionate about. Your son or daughter may discover an athlete, a bookworm, a musician, a chess player, an artist, a scientist, a gardener or an actor lying dormant inside of them.

 

There are hundreds of hobbies to explore. Perhaps a good place to start would be to go through a list with your child and see what interests them most. You can print out an online list and ask your child to circle the ones that look interesting.

Then talk about ways to help them explore those hobbies. Is there a club or sport at school they can join? Would private lessons be useful? Can you buy them a kit or instrument of some kind? If you don’t think you can afford what interests them, consider giving up or selling a form of technology to make room in your budget for this new hobby.

How many people do you know who stay up all night watching documentaries or PBS? I don’t know anyone. But people like them all the same.

Have you ever seen this video?

If there is anyone who understood the value of educational media, it was Fred Rogers of Mister Roger’s Neighbourhood. He didn’t just teach children about numbers and letters; he taught valuable social skills.

If your child wants to watch TV, teach them to love PBS or CuriosityStream.com. Offer computer games that are educational, like Oregon Trail or Abcya.com.

50 Educational Video Games that Homeschoolers Love offers a whole host of resources of alternative video games that are both fun and educational.

“Enjoy Screens, Not too Much, Mostly Together.”

• When your child begs to use the internet, respond with an enthusiastic yes and ask them to show you a short YouTube video, game, cartoon or article of their choice. When it’s over, redirect them to another fun activity that you know they will enjoy on their own.
• Initiate a weekly family movie night.
• Place your family computer in the living room.
• Does someone in your family know how to code? Why not teach your child basic coding skills?
• Sit your children down and explain a new house rule very clearly: they can play two hours of video games or watch one movie together, but only if they can do so peacefully and collaboratively. If they start to fight, take away that privilege immediately and without discussion for the rest of the day or week. Ask your children to agree to this rule and hold them to it. Draft it into a family contract, if you have one.
• When you use your smartphone in front of your child, model productive behavior and engage them in what you are doing. For example, you can say, “I’m texting Carol to ask her to bring a salad to the potluck, or “I’m looking up directions to the gym,” as you do just that.

 

“My kids say they are the only ones at school who don’t own phones…I don’t know that we can put off buying them phones forever. As a child, my parents strictly limited candy. Now when I have candy I go overboard every time…I feel like if we are too strict with certain things it creates a need in the child to force the limits and go overboard. I’m wondering if we’re doing that to our kids by being so strict about screen time.”

Phones and social media accounts are powerful tools for communicating and maintaining healthy social relationships. They can also be a serious source of depression and addiction, especially for adolescents. How can you help your children be educated and self-motivated to use these tools appropriately and be happy? Here are some ideas:

• If you have more than one child, don’t be afraid to prayerfully tailor your plans to each child’s needs and struggles. It may be that one child will get a Facebook account or smartphone at age 12, while another needs to wait until they are 16 or even 18.
• Hold a Family Home Evening in which you watch Elder Bednar’s talk, “Things as They Really Are.” Initiate an engaging discussion about the potential pitfalls of social media, smartphones and other screens.
• Hold another Family Home Evening covering another one of Elder Bednar’s talks, “To Sweep the Earth as with a Flood.” Talk about ways that you and your children can use social media and other forms of technology to spread the gospel and other positive messages.
• Start by giving them flip phones. Later, if your children prove themselves trustworthy, give them a smartphone.
• If your child has a part-time job, allowance, or another form of income, consider having them pay all or part of the cost of their phone bill. In the long run, they will probably be more responsible about monitoring their data usage and time on their phone.
• Make your home a phone-free zone. When your children come home from school, they put their phones in the basket.
• Initiate monthly or quarterly “phone fasts” or “social media fasts,” like the one that President Nelson initiated at a youth fireside recently. One adult opens up about her experience with phone fasts as a teen, saying: “In the beginning, it bugged me because I felt cut off from everyone. I made up a bunch of excuses for why I didn’t need it. But in the end, I always found I had a clear vision and a clear mind.”

Create Contracts in a Family Council

Once your family members have been educated about both the powers and dangers of technology, it may be time to counsel with them—Elder Ballard style. You may want to have limited councils with just you, your spouse, and each of your children, or a larger council with the whole family.

Here is the opportunity for you to work together to create a realistic family plan and individual plans. You can brainstorm ideas, discuss implementation, and draft written contracts for each child. Then have each of your children sign the contract(s). You may even want to hang it up in each child’s room.

This is a key component of your plan where your child’s agency can play a powerful role in their obedience. The more your children are involved in drafting the contract, the more they will be likely to follow it. You can encourage participation by respecting any ideas they have about how to implement what they are learning and congratulating them on their choices to be more responsible with their screen time.

Somewhere down the road, you may find that some parts of the contract, including ideas that you found in this article, are just not working for your family. If this happens, don’t hesitate to hold another council and adjust the contract as necessary.

Mastering the parent and child screen time struggle can be a daunting task, but the war is worth it. The key is to win your child over to your side. How do you win? Consider this scripture (with a word change or two):

“No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of [parenthood], only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; that he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.”