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      Mormon Hub Rules - Please be familiar with these rules before posting   04/17/08

      Any views expressed on Mormon Hub are independent of and do not represent the views of Mormon Hub, More Good Foundation, or Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Site Rules 1. Do not post, upload, or otherwise submit anything to the site that is derogatory towards The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, its teachings, or its leaders. Anti-LDS Propaganda will not be tolerated anywhere. 2. Please be conscious of the fact that although Mormon Hub is aimed towards an LDS audience, that the membership of this site consists of friends from an array of different backgrounds, beliefs, and cultures. Please be respectful and courteous to all, and know that everyone who is willing to follow the Rules and Terms of Mormon Hub are welcome to participate and be a member of Mormon Hub. Keep in mind that anything posted, uploaded, or otherwise displayed on the site should be understandable to friends of other faiths as well as to members. Please define any LDS vocabulary that friends of other faiths may not understand (i.e. Mutual, Relief Society, and Deacon.) 3. Personal attacks, name calling, flaming, and judgments against other members will not be tolerated. 4. No bickering and nit-picking toward others. Realize that sometimes it is very difficult to be able to express how one feels through written words. Please be courteous and ask for a further explanation, rather then trying to attack and find holes in someone else's post. 5. No cursing or crude language. Any swearing, including filter skipping, will result in an automatic one week suspension. 6. Posting issues you have with a moderator or administrator anywhere on the site will not be allowed. Please follow the chain of authority if you have any concerns. Any such posts will be removed and the poster will be subject to the consequences of breaking the rules. List of site moderators Course of action that should be taken if you have a concern: - Send a message directly to the moderator you have a concern about. If you are unable to work out the problem then, - Send a message to the head moderators. - If after you have approached both avenues, you may then send a message to Heather; however know that Heather is very unlikely to over rule anything that has been sanctioned by the moderators and head moderators. 7. Multiple accounts are not allowed and will result in all accounts being banned from the site. 8. Please do not share any "true" or "faith promoting" stories, unless you can verify the source. 9. Do not post any copyrighted material, unless the copyright is owned by you. 10. Bigoted/racial/ethnic comments will not be tolerated. Political Neutrality Policy More Good Foundation, as a nonprofit foundation, must remain neutral with respect to partisan politics and candidate campaigns for public office. The foundation encourages its members and staff to be informed about political issues and to be engaged in civic life; however, it does not endorse or oppose any political parties, candidates, or platforms. Mormon Hub will allow political discussion, also long as all posts remain neutral with respect to partisan politics and candidate campaigns for public office. You may not use the site to show support, endorse, oppose or sanction any candidate. In addition, all posts must be respectful and sensitive to readers of all political beliefs and backgrounds. Any post that violates any of the above conditions will be dealt with according to the consequences of breaking the rules. As a non-profit organization, 501©3, we are governed by legal constraints relative to writing, blogging, or otherwise endorsing any candidate running for political office. The law states, in effect, that no one acting on behalf of the nonprofit can intervene directly or indirectly in the election process by endorsing a political candidate. Any post that speaks favorably about one candidate, even in a religious context, can be construed as indirect intervention in the election process. While journalists are presently exempt from this provision, bloggers and forum-members are not. 12. You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use this site to post any material which is knowingly false and/or defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, or otherwise in violation of any law. 13. You will not use this site to solicit the sale of any product, service or website. You will not use this site to promote a money making venture or contest. 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  2. Well, if she's going to use articles as her reasoning, then share some with her about teachers being under-paid and over-worked and then ask her to prevent you from starving.
  3. First - Sorry you're dealing with this. It's unfortunate that your kids are being enabled, crippled and stunted in their growth. Some good insights have already been shared but I'm wondering if the underlying issue is that if your wife doesn't 'help' them with money, that she won't feel needed and/or loved by them. I also see the kids as part of the problem. They are way too comfortable accepting all this 'help' so I would be asking them some questions. Maybe they think mom will feel slighted if they turn it down so they don't or maybe they see Sam getting money and they don't think it's fair if they don't get their piece of the pie as well. There are a myriad of possibilities but I think some discussions need to be had. Money issues usually aren't about money so I hope you can work through whatever the issues really are.
  4. While I don't believe finances is a reason for divorce; the fact of the matter is that financial decisions and arguments over finances is the #1 reason for divorce. Unfortunately, this is a problem that should have been solved long, long ago with your wife and because it wasn't solved many moons ago it has caused a much, much bigger problem. This is precisely why your children have problems-she has never let them be responsible for their own lives. This probably started when they were young and she wanted them to live a good life; not realizing that as a parent you can teach but you can't live their life for them-which is what she is trying to do. This is also why (as much as people complain about rich inheritances) wealth does not pass three generations. The 1st generation worked hard, by the sweat of their brow and built something, the second generation has it a little bit easier but saw the hardwork of the parents and tries to do the same, by the time the 3rd generation roles around the kids are spoiled brats who can't do jack for themselves. The very wealthy families (who's wealth has passed down through generations) teach their kids very, very differently; kids who are slackers are cut off-everyone is expected to work hard, etc. I completely agree you need to get control of the situation-without causing a divorce. The only way you are going to completely solve the problem is for you and her to get on the same page-for that, she needs to understand at a very deep emotional level the massive problems she is causing with your children's lives by providing them with financial funds (they will never be financially stable on their own, their own self-worth will be less, etc.). I don't know how that is going to happen at this stage . . . Baring a complete mindset change on her part, probably the best you can do is find some compromise you both can live with. Giving your wife 200k/year for the needs of the family is a lot of money; that isn't needs that is 200k/year for wants. If you are providing 200k/year to her but then complaining about the 100k/year she gives to the kids-you are doing it wrong man. Think of it this way . . . if as an employer you give your employees 50k/year and then they take 20k and blow it on shopping do you get upset at them? No, b/c it is their money to do with as they see fit. If you give her 200k/year then you can't complain with what she does with the money as long as the actual needs not wants of your family is paid for. A huge part of this life is learning how to give people responsibility over things and then letting them fail or do with it how they see fit. You have given your wife responsibility over 200k/year and obviously she is being irresponsible with that money (in your opinion and in mine-but not in her opinion). So what do you do? I don't know-this should have been solved a long time ago, if you don't nip things in the bud they can get real, real bad. I would start of with obviously she doesn't need 200k/year so dial that back-what is appropriate, I have no idea, but obviously 100k/year isn't since she blows that on the kids. No if you go from 200k to 100k/year that is probably going to cause some major problems. Do you scale it back gradually or rip the bandaid off (which might be a turniquet that is keeping blood from going everywhere). And finally, is a divorce really going to solve this problem? My guess is that a lot of things are tied together in your names and since you are fairly well off she will most likely get a significant portion of your income-which may amount to 200k/year??? In that case, she continues to do the same-except you've now lost your wife. My condolences and good luck!
  5. Today
  6. I really like this. Sometimes it helps to remind myself that these talks are given for a very wide audience...worldwide, for heavens sake. I ask myself, if I had the opportunity to sit down with him, and discuss this would it help? I've never sat down to an interview with an apostle, but I do talk to Heavenly Father daily and receive answers through the Holy Ghost. THAT communication tells me that my occasional misunderstandings or differences with the Leaders could be resolved one on one.
  7. @Mike count me in as being an Environmentalist! @MormonGator I never used to recycle or what not . . . but then I was asked to give a talk on Environmentalism in Sacrament meeting. I thought that was an odd topic for Sacrament meeting (I still do), but I decided that it was a great opportunity to challenge my "every talk should be centered in Christ" mantra. So I did some research and found a couple quotes from our Leaders (I can't remember what they were it's been a couple years) but the bottom line was this: (Analogy) When my boys went on their missions to third world countries, I obsessed over finding them shoes that could last the whole two years. The reason being I knew from experience how hard missionaries are on shoes, and how hard it is to find a decent pair of shoes in a third world country on a missionary budget. They were going to be so far away, and I knew they would experience hard times. I couldn't go with them, but I could at least help them with this one thing to make them more comfortable. I think of the earth, as kind of like those shoes. Christ (the Creator) knew that for our growth we needed to spend some time "away" from Heavenly Father, and He knew that this time would be hard for us so He created a beautiful world to help ease the journey a bit, and to provide for our needs. Sure my little bit of recycling, or whatever else I do is a drop in the bucket....but I can't help but think it would be ungrateful of me not to do my part. The earth is a loving gift from Father and how we treat it shows that we remember that. That was the gist of my talk. I don't know what it did for anyone else, but I have been doing my best to take care of the earth every since. And the shoes? Did they last? Yes, my second son is due to come home and June. He had been reluctant to accept my shoe suggestion because Fisherman sandals...(which are appropriate for his mission...but my mission was in the same climate so I know!!!) didn't fit his sense of style, and he's frugal and didn't want to pay that much for shoes. They are holding up, and he is grateful to have shoes that breathe. He said he learned, "Always trust a woman when it comes to shoes." LOL. ETA: I don't recall which quotes I used in my talk, but here's a great link: https://www.lds.org/topics/environmental-stewardship-and-conservation?lang=eng&old=true
  8. No drama with a Lama. Dead or alive, but better having crossed the Jordan, it gives you a good blanket, and, seen from this point of view, it's around here anywhere in your sleeping rooms.
  9. I agree with DoctorLemon. I also agree with you that adult children should not be getting this much support, and I can imagine that the arguments and stress over finances have taken a toll on your relationship. I totally get that, and you have my sympathy. However, I don't think this is a reason for divorce. As DoctorLemon said, first thing to do is strike the idea of divorce from your vocabulary. Tell yourself that is not an option, and then decide what to do. I think that you two could benefit from a third party mediator...perhaps the Bishop or a marriage counselor? To tell the truth, I think your wife's need to help the children so much is unhealthy, and so one of the first steps is to figure out what is driving that. Of course, another important step will be rebuilding your relationship. I think you will need some help....there's nothing wrong with needing help now and then, so don't be afraid to seek it out.
  10. Can I be frank? Life is very short, and in a few short years, you (and me, and everyone else) will have passed on and your "financial shape" is not going to matter one bit. However, whether you are married or not is going to matter very, very much. What you described would be a horrible reason for divorce. It would be tantamount to throwing away your birthright for a mess of pottage. It is not adultery, addiction, or abuse (the three Church-sanctioned reasons to get a divorce). Do not let crass materialism or a frivolous power struggle get in the way of your exaltation. (And don't fool yourself - if you blow it in this marriage, you very well may not get another chance). What would I do in this situation? I would certainly try and reason with my wife. Maybe even ask to talk things out with a marriage counselor and try to find some compromise everyone could agree with. However, if my wife were adamant in controlling the finances, do you know what I would do? I would let her have control and save my marriage. I would live in a van if I had to and her decisions were that destabilizing. Is it worth losing eternity over a frivolous power struggle with your wife, or over finances, or because you think your wife's approach to raising your adult children is wrong? I think not. Let go of the crass materialism, let go of the need to "win" the power struggle, strike "divorce" from your vocabulary, and focus on maintaining and improving what is truly important - your eternal marriage, the only thing you are going to be able to take with you after this life is over.
  11. My wife and I argue incessantly about financial support for children and as a result I am seriously considering divorce. All my children (5) are adults and yet my wife deems it necessary to pay for their cars (even though the child whose car is being paid for has been loaned another car, to be used by his spouse, by my wife) and provide other assistance (paying car insurance, cell phones etc.) that is detrimental to our financial security. That assistance has totaled more than $100 000 in the last 3 years. My wife continues to help the children even though she had promised me on numerous occasions she would not do so. She has used funds put aside for taxes and I have had to scramble like mad to ensure that somehow the funds would be available to meet tax obligations. When I find out that she has been in breach of her commitment to me I get mad and that becomes the subject of the discussion. She claims that she does not speak to me about helping the children financially because I get mad. I have been very generous with the children and if critical I have always given my approval (food money). I feel betrayed when she lies to me. In my mind she worries that I may say no and then to avoid that she helps them and lies about it. I have taken away her capacity to help children unilaterally by removing her from my account and she is furious with me. She believes that our mistakes as parents means we have a responsibility to help them financially. I do not trust my wife with financial matters and that is impacting her feelings toward me and making her very cold and distant. She is provided $200 000 a yr after taxes to provide for the needs of the family with a total of $48 000 for mortgage payments and $12 000 in debt payments, leaving $140 000 for every day expenses such as car insurance, food, utilities, life insurance, cell phones, etc. I am of the firm belief that I have every right to refuse to help adult children and to have them find solutions to their financial difficulties and in the process understand what it means to be an adult. I would prefer that we discuss each situation based on its merits and that if either parent says no then the help should not be forthcoming. She is of the opinion that she gets to decide unilaterally as she understands their needs and emotional state better than I do. I have no idea how to resolve this conflict without getting a divorce.
  12. A while back I remember hearing in Elder's quorum a story about a man (I could have sworn it was from one of the prophets in the "Teachings of the Prophets" series) and I cannot for the life of me find it. It's driving me nuts and was hoping there might be someone here who can point me in the right direction. Here's the gist of it: He is at a sermon and hears that the Lord blesses you for paying tithing of some sort (maybe it was just a donation, I don't remember exactly). He was having a financial issue and needed to raise more money than what he had and couldn't figure out a way to do it. He decided to donate all of his money, having faith that the Lord would bless him to be able to get the sum of money that he needed. He then said on his way home, an idea came to him about how he could raise the money that he needed. I love this story but for the life of me, have not been able to find it. Anyone out there remember where this came from?
  13. It says that it will be this earth where Heavenly Father will place his throne to reign forever.
  14. Scriptures say that the earth will become the Celestial Kingdom after the Millennium but where are those who have already been exalted and Heavenly Father and Jesus live, a different Celestial Kingdom? Or is the earth not really going to be our final dwelling place?
  15. Just tell her: I'm sorry, but in today's world, I could get into a lot of trouble if I gave unapproved (by the school) food to any of my students. I'm not even sure if it's legal. So I'm not sure who wrote that article that you referred to. But if you choose to send something, I'd be glad to keep it on hand for your child.
  16. Doggonit!! You're making it really difficult to disagree with you. Can't you say some things I can't accept. Sheesh! It's like you want me to like you or something.
  17. Uuhhmmm... Trying not to judge...
  18. There are so many factors that none of us really know where we come from and yet we are asking to know the whereabouts of the native American Indian and their lineage when so much intermingling took place for hundreds abd hundreds of years. My wife has a great great great grandmother that was full blood Cherokee (wife was stolen or traded for!) and in some generations you can definitely see the fine lines by the eyes and darker skin and yet my wife looks nothing like a Cherokee and is the bloodline of Ephraim. Not sure also why it matters, especially in the face of too many unknowns to make heads or tails out of anything.
  19. A wealthy man recognized how blessed he'd been no matter what his conditions, for he always knew what to do and when to do it. He wanted to share that blessing with others. So, left his wealthy home and the care of his many business ventures to care for those who needed it. He spent time with those who were chronically ill. He spent much of his wealth and time on giving such aid. He went among the homeless to see how he could lift them up out of poverty. He even went so far as to offer them a small apartment to live in with a phone and internet connection so they could look for work and expand their knowledge of things. He provided them a small stipend to live on. He even offered to pay for an education if they so chose. One refused the offer of help. He actually relished the freedom of not having to live in society. He was apart from it. He preferred to live in a homeless state. Never would he accept his offer of help. To him, it was not help. It was painful to think of having to follow rules. A second man actually accepted the help at first. But they eventually fell back into old ways of drugs and crime which caused them to eventually get evicted from the apartment. He was forever like the first. Couldn't follow any rules. A third took his help and lived very peaceably in the tiny apartment. They used the internet for playing games and watching Youtube videos. They took the stipend and used a small amount for liquor. Never enough to keep from having food. But enough that they couldn't keep a job. So, they mostly led a peaceful and satisfied life by having food, clothing, and shelter. They didn't ever believe there was more, nor that they could ever achieve more. A fourth was similar, but did keep a minimum wage job. And he was content. He never thought he could do more either. A fifth man used the resources he had to get a job and an education. He eventually grew to be a successful professional. He got married and had children and raised them well. And they were happy. And a sixth man did likewise, even better than the first. And because of his wealth he was able to donate to charities and to other good causes. And the wealthy man looked at him and said he had done well. And he was proud of him. Finally, a seventh man did as the fifth and sixth. But instead of being satisfied with a professional career, he parlayed his experience, connections, savings, and all his resources to building his own business. He constantly sought advice from the benefactor. He copied his thoughts, his actions, his learning. He did all he could to be just like him. He followed exactly in his footsteps as much as he could. He created a financial empire to make his benefactor proud. He then gave of his wealth to the same efforts of his benefactor. He looked for the homeless and brought them to his benefactor for the same program to help the homeless, the sick, and the poor. The benefactor went to this seventh man and embraced him. "Well done," he said. "You have become a a benefactor yourself." The seventh man, believing he had done something wrong, went to him and said,"No, I couldn't have done any of this without you. All I've done and will ever do I owe to you. And you did it for no other reason than you cared for me. I'll always follow in your footsteps. I'll always do all you've done so I can be all you've been." The benefactor then explained.
  20. I totally agree with you.
  21. Amen. Well said. My thoughts as well.
  22. His final conclusion was that he received exactly what he needed to receive. I believe his initial "hatred" of the blessing was merely a reflection of what he actually felt at the time he received it. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt and will believe that he was expressing it because many actually are quite disappointed at the scant content of the blessing. Remember, this article isn't really meant for many who were very satisfied with their blessing (scant or not). It was written to those others who were disappointed (scant or not). So, let him show some empathy to draw them in, and carry them through to acceptance, which he finally did.
  23. http://music.byu.edu/commercial-music/degree-programs-admissions/
  24. I understand. I agree with zil, there is a better way to approach it. There have been some very good articles on mormonhub, like: https://mormonhub.com/blog/faith/learning-surrender-gods-will/ but contrast the above to this article. The approach, the overall messaging, completely different articles, but in many ways related. Ultimately, a PB is about learning to surrender to what God would have us do in this life-even if it is just to live a plain ol' boring life, go on a mission, raise a family, or even if he doesn't give us a whole lot of instructions. Some PBs might contain a whole slew of things, some might not, but ultimately it is about learning to surrender ourselves to what God wants us to do in our lives. And my guess is that if one does have an awe-inspiring PB, when you are young it might seem cool and awesome but the older you get the more weight and responsibility you might feel. If it said, "you will one be called as a prophet" a young kid will say oh that's awesome!! and then as he matures it might be, "wow, that is heavy-how can I possibly live up to that" and then it might even crush him. I trust in what the Lord tells each one of use through the PB-if it is "plain" for some reason it is that way; but I don't think being "plain" is bad. We learn (if we stay worthy in this life) that we are all if we live worthily Kings, Priests, Queens, Priestesses, etc. What could be more awesome than that!! And when we boil it all down, what could be better in life than living a simple Christ centered life, focused on raising a righteous family? Everything and anything else we do in life should always be appendages to raising a righteous family.
  25. Thanks for sharing I hope you continue to have success and happiness in any area your young life leads you. Im not into clubbing but me and my brother used to DJ in High school and College (back in the late 90's) and It was a great way for me to be in the scene without having to be in the scene if you know what i mean. Seeing how the music industry has grown because of the internet and how the DJ profession it self has taken off makes for a good dream of what things could have been if I stuck with it. I recently read an article of a Mormon DJ in vegas doing pretty well for himself and still living by the LDS standards. I think the world needs to know that Mormons are normal just like anyone else and we can still live and thrive in any environment without sacrificing our values. http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/07/26/the-straight-edge-mormon-dj-taking-over-the-world.html
  26. Yes, very interesting indeed. Now I'm going to throw another wrench into the works. How is my DNA going to tell me how I'm related to the Jews? I'm about as 100% Korean as they come. But Koreans have been occupied by China or Japan for much of our history. Korean blood, then, is undoubtedly intermingled with other Asian races as well. In addition, my patriarchal blessing says that some of those scattered at the time of the Babylonian captivity were scattered among my ancestors. So, I'm not adopted into the House of Israel. I am a literal descendant of Israel. So, when DNA tests say that Native Americans are more closely related to Far Eastern than Middle Eastern genetics, I don't really know if that means much.
  27. I think it could be more comforting without the negative attitude.
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