missionary0204

This thread scares me! I am a married man and the first man at that to post. Ever heard of the fiery darts? At least I am good at dodgeball (consider my comments with humor and take them litely). I would love a class like this at church. Sharing ideas with other married couples for the most part helps each other to grow and analyze issues and habits within their relationship.

If you have a smartpone, you can usually hit your options key after selecting the phone number in your log and choose to reject everything coming from that number.

When I was 16-17, I quit attending church. I didn't quit because I didn't believe. I quit because I allowed other things to distract me and stayed up late on Saturday nights. My parents set a good example but did not try to force me to do what I didn't want to do. I was very independent and would rebel if anyone tried to "control" me. Even though I wasn't active for a few years, I did come back to the gospel, served a mission, and have made my parents proud. I am very grateful that my parents set a good example and did not force me to go to church. I fear that it would have turned me bitter to the idea if they held it over my head and gave me grief about it all the time. I hope this helps in anyway. I cannot relate to your story because I never quit believing in God. If I did, then I have no idea what would be most effective. I can only assume that ppushing to hard will only cause resentment and issues in your future relationship. I understood as a teen that I was responsible for cleaning and helping out around the house because I lived there. The idea that you have to attend church because you live there isn't logical to me once a child reaches a certain age. I follow those whom I love and respect. I want to be like the people that inspire me. Making me do something I do not accept or agree with would be counterproductive. I expect criticism based on my comments. This is just how I feel about it based on my life.

As years go by, a person often begins to give up trying to quit something that makes them feel ashamed and unworthy. You can only repent so many times for the same offense before you start becoming numb to the guilt that causes a person to want to repent and change. One might give up because they feel as though "all hope is lost!" When "the fever" is satisfied, I am always in my right mind and have no problem doing the right thing. It is after satisfaction that all of the guilt and shame come rolling in. Thoughts, visuals (tv, internet, inappropriately dressed women, dreams), and physical stimulation can bring "the fever" on instantly. I love my wife, but I can still give into my weakness even though I know it can cause me to lose my exaltation and my eternal family. When certain urges start, it is like you are drugged and your rationale is dulled. You find yourself doing the unthinkable to find relief. Avoiding the triggers is the key. The desire to change can come from something you care about. It was when I realized my wife was having thoughts of leaving me that I went into panic mode and had a massive reality check. After a few years of becoming insensitive, it took a shock to supress my desires and grab onto what was dear to me (my family). The fear and panic drove my mind crazy. The thought of viewing pornography made me sick to my stomach because of the consequences. I always knew what those conosequences were, but I had been praying for help to find the strength to commit myself like I used to have when the issue first started. But like I said, when you mess up again and again, you begin to give up. This is why it is so important to have a support group or loved ones to help motivate you. Most people at first try to fix the problem on their own which creates a bigger problem. I wouldn't speak to my wife at first because she was so innocent and I couldn't stand the idea of crushing her. Later I decided that I had a problem and needed to tell her about it. She was so nieve that she thought it meant that I looked at pictures of girls in a bathing suit or maybe underclothing. Later she asked me to clarify and I explained that it was more than that. That is when she was devastated. This is when she began to have thoughts of leaving me because of the fear that it would destroy our family in the future or even expose our children to it. Your husband will probably need some sort of shock to bring him back to reality and help him feel godly sorrow again. Right now he hasn't experienced any punishment for his actions so he has nothing to motivate him to change. It may not work either. I wanted to change for both my family and myself. I am very open with my wife. She occassionaly asks if I have messed up and I am honest with her. She is learning to thank me and express gratitude for my success. I have been going strong for many months. Not having complete access to tv, internet, and phone has been a great help. My wife is also trying to be more intimate with me. 1-2 times a week really helps to relieve tension. I find that when I am frustrated with my wife because she ignores me for a week or more, I struggle with temptation more. This does not mean that he gets to take advantage of you. This actually contributed to my problem developing shortly after we were married. I love my wife but my worst fear came true. I am married to a person who doesn't care for sex. The good part of this is that I have grown in many ways. I did not marry my wife for sex otherwise I would have bailed in the first month and I am very happy to be with her. She has grown in many ways by discovering how important it is for her to help me with my needs. Sex alone does not cut it. I need her affection and interest too. Two good books for married couples is "A Sex Starved Marriage" and "His Needs, Her Needs." I hope something in these paragraphs is helpful in anyway. Being at work limits how much time I can put into my thoughts.

I agree with EarlJibbs. Making waves is not necessary. This is a pattern he has been used to for many years and there is no rule in the church that says you can't do this. We are taught to avoid the appearance of evil and sometimes other people overreact if they see a member doing it. If it bothers you, then explaining to him that you are uncomfortable doing it because of the commitments you are making to obey your Father-in-Heaven might be a good approach. You should know him well enough by now to know if he is going to accept your concern or blow up on you. Hopfully he isn't the type that blows up over little things. Good luck!

PC, I do not remember a time when I did not believe in God. Although I didn't have much knowledge on the subject, I always felt a strong connection and trust in my Father above. For me, experiencing sin causes much pain. When one feels the redemptive power of the Atonement, a mighty change takes place. I yearn to serve my Father just to show my love for him and make him proud. I often wonder if missionary success is greater for those who have experenced a greater amount of redemption through the Atonement. If anyone knows of a study on this, please share it. To respond to the OP's question, the Savior has given me hope in life. Now that I know who I am, what my relationship is with my Father, and have an idea of what my divine potential is, I find peace in this life where I think many do not. I view trials, death, pain, sin, hate, weaknesses, and much more differently than others a know. This understanding comes from the Savior through his Gospel. Through experiences and much thought, I know he loves me and is there for me. I am also very grateful for something known as a patriarchal blessing. As witnessed by the HG, recieving personal revelation, recorded as personal scripture, is very special. It helps to guide me in this life and helps me to avoid certain pitfalls that lie before me as long as I strive to do my part. I delayed recieving my blessing for years due to feeling unworthy. Nobody but me knew about this. Nobody had ever asked me if I wanted to get my blessing. When I finally felt worthy and went t o the Patriarch, I was amazed to have the Patriarch, a person I had never seen or met, begin my blessing by discussing my concern that held me back for years and how my Father felt about it. WOW was first my first impression followed by tears and a commitment to do better. If I did not have this relationship with God, life would be so different.

Harsh and judgemental? That was a baby tap. On a serious note, Traveler, I appreciate your comments and agree with you. When I was a missionary, I felt that I walked in Christ's footsteps most of the time. Now I feel like I only catch a glympse here and there. Your comment about how it is the spirit working through us feels spot on. Serving God is much easier when there are little to no distractions. Trying to raise a family seems to shift the external focus to an internal one (ie children).

Whatever a sex worker is, you must discuss this with your wife and Bishop. Technically, if I understand your post right, you are unworthy to take the sacrament or attend the temple until this issue is resolved. The spirit cannot remain with you if your temple is unclean. You need the spirit again. Satan will play you as the fool and make your life hell if you choose to hide from the atonement because of shame. Your post seems to hint that you have justified your actions to some degree. This is a very dangerous tool that Satan uses to destroy the family unit. Seeing a sex counslor will probably be good for your relationship, but your wife will need time to cope with the news you need to tell her about. She will have many emotions and wild thoughts going through her mind after you confess to her. I recommend that you suck it up and tread litely for awhile regarding intimacy. She will probably be disgusted with you. She will probably have thoughts of leaving you. DO NOT try to convince her that this is her fault in anyway. That will destroy her emotionally if she is not already broken. Let the counselor be the one to recommend corrective actions to her. Please do not misinterpret me. My comments are straight forward because they probably need to be. I feel compassion and love for you and wish you the best.

Let me share a brief insight. My wife was very hurt when she found out about my pornography addiction. I was one to look for a few minutes about 2-5 times a month to satisfy a crazy urge. She changed after I told her about it. She started pulling away from me and I could feel it. We went to family counseling and she didn't like what the LDS counselor suggested, so she kept pushing away from me. I knew she was having thoughts about divorce. Her greatest fears were that I would change and expose the children to something in the future. According to the statistics, most men will not overcome the issue. She thought that getting out now would be better. About me: I am a powerful gospel doctrine teacher. I have baptized over 50 people and am loved by most. I was an Assistant to the President on my mission, and I believe I have a good heart. The issue is that I have a crazy sex drive and was influenced by things in my youth that seem to never go away. This addition can destroy a person completely no matter how wonderful they "were." The goodness can be replaced with evil as time goes by. Update: When I discovered that my wife was having thoughts of leaving me, even though I have truely been a great husband in every other way, it crushed me. I had been praying for something to give me the strength and the desire to motivate me to overcome my problem. Years of breaking and losing the spirit, becoming depressed, and feeling regret for repenting again and again cause one to lose hope. If they just give in, they are ripe for destruction. After much prayer, many tears, and a complete change on my part, we are very happy again. I still have temptations, but I see the change that has happened in both of our lives. Things I do now because I love my family: My wife goes to bed at 8-8:45pm and I lay down next to her even though I do not fall asleep that early. I asked my wife to block our satelite for anything above pg13. My computer also has the K9 family protection on it which doesn't even let you access youtube because there is crap on there-the suggested videos always get you. I told her to even turn the internet off on my phone, but ended up having her put a protection on that too. The problem with the phone is that it is too easy to get around, but I will tell my wife if I mess up and go ahead and cancel the service. These measures are only there to help to ease my temptation and it has been working wonderfully. I have mentioned in other threads that as long as I don't see inappropriate things, I usually don't get "the fever." After many years of being clean, I might consider changing all of the restrictions, but for now, I am happy with everything. I can't be angry about anything because I asked for it to help me. My family is more important than having access to temptation. My wife also understands that she cannot ignore me for long periods of time with no intimacy. Tempations get worse as time goes by. This is no excuse for me to take advantage of her, but my wife doesn't have an interest in sex and used to make me go weeks. She just didn't understand what my problem was. That problem turned into anger when we first married which helped to fuel my breakdown into pornography. Couseling has helped her to understand that she also has to support me even though she doesn't understand what high T-levels can do to a person. There is more to it than this, but I am keeping it short. If I wasn't willing to sacrifice and change, then the temptation restrictions would not work. Until a person really wants to change and can find the motivation, there isn't much hope in my opinion. I also found motivation from a quote at stake conference that a General Authority gave. "If you view pornography, you are on your way to a temple sealing cancelation." He repeated this statement 3 times and I never forgot it. After many years of dwelling on this quote, I fully believe it. I have no clue where your husband is at, but I fear for the worst based on what little information you have shared. He seems to be way beyond what I was involved in and I have had a terrible time fighting it until recently. 16 years of this mess and sexting with other women is really taking things far. You know him pretty good. Would he be willing to give up the temptations? You may want to share with him that he is going to lose his family throughout the eternities. This behavior will destroy everything. See how he responds when you mention this. You may even want to let him know that you are planning on divorcing him. Your husband seems to be in pretty deep and needs a powerful wakeup call. Nothing will change without action. I have made no recommendations. These are only ideas to add to your knowledge. God bless you dear sister!

He did say that he was trying to get rebaptized. Maybe he has had years of experience with other religions or has a minute understanding of the terms commonly used in the LDS faith.

Be careful with this type of a comment. If we repent, I will agree with you. Statements like this create avenues for justification regarding God's law. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

RUN!!! I swear a girl always comes around when a guy is trying to go on a mission (personal experience her). Like Joseph of old, she tempted me beyond what I told her the line was and I ran and never looked back no matter how much she begged (non-member). Serious Note: I honestly believe that most men can fall in love with just about any girl if you spend enough intimate time with them. It is as if we are wired that way. My warning is for you to make the decision now to only allow yourself to get serious with a daughter of God that is exactly what your looking for in a spouse-member, worthy, honest, and kind. One that will gladly and wilfully walk by your side to the temple to be sealed for time and all eternity. To many brothers in the gospel let their guard down, emotions go crazy, and they create a life that can be less than what it could have been. There are definately good stories out there, but I find the weight tends to fall on the sad side. I am not telling you not to teach this girl, but if I am reading your post right, you have a strong infatuation for this girl already. That enticing power can make it hard to think straight, and I would rather see you serve a successful mission than play with fire and get burned. If I'm right, you are interested in being with this girl and not just trying to teach her the gospel. Play it safe brother! Play it safe.

Thanks Backroads! I too feel that tithing is personal between families and the Lord. This thread was started because of a conflict that was created between my wife and I due to our different opinions on the matter. There have been many opinions expressed and I am grateful for them. I am confident that many people reading this thread will gain insight and grow even closer to the Lord. I know I have :)

I am so sorry for what you have gone through with your marriage and learning to control your sexual desires. I know it would be good to master your sexual desires to this degree, but I don't know if the extent your have referenced is necessary. My wife has little to no sexual desire regarding sex. We have visited with multiple LDS marriage and sex counselors to discuss some issues. Since my wife has no idea what I experience and the cravings I have sexually for her, she thinks that I should be able to just turn my desires off. Skipping a ton of details, one of the things discussed was "his needs, her needs." There is a wonderful book about this. The concept goes a little like this. When my daughter asks me to read a book to her before bed, often I do not feel like doing it, but I do it anyway because she needs that time from me. If my wife ignored me "completely," I would begin to hate her with time because I know there is no real reason that would prevent us from having sexual relations. It would be completely selfish on her part. I would feel that she did not care enough for me to give something that makes me feel very close to her-a bond if you will. You would call this selfish, but I believe more selfishness would be on the other side because I have no switch to shut this drive off. Discipline only goes so far when I have no absolute to use to excuse the behavior. I have learned to be more than fair and very patient. Why would a women do something like that to their spouse if the reason was lack of desire? This confuses me. I do things for my family all the time that is just to show them how much I love them. Lunch time! I may add more of my thoughts later. I'm sure I opened a can on this one.

Thanks jb789! I have found in life that knowledge and revelation usually do not just come by prayer. My mission president would always ask me what my opinion was. At first I would say, "Whatever you feel is right President." He corrected me by saying that it is important to gather as much information as you can on any given subject to assist the spirit in guiding you. I asked for others to share their opinions because I love my wife and realize how serious she is on the matter. I wanted external insight, whether right or wrong, to help me analyze my rationale. Many posts have given me further insight and stretched my understanding on the subject at hand. I feel a confirmation in the direction I intend to head and it has brought my wife and I even closer together. She recognizes that I do not attempt to preside over our home with a closed fist. I believe that she loves knowing that my love for her keeps me humble enough to consider her concerns. I really appreciate all of the comments so far.