AGMom

According to him, he's starting to doubt the leadership of the church. He also says he's spent his entire life giving his service and money to the church, and feels burned out.

Thank you so much for your words of advice. I've tried talking to him about why he's losing interest, and he says it's not so much the gospel itself, but he's starting to doubt and have issues with the leaders of the church. If I tell him or advise him to pray about it, it upsets him- so I don't know what else to say. But, y'all are right. I need to stop pushing it and just continue with my own daily scripture reading and prayers. I DO still have faith in the church and the gospel, though times I feel really discouraged and alone. He comes to church with us almost every week, but his testimony of our leaders is going downhill. I've told him before that his habits are harming him, but he refuses to believe it. So for now, I'll follow advice and just stop nagging him about it- and just love him anyway. Now I'll just listen to his doubts and struggles and stop offering advice. I feel like any advice I give offends him anyway, and he feels I'm not hearing him. As for the older post and the issues with the images he was viewing, that (to my knowledge), has stopped. When I brought it to his attention that day and told him the following days how it made me feel, he apologized. He said it wasn't because he wasn't attracted to me, but he felt I had been pulling away from him, stopped being affectionate, and felt I rejected him every time he tried to get close (which is mostly true- and I blame a lot of that on my lack of self esteem since my body has changed after children). But as far as I know, he no longer does that. Mostly the "inappropriate" things I mention are TV shows and YouTube videos full of profanity. He stopped watching those around the children when our oldest was about 2-2.5 (he's now 3). If it's just us and I make a comment about the language, he'll switch it off or find something else. He doesn't understand the need to stop them entirely, claiming they don't affect the spirit, but I know it does. I just don't know what else to say without sounding like a nag. I think he knows it too, but just isn't willing to give it up. Again, thank you for your wisdom. And yes, his issues with Uchtdorf are political. I don't think he's given the guy a chance. I sure love Uchtdorf and his strong spirit!

My husband's faith and testimony has been an ongoing battle. We've been married 11 years and have 2 children. From the start, I've been the one to uplift and encourage. Sundays have always been a challenge to get to church because there is an excuse half the time. We used to say family prayers. As much as I've wanted so much to study scriptures together, it hasn't happened and I end up doing it alone. He has become more worldly overtime. It began with bringing inappropriate media into our home. Telling him to turn it off resulted in fights. Then it always became something he disagreed with in the church. Right now he refuses to support Uchtdorf to be our next prophet for political reasons. I've fought so hard to be the one to keep our family afloat in the church, and now I'm failing miserably. No more family prayers. Studying scriptures is still a joke. The inappropriate media has never stopped. Our children are young (3 and 1), but our family is falling apart. I've given up and my faith is almost gone. I'm badly losing my testimony and am starting to not believe in anything anymore. I'm becoming more worldly myself now as I have given up on fighting to keep our family strong in the church. I wanted to marry a man who would uplift and encourage me, not tear me down. I wanted to marry a man who kept his priesthood strong, not one who let his temple recommend expire and lapse (he hasn't been in years). I wanted a man who fights to keep his family strong in the church, not one who makes excuses. He's threatened to not raise the children in the church if I leave him over this. He's making me choose between the church and my family. I'm so worn out and I fear for the future of our children and family. Especially in this world.

Thank you for your responses. A lot of great advice on here. Last night, I discovered a big part of the problem. I caught my husband looking at inappropriate photos of women on the internet. There's a website he frequently likes to visit that are usually funny images, but they have a "not safe for work" section, with women posing provocatively- showing cleavage, butt, etc. He was taking care of his needs while scrolling through the images. I've suspected quite for some time he's been doing this, considering he hasn't touched me in ages. I felt really hurt, but went back to bed to try and go back to sleep without saying anything. When he came back to bed and started talking about how he couldn't sleep, and asked if I was having trouble sleeping too, I brought it up. At first he denied it until I told him I specifically saw him. From there, he acted like it wasn't a big deal. He told me he had zero interest in ever initiating anything with me because he never feels emotionally close. Considering it was past midnight, you can imagine it was hard to really come to an understanding. He defended it like nobody's business and all I could do was cry and tell him how hurt I felt- until I decided I didn't want to discuss it anymore because we were getting nowhere. It's bad enough feeling unattractive with my 9 month pregnancy self. My body has also changed since having our firstborn. Talk about a slam to my self esteem. I slept maybe an hour last night, then took our son to church while my husband slept in. I think the biggest issue I have, is my husband is never really willing to apologize when he screws up. It's always somebody else's fault. Apparently him dealing with his needs by going to other sources is my fault, not his. When I mentioned he's defensive about pretty much everything, this is a perfect example. I did my best to try and look past it- to try and really listen to what he was saying. He says we're not emotionally close anymore. He doesn't feel loved by me anymore. Because of this, he has zero desire to even touch me. He said it could take weeks for him to feel attracted to me again. All I could manage to interpret from that was how unimportant my needs are. How he was blaming me and justifying his actions. He wasn't sorry. He doesn't care about my own needs. It all sounded too selfish, so I decided to just go to bed. From his view, I'm the one who needs to make all the changes. I'm the reason we fight. I'm the reason he doesn't want me. I have to do all the repair work, because, well, he's the innocent party. Today has been emotionally rough and I'm deciding to just stay away from him. I'm not saying I don't need to do anything, because I agree. we don't have an emotional connection and I know I can do a lot on my part to help fix that. I just refuse to take full responsibility for his sins and actions. But to be honest, I know I can't change him and I can't expect him to change. Maybe all I can do is my part to be a good, supportive wife and try and bond with him emotionally, just praying he'll actually reciprocate. Why does this approach feel so wrong and unfair?

Something I came across, quoted: "46 percent of mothers in the U.S. feel more stressed out by their husbands than their children, according to a new survey. A poll of over 7,000 mothers across the country, conducted by Today Moms, found that because of different parenting views, a lack of help with household duties, and the typical pressures of marriage, many mothers feel that their husbands are just another child to take care of. What's more, the average mother reported her stress level overall at a whopping 8.5 out of ten." What do you think? Anyone feel inside this boat? How do you avoid this situation? I feel like this is currently my relationship with my husband. He's stubborn. He's a "grumpy" cleaner, meaning he's always in a bad mood when he helps out with any chore. It makes me want to give up on asking him for any type of help, because there's usually huffing and puffing involved, no matter how politely I ask. I really do my best to avoid being that naggy wife, but it is BEYOND frustrating when I'm being ignored. To be honest, I feel like we're back to our first year of marriage where we both had some growing up to do. We've been married 9 years. We have a 2 year old boy and boy #2 will be arriving in about 5 weeks. I don't know if I'm exaggerating his behavior or not (pregnancy hormones?), but I do feel insanely ignored around here. I can understand my 2 year old ignoring me and wanting to do things his way- because, well, that's part of his development. He's 2. But my husband? Our boy a really good, sweet kid. But, you know, he's going through his terrible twos which can definitely be frustrating. To add, I feel like my husband is just another kid. He stomps around and mumbles when I ask him for any help. It's impossible to talk to him without being ignored 75% of the time. When he talks, however, boy he can talk! But typically about one thing, one particular hobby he likes. It's exhausting to listen to him talk about it constantly, but I listen and act interested. However, when it's my turn, he drifts off into Lala Land. Earlier this evening, he actually pulled out his guitar and equipment and starting playing while I was talking. And to get things straight, I don't talk for hours at a time. I fully understand anybody would tune out endless chatter. I do it. I'm typically not much of a talker anyway. However, he started playing his music when I was about 30 seconds into the conversation. He was staring into his sheet music and wouldn't acknowledge me. He even interrupted a few times to say something to our son. I just faded off and walked away to play with our son in his room so he could be by himself. Anyway, when I do try to have a decent conversation about it- and not during a heated argument, but quiet downtime, the only response I get is defensiveness. "Why is it always my fault?" From there, he'll talk about all the nice things he does to try and offset the current topic. Oh, for crying out loud ,why do I even bother?! I'm depressed, I really am. There just isn't much of a marriage anymore. No intimacy, too much disagreeing. Again, feeling like we're newlyweds again who can't seem to get each other.