Thanks for all the reply's, I sincerely appreciate it and everything you all have said. I don't want to get into the details of why I left the church, but I will say that after 40 years of going I've never gotten any straight answers about anything other than "you just need to pray about it" and other hundreds of other generic answers I've received over the years. There has been some instances where I've had some terrible experiences with not just members of the church, but from Bishops that really made me question things. I'll give in and tell you one of the worst experiences... found out my step-daughter was molested by her bio-dad when she was 14 & 15 years old who also went to the same Stake as us and we always thought something was going on and had gone to the our bishop and his bishop several times over the course of several years about it expressing our concern and we were always told by both bishops not to worry about it and that nothing was happening. Come to find out, my step-daughter finally came forward and told us that her dad had in fact been molesting her and she couldn't live with it anymore and wanted it to stop. We called the Police and they arrested him the same day, he admitted to everything and during the investigation, found out he had gone to his bishop a couple of years before and confessed to molesting his daughter, the same bishop we went to when we suspected something was going on. This bishop never told us what was happening, he kept it a secret between himself and my step-daughters dad and never told anyone, never called the police to turn him in or anything. The police investigated the bishop and found out he did in fact get a confession from the dad, but because he was a religious minister, he was under no obligation to say anything to anyone. In the end, he was ordered to stay away from our kids and was released from his calling by the church. My daughter's bio-dad was sentenced to 10 years in prison where he sits today. If a Bishop can't even protect a child, how can he be called to oversee a congregation of hundreds where little children are present? We still never got any answers from anyone at the church over this and ended up moving away as a result. This along with many many other things, I finally had enough and left the church. In the end, my marriage went south because I was questioning the church and my ex kept going... she keeps going as far as I know, but I'll tell you the entire time I was active, regardless of how hard I worked to keep my calling as one of the Sunday Elders Quorum instructors and numerous other callings I've had including a Boy Scout leader, Young Men's Presidency and so forth, I was always told I needed to do more and it was exhausting. There's everything in a nut shell....
Even though I did nothing wrong, was a full tithe payer, held a temple recommend, went to church every Sunday, paid my taxes, supported a family and never went out with friends and spent all of my time with family and kids, I still felt like I wasn't doing enough or was good enough. I was always being told I needed to pray more, put in more time into my callings and whenever I questioned anything, I was told I needed to pray about it for guidance... Since leaving the church, nothing in my life has changed other than me not going to church anymore, no longer wearing the garments, I actually feel like I am good enough and the stress of being an active church member is gone. I go to another church that isn't LDS, although I don't believe in everything they teach, the friendship from those members and their graciousness is more than anything I've ever felt in the LDS church and if that's what's going to send me to hell, then so be it. I was sick of being told I wasn't doing enough, I was sick of the disgusting way some of the members thought, especially when trying to hide a horrible crime against a child and then being told I just needed to pray about things whenever I didn't understand something or had a question about something... I was born and raised in the LDS church, some of my family still go and are active, I love the church, but honestly I can't stand some of the members and I don't' want to have anything to do with them anymore.
I believe the church is true still to this day, even though I don't agree with some of the things the church does about certain things and even though I still don't understand certain gospel principles. I even served a full time mission, loved every minute of it and I'm glad I went even after everything I've been through to now. However, it was hard being an active church member. It was hard feeling like I still wasn't good enough even though I was doing everything I could as hard as I knew how. It was hard listening to the different bishops telling me I needed to pray more when I questioned certain things instead of taking the time to help me understand them. Being an active member shouldn't be so damn hard, it shouldn't have to be so frustrating. Why do a lot of its members make you feel like such an outcast when you aren't fitting part of their mold? I have tattoos, I went to church with them and the crap I got from a LOT of members for having them was horrible. My kids had colored hair, wore tank tops and shorts, one of the times my daughter was sent home because she wore a tank top to an activity, she never wanted to go back after that. It's disgusting how gossipy members are, how judgmental they are. There's more gossip and back stabbing in that church than there is at my office where I work and it's shameful. Doesn't matter what ward I went to in 2 different states I lived in over the years, every single one of them were the same.
I know not every member is like that, but a good majority of them are and it was tiring and exhausting to deal with after years of it. I'm now doing what I want and what makes me happy, I can't go back to that anymore.
