turtle12

We talked to the bishop and I already feel LOADS better! Thanks everyone for your loving and kind words of encouragement, and giving me the extra little push I needed to come clean.

We were planning to go to the temple on our one year anniversary, (we were married two months after he joined) so we still have a few months until then. But I was thinking if we were disfellowshipped or excommunicated, it would take longer than a few months to complete the repentance process and get a temple recommend. From what I've read, something like disfellowshipment can last a year or so. I know it's a case by case thing, but that seems to be the common time frame from what I've read.

Thank you so much for your responses everyone! My husband and I talked and we both agreed to talk to our bishop ASAP. I've waited for years to go to the temple and I don't want to lie to get there. When we go, I want it to be a truly wonderful and joyous experience and I know it won't feel that way if we are feeling bad for being there unworthy. This is hard, but I'm really glad to know I won't need to carry this heavy burden much longer. My husband has only been a member for a couple months and we've only been married a couple months. Would he have a higher risk of being excommunicated being such a new member? And if I were excommunicated, would my parents somehow find out since I'm sealed to them? I'm really hoping and praying we don't get excommunicated, I can't imagine having something so precious taken from us both because of our foolish mistakes. I wish so bad we could go back in time

Hey everyone! I'm new here and could use some input/comfort/advice. Simply put, I am completely wrecked with guilt and I want to feel better and I feel so stuck! This may be a bit long, please bare with me! So for starters, I got married at a young age during a period of inactivity. I decided I wanted to go back to church after getting married. My husband was extremely upset about it and it caused a lot of tension in our marriage. I tried like heck to make it work for years, but every year that went by, the further we drifted apart. My husband wouldn't allow me to go to the temple, pay tithing, etc. I was barely able to go to church on Sundays without him pouting at me for it. He drank often and would often make fun of me / degrade me for my beliefs. We didn't spend time together, I would go home for holidays without him, the only time we really saw each other was passing each other in the hallway on the way to our separate lives. My husband also struggled with mental illness and porn addiction. Deep down, I knew the marriage couldn't/wouldn't last. I wanted kids so bad and I knew that bringing kids into a marriage like that would be a disaster. I spent nearly two years trying to work up the courage to leave him, but fear of the unknown and trying to make it on my own kept me around. Here's where things got messy. I had a guy friend who had started to investigate the church. I developed feelings for this other guy and him for me. These feelings and knowing what kind of life I could have with someone who didn't drag me down on a constant basis, gave me the push I needed to ask for a divorce. So I requested a divorce from my husband, at first he was all for it but later decided he wanted to make it work between us. I was no longer interested in trying to make it work. I had tried so hard for so long and I didn't want to waste more of my life hoping he'd grow up and get the help he needed. Anyway, my ex and I are now divorced and I am now married to the guy mentioned above. He joined the church and everything with us is wonderful. I had no idea how great a healthy marriage could be. The messy part? My (now) husband and I lost control and were intimate before we were married, and unfortunately, before my divorce was final. The guilt and shame I have felt has been intense. We are hoping to be sealed in the temple, but neither of us are worthy anymore. I want so badly to come clean, as does he. I would have gone to the bishop immediately and the only reason I haven't yet is because I know people (my parents especially) will want to know why we arent going to the temple anymore. If they knew that we had premarital sex it will be a huge blow up. My sister had previously done the same thing and when my parents found out, they told her they hated her and pretty much disowned her and her boyfriend for a time. Eventually they got over it, but at the time it was a huge mess. I can't stomach the idea of getting a reaction like that from them. I feel so much pressure to still go to the temple, but I don't want to go unworthy. I'm also afraid I'd be excommunicated since I was technically still married when this happened (please no judgement guys, I already feel sick to my stomach for it). Is there any type of reason or excuse I could give my parents to postpone going to the temple for however long without telling them the real reason? Any advice/support/comfort at all? This is seriously keeping me up at night worrying about.