Mormonjennymissouri

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  1. I know, it's easy to say 'get over it' and it's the advice I'd give others too. So no offense taken. This just feels a bit different than a fling. I was feeling like I was in such a slump, which is why I reached out on here. And Suzie is right, I need to just cut him out of my life. We're still connected on all social media and he still calls me and sends me stuff to read, which seems nice, but it's not allowing me to heal. Maybe he was only meant to be in my life to introduce me to the church. I need to make new friends in my ward.
  2. Thank you so much for your feedback. It's true that i joined the church for Jesus and not for the missionary. My mind is just clouded right now. He had such a huge impact on my life. I don't believe he's a bad person. I just wish he hadn't acted on his feelings when they were so fleeting. He really made me believe I was the one for him. I just really miss him, but talking to him now doesn't feel the same:(
  3. I'll start from the beginning. I went out of state for school and was feeling extremely homesick and lonely. I came from a town that was predominately Mormon even though I wasn't a member of the church. I decided I wanted to start going to church since this was kind of a fresh start and reached out to the LDS church since it was what I was familiar with growing up. I was actually planning to investigate a few different churches but never got that far. Missionaries got in contact with me and we started having lessons. Everything was going well. They were so great and seemed to really care about me. Eventually I decided I didn't need to investigate anymore and went forward and got baptized by the missionary that I really bonded with. After baptism they continued to teach me for about 6 months. The missionary that baptized me was there for all 6 of them but with different companions. He became my mentor and best friend. Eventually he got transferred to a new area and he sent me an email confessing his feelings for me. He still had 7 months left on his mission, and we decided to keep in touch. We wrote to one a other every single week. I would tell him about church that week, he'd send me stuff to read. We'd send pictures and videos back and forth and talk about how we couldn't wait to finally be together. A few other guys in the ward asked me out but I prayed about it and felt I should wait for him. So I waited for him the remainder of his mission, and he knew I was waiting. Fast forward to the end of his mission. He flew out to see me 2 weeks after he got home (I paid for him to come out since he didn't have a job yet) and it was the best time ever. We took a road trip to see LDS temples and were all over each other the whole time, although things went a lot further than I had wanted/anticipated. I felt a but sad about it afterwards (because I'd been following the word of wisdom since I joined) but thought it didn't matter because he loved me. Near the end of the trip, he said that he was so happy he finally got to make out and be with me, and that it was all he thought about since he met me that first lesson. I asked him what was next and he said it probably had to be goodbye. That his family probably wouldn't accept me (because I'm a couple years older and recent convert) and he had to finish school and he wants to experience other women before he settles down. i was devastated. After he left I was so depressed. He wanted to keep in touch but I couldn't. Not after he rejected me. I also stopped going to church. I just couldn't go and face everyone. Plus he was with me the whole journey and i feel lost now without him. We had talked about my endowment, getting married and the future and now it all seems so pointless alone. i ended up talking to him on the phone last night and now I'm feeling even worse:(. He wanted to make sure I was going to church. He apologized for using me to fulfill his 'fantasies' and said that he still cared about me and we could still maybe work out. He lives only 3 hours from my hometown, but he's saying his family thinks it's weird that he's dating the girl he baptized and they think he's just infactuated. They think he should focus on more "appropriate" women and be serious about his future. i'm just feeling so hurt, confused and depressed. I know I'm not feeling like going to church anymore because it reminds me of him and I'm trying to heal. I just cant separate my thoughts of him from the church. I'm sorry this is so long. But I would be so grateful for any advice anyone has for me.