Garments...just can't wear them!!!

[kpatrey]

Last June was my endowment. I had an idea what to expect but never really knew much about the garments we are asked to wear. What happens to someone when they have come to terms that they just are not able to wear the garments? Is it simply they lose temple privleges? Does it have an effect on the temple sealing or the sealing to their children. I think the garments are much more difficult for women and basically impossible for me. I didn't want to ask anyone in my ward for fear of being judged or frowned upon:( Am I alone in the way I feel???

Thanks for your replies!

[NeuroTypical]

Yes, a totally new clothing style can be a difficult transition for people - no, you're not alone in struggling.

Is there really no one in your ward that you feel is decent enough to talk to you about this? No visiting teacher, no friend, no RS president, even your Bishop would judge you? You might be judging them a bit harshly.

Maybe a lady on this board can help.

[bjw]

My grandmother feel the same way you do, but she wears them, sometimes over another more comfortable underclothing. Me personally, I know its different for me because I'm a guy, I pretty much got used to them after three days and pretty much forgot I had them on after that.

I think maybe you should experiment with some different materials. I know for me some seem sticky against sweaty skin, some seem warmer and are good for cold weather, and some seem lighter where you don't notice them as much. If I were you I'd buy some from different materials before deciding which are better, and then buy them according to what you like better.

[kpatrey]

I've tried all the materials. I think having to wear a bra over them is really just too much for me. I feel like tearing my skin off it is just not "right". It's not that I am judging them in my ward, it's just I don't want them to see me as a failure. I've only been a member for 2 years so it's been a really big adjustment for me. Most of them will probably tell me, "well, that's just the way it is." I am not sure what kind of answer I'd expect to hear. Are we allowed to wear the garments "over" our bra?

I've come to terms with my decision, I just wasn't sure if it affected my sealing to my husband because I am choosing not to wear them. I guess that is what I am trying to find out.

[Jenamarie]

Ah, the old "under or over" debate. Last I heard, there was no official church policy on this. Some Temple matrons will say "over", some say "whichever is most comfortable". For me, under is most comfortable, but I know lots of women for whom "over" is the way to go, and they're all current recommend holders.

Honor your covenants, make sure your over-clothes don't reveal your garments, and you're all good.

You are NOT a failure.

[bjw]

The temple president's wife told my grandmother that she could wear her bra underneath the garment.

[miztrniceguy]

my wife wears hers over

[Guest]

I understand what you mean by uncomfortable garments. Especially the women's top where none of the fabric available provide support for size C+ women.

There is this new fabric for the bottoms called Carinessa which is really awesome. It has lycra so it is stretchy snug! I wish they made tops with this type of fabric as well, but last time I checked they didn't. So, I use the DriSilque ("dry silk") instead. It is stretchy enough, breathable, and dries quickly (I live in Florida where it is hot and humid most of the year). I can wear this without a bra most times.

But, for those times that I have to have support (doing active stuff), I ditched my regular bra for the sporty ones the teen-agers use. You will find that the drisilque fabric contours to your body better than the other fabrics, so putting a light-weight sports bra over it is comfortable.

But, if this still doesn't feel comfortable for you, it is better to go ahead and wear the bra under the garment - making the garment more like a chemise - than not wearing it at all.

And no... you are NOT bad. I will venture to say that ALL endowed women - even those who grew up in the church - had to struggle through the first few weeks of wearing these things.

[Islander]

Last June was my endowment. I had an idea what to expect but never really knew much about the garments we are asked to wear. What happens to someone when they have come to terms that they just are not able to wear the garments? Is it simply they lose temple privleges? Does it have an effect on the temple sealing or the sealing to their children. I think the garments are much more difficult for women and basically impossible for me. I didn't want to ask anyone in my ward for fear of being judged or frowned upon:( Am I alone in the way I feel???

Thanks for your replies!

I am going to stick my neck out on this one, but I think you are having a psychological struggle with this issue more than anything else. I was born and raised in the Caribbean where more people wear very little "clothing", if you can call it that. I never wore underwear until I got into the military at age 17, so figure.

Concentrate on the covenant you made with God. Go back to the Temple as soon as you can. Stop thinking about how uncomfortable it may be. If you lose an arm or a leg tomorrow you would have much bigger problems than slightly uncomfortable garments to worry about. Just choose to be faithful and true to the promises you made in the temple and in a couple of weeks you will be fine. Some sisters struggle with this issue for a few days but millions wear this sacred vestment with reverence and joy for what it represent.

Just do it. It will be fine in a few days.

[Seanette]

I was told to wear my bra over my garment. DMIL offered some advice on doing so comfortably, and it really hasn't been a problem for me.

I'm currently using nylon mesh (gets HOT here in summer, and nylon does seem to stay whiter than cotton blends, plus being more durable), which is working.

I have a different complication, which I'm moving to Open due to sensitive subject matter.

Edited June 9, 2009 by Seanette
changed my mind about a paragraph I'd started to include

[Guest]

I was told to wear my bra over my garment. DMIL offered some advice on doing so comfortably, and it really hasn't been a problem for me.

I'm currently using nylon mesh (gets HOT here in summer, and nylon does seem to stay whiter than cotton blends, plus being more durable), which is working.

I have a different complication, which I'm moving to Open due to sensitive subject matter.

Seanette, have you tried the Carinessa fabric? I find it okay with this type of problem...

[eternalpromise516]

oh boy anatess...sounds like i'm going to have a moderately difficult time getting used to mine when i get endowed in a couple years, especially since i'm so large (DD).. >.<

however, even though i'm not endowed yet, i have picked up tidbits of advice from previous garment discussions here on the board, regarding the best fabrics for different weather/climits and the under/over debate, so i'm going to try and regergatate what i've seen on here, and correct me if i'm wrong! haha...

experiment with the different styles and everything, especially as anatess suggested about the stretchy and breathable ones (carinessa and drysilque? have this in advanced mode lol) i also read when i was on the Church Distribution site looking at their temple dresses for ideas for my baptism dress and sizing charts, that trying a round neckline vs. a square one (??) may work better for some. and certainly, if wearing your bra underneath and then wearing your garment over it works best for your comfort and satisfaction, then go with it girlfriend! lol...if you feel weird about approaching your bishop or someone else in your ward with questions, maybe try the bishop's wife or even the temple matron the next time you go through. i'm sure no matter who you talk to will adhere to the utmost of confidentiality.

i know that you're not the first, and definately won't be the last member who's had questions and difficulties about wearing this new garment, so don't be ashamed or embarrassed! we're here to help anytime you need us :) good luck, and welcome to the site!

-EP

[Seanette]

Seanette, have you tried the Carinessa fabric? I find it okay with this type of problem...

Haven't tried it. IIRC, it's similar enough to DriSilque that it would be about the same for durability and comfort in hot weather, and my experience has been that the nylon mesh really does do better for me on both fronts.

[Seanette]

oh boy anatess...sounds like i'm going to have a moderately difficult time getting used to mine when i get endowed in a couple years, especially since i'm so large (DD).. >.<

They do have tops sized for more generously proportioned women.

I'm a B cup myself (which seems to be average, especially for someone who's 5'4"), and I've found that square necklines suit me better. They seem to help a bit with support (since I don't wear a bra to bed, I do notice a difference), which I appreciate.

[Iggy]

I understand what you mean by uncomfortable garments. Especially the women's top where none of the fabric available provide support for size C+ women.

There is this new fabric for the bottoms called Carinessa which is really awesome. It has lycra so it is stretchy snug! I wish they made tops with this type of fabric as well, but last time I checked they didn't. So, I use the DriSilque ("dry silk") instead. It is stretchy enough, breathable, and dries quickly (I live in Florida where it is hot and humid most of the year). I can wear this without a bra most times.

But, for those times that I have to have support (doing active stuff), I ditched my regular bra for the sporty ones the teen-agers use. You will find that the drisilque fabric contours to your body better than the other fabrics, so putting a light-weight sports bra over it is comfortable.

But, if this still doesn't feel comfortable for you, it is better to go ahead and wear the bra under the garment - making the garment more like a chemise - than not wearing it at all.

And no... you are NOT bad. I will venture to say that ALL endowed women - even those who grew up in the church - had to struggle through the first few weeks of wearing these things.

The garment was never meant to be a supporting garment. I am 46DDD, and I wear the drysilque in the "full" top. I also get the longer top so that I have enough to tuck into the bottoms.

It took me three hours to get used to them! My mother, and two older sisters were endowed before me and I did their laundry- so I knew what to expect.

[MarginOfError]

I'm a guy and hated garments for the first few months I wore them. During the really humid months I still find them nigh unbearable. It's a strange transition to make for a lot of people, even if they know it's coming.

Don't feel like you'll be judged for finding them uncomfortable. Undoubtedly, there will be people that think you're strange, but these tend to be the people who insist that Garments are the most wonderful and comfortable undergarment ever created--which means they're lying through their teeth because they think that's what good Mormons do.

Here's an interesting anecdote for you. My old stake president served a mission in Italy. At the time, all Garments were one-piece union suit type garments. One of the Quorum of the Twelve (I'll ahve to ask him the name) visited and in a discussion between stops told my young stake president, "someday, we'll be rid of these one-piece Garments. They're just too hard for us old folk." The change came about two years later. So if a Apostle can find the Garments uncomfortable or difficult, surely it's okay if you do too.

Talk with your Relief Society president. She will likely know someone who can offer advice. I'll double check the policies when I get to work today, but I'm 98% certain that what people have said about instruction of over vs under the bra, or for more comfortable undergarments beneath the Garment is accurate (being that there is no formal instruction).

EDIT: In fact, I think it would be totally acceptable to wear a thong under your garment if that made you more comfortable, although that really mixes the oh-so-sexy with the entirely-unsexy in a most peculiar way.

[Seanette]

My husband did have a little trouble when we were initially endowed (both took out endowments on our wedding day). We both tried nylon initially and he found that the cut of the bottoms was uncomfortable (he reports having been a briefs man prior to this). Switching him to cotton, which fit more snugly, was better for him. He also prefers cotton for comfort in hot weather. A certain amount of trial-and-error goes with the territory.

I always find that a newly bought garment piece feels odd until it's been through the laundry two or three times and the fabric softens. Maybe that's part of it for the OP?

[sensibility]

In my personal opinion, yes, choosing not to wear the garment would affect a sealing, exactly the same as unrepentantly breaking any other covenant or disobeying any other commandment. It also does prevent you from renewing your temple recommend.

Temple matrons used to instruct that you should wear your garments next to your skin; however, now they are told not to give instruction either way. It's perfectly acceptable to wear your bra under your garments if you're more comfortable that way.

Unlike some people, I've always found garments to be perfectly comfortable, from the moment I put them on. I think the only major issue I've encountered is that I recently started a new job, and the seams of my uniform are so harsh that they're actually putting runs in the fabric (DriSilque), so I've had to borrow my husband's tops until I can get to a distribution center to buy some cotton-type tops. And that's really more of a problem on the part of the bright person who designed my uniform . . .

[talisyn]

Wow.....I had no idea garments were so ummm...well basically I never thought of them before. Thanks for the head's up

[Elgama]

I have had occasions when I physically could not wear them (I swell) and have ended up wearing my husbands which I got permission to do from the Temple Matron, apparently there is no spiritual issue with it, they allow me to swell and don't have as much elastic in them which digs in. And I use a chemise top.

Phone your temple matron, she may be able to make suggestions and it may be possible to have some made for you that fit better etc

-Charley

[Guest]

Wow.....I had no idea garments were so ummm...well basically I never thought of them before. Thanks for the head's up

Hey, where's the Laugh button?

[Dravin]

Don't feel like you'll be judged for finding them uncomfortable. Undoubtedly, there will be people that think you're strange, but these tend to be the people who insist that Garments are the most wonderful and comfortable undergarment ever created--which means they're lying through their teeth because they think that's what good Mormons do.

.

Or what they wore before wasn't as comfortable. I grew up with tighty whities, garments were an improvement, not to say on a hot day or when I was first getting used to them I didn't/don't sometimes wish I could take them off (particularly when trying to sleep at night) for comforts sake. Though I suppose you are saying created as opposed to personally worn, of course now I'd feel uncomfortable not wearing them but it wouldn't be for physical reasons.

[beefche]

To the OP, what do you find so uncomfortable? Is it just the bra over/under issue? Are there other issues? I'm positive that someone had/does have the same issue. No judgements from us...alot have dealt with garments.

I have found that the material makes a HUGE difference. I use Drysilk (however that's spelled) because I like how my clothes fit with them. But, if I'm going to be in the hot, humid weather for any length of time, then I need to wear my cotton garments--they make my clothes feel uncomfortable, but at least I don't feel as if I'm a walking sauna if I were to wear the Drysilk.

As far as wearing traditional underwear with garments--I would suggest that you try different materials in order to wear your bra outside the garment. I find that if I try to focus on the principle and find ways to support the principle, that I'm blessed to do so. But that doesn't negate the reality of wearing garments. I wholeheartedly support whoever said that as long as your clothes accomodate the garment, wear your underwear as you will.

[Soul_Searcher]

kpatrey, I am soooo with you. I have trouble with the garments too.

beefche, the drisilque ones are the worst for me, the material makes no difference. I sweat more, they are so shiny everything slips off. I have to pull my bra straps up about 6times an hour, and my jeans always slip down over my bum so Im always yanking them up too. The cotton bottoms are too tight around my knees, and the carinessa ones assume i want my waistband just under my boobs. I am used to wearing underwear that sits on my hip bone. I am always pulling the knee bits down and try to find new and inventive ways of making the waist sit comfortably where I want it. Nothing has worked so far

Im very big up top (34E) and that has caused me enourmous problems. In other word just cause Im big there, does not mean I am fat. So where they put the seam under where they assume my boobs finish, cuts straight into my boobs.

kpatrey, I have been told IT IS OK to wear your bra underneath. Its true that now, temple matrons dont give any advice atall. So if you want to wear underwear under your garments (bra and knickers) then I would say thats upto you completely.

[Elgama]

Soul Searcher have you tried either maternity or the chemise style ones when breastfeeding I am a DD-E cup they are much better.

-Charley