It struck me a bit odd.

[Bini]

We were at a buffet last night and saw a family at a table being served by hired help. It struck me a bit odd, especially since we were at a BUFFET, where everyone gets up and grabs their own food. The family of four sat and ate, while a woman in uniform was up and down bringing them plates of various food.

In some cultures, this kind of thing is very acceptable and quite normal but I've never seen anything quite like it here in America. Sure, I know of family and friends that have hired help at their homes but they don't take their hired help to dinner with them. Anyway, the whole thing looked sorely out of place. Anyone else seen anything, unusual, as of late?

[annewandering]

They probably owned the place.

[MorningStar]

I once met a family in Lake Tahoe who brought their nanny on vacation with them and the mom found it too inconvenient to put sunscreen on her children. The nanny had her own children in China.

[pam]

I would have thought it very strange to have seen that.

[MsMagnolia]

I have never seen anything like that. If I did I would probably just sit and stare not knowing how to react to something so strange.

[pam]

I was kind of thinking that someone that could have hired help to do that at a buffet was strange. You'd think that would be a place that would be beneath them.

[Guest]

Rich people can be so weird. LOL

[MorningStar]

Maybe you were on Candid Camera.

[Guest]

I once met a family in Lake Tahoe who brought their nanny on vacation with them and the mom found it too inconvenient to put sunscreen on her children. The nanny had her own children in China.

My Filipino brother goes on vacation with one nanny for each of his 3 kids. Yes, the nanny would put sunscreen on her "charge", help them get dressed, make sure they don't lose their socks... etc. etc. My sister-in-law - a special-needs pediatrician - manages the entire vacation and makes sure everybody - including the nannies - is comfortable and makes sure my brother don't lose his socks. The nannies have their own children left at home - and of course, they can't afford to take the kind of vacations my brother takes. The nannies are very, very happy that they get to take a vacation and take all these pictures to show their kids.

There is something you need to understand about the purpose of money. Spending your money to hire a nanny to put sunscreen on your children does not make you a bad person. There is nothing at all wrong with it. Money, when used properly, is merely an enabler. It enables you to magnify whatever it is you are doing. If you have the money for it, it is a good thing for you to hire a nanny to put sunscreen on your children so you can have extra time and energy to do more for your child - like enjoy more quality time with them. WHO puts the sunscreen on the child is irrelevant. WHO spent quality time with the child is what is relevant. Now, if the mother would have hired the Nanny to spend the quality time with the child while she's off somewhere else enjoying herself - that is not using her money to magnify her motherhood.

Now, about the nanny having children in China - you might think - poor nanny being away from her children! So, you propose nobody hire her so she can spend time with her children? And then what - starve? There is a reason she is a nanny away from her children. It's what she feels she had to do to feed her kids. Take that opportunity from her and she would be forced to do something more drastic... like give her children away to those who can afford to keep them, never seeing them again, never having a say on how they got raised.

I grew up with a nanny. She is considered a member of our family. My parents took care of her and her children especially when she got old and sick. My nanny did not diminish the love I felt from my mother. Not one single bit. And yes, the nanny put on my sunscreen.

Edited December 28, 2012 by anatess

[Guest]

Bini, I've never seen such a thing in America either. But, I don't live in a super richy town - like, we never get to see some major celebrity people with their possys and such where I hang out.

[Gwen]

Never seen anything like that.

When I was a teenager a couple was taking a business trip that they decided to turn into a family vacation. They took me along to babysit while they did the business stuff and my pay was getting to go on the vacation. When they were there they took care of the kids, when they weren't it was my problem.

The strangest buffet experience I've ever had was when the waitress kept cleaning my kids up. lol She would come over and take their plates and wipe the table and their faces and hands and anything else she thought needed wiping. lol My kids aren't THAT messy but they are kids.

[Guest]

It only makes them bad people if they treat her like a lesser person because they have money. I would find it demeaning to be dragged along to Upchuck-o-Rama to fetch for and serve everyone there. I've worked for rich people with that kind of attitude, and mostly I just felt alternately amused by and saddened for them. They spent their money having other people live their lives for them, pretty much.

Because of different circumstances in my life, I've known a lot of people with a lot of money. There are those who use it to serve themselves (or rather, hire lots of people to do everything for them), and those who use it to serve others. I hope that if I ever find myself in their shoes, that I will live comfortably but use much of it to improve the world around me. I think I can do better than hiring someone to fetch my fried chicken and ice cream for me at a buffet.

[Guest]

It only makes them bad people if they treat her like a lesser person because they have money. I would find it demeaning to be dragged along to Upchuck-o-Rama to fetch for and serve everyone there. I've worked for rich people with that kind of attitude, and mostly I just felt alternately amused by and saddened for them. They spent their money having other people live their lives for them, pretty much.

Because of different circumstances in my life, I've known a lot of people with a lot of money. There are those who use it to serve themselves (or rather, hire lots of people to do everything for them), and those who use it to serve others. I hope that if I ever find myself in their shoes, that I will live comfortably but use much of it to improve the world around me. I think I can do better than hiring someone to fetch my fried chicken and ice cream for me at a buffet.

[Traveler]

We were at a buffet last night and saw a family at a table being served by hired help. It struck me a bit odd, especially since we were at a BUFFET, where everyone gets up and grabs their own food. The family of four sat and ate, while a woman in uniform was up and down bringing them plates of various food.

In some cultures, this kind of thing is very acceptable and quite normal but I've never seen anything quite like it here in America. Sure, I know of family and friends that have hired help at their homes but they don't take their hired help to dinner with them. Anyway, the whole thing looked sorely out of place. Anyone else seen anything, unusual, as of late?

It strikes me as odd that this is the oddest thing you encountered in (several) days in our culture. Or at least as the oddest thing you have encountered recently that should be address.

The Traveler

[Traveler]

Just a note about service. I was raised in a modest but wealthy home. I was taught that it is an honor to give service but it is not honorable to accept service. As a result I have personally struggled with the logic of this paradox my entire life. Being appreciative and thankful of service given is as important as being of service. A principle I believe is often lost in the lessons of service.

The Traveler

PS. I have traveled a great deal and usually when I exit a plane the pilot is greeting the passengers and thanking them for flying - I always make it a point to thank the pilot for his care and getting us to our destination safely - especially if the weather is a little challenging. Just this last week a pilot stopped me and said that I was the first passenger that had ever thank him. He was not a young pilot. Are we a people or society that does not honor service?

Edited December 28, 2012 by Traveler
added ps

[Vort]

It sounds rather bizarre to me, too. But we don't know if (for example) there were special needs involved, where perhaps a nurse was constantly present to take care of someone and they decided to take her along and treat her at Chuck-O-Rama with the rest of the family.

[Guest]

It only makes them bad people if they treat her like a lesser person because they have money. I would find it demeaning to be dragged along to Upchuck-o-Rama to fetch for and serve everyone there. I've worked for rich people with that kind of attitude, and mostly I just felt alternately amused by and saddened for them. They spent their money having other people live their lives for them, pretty much.

Because of different circumstances in my life, I've known a lot of people with a lot of money. There are those who use it to serve themselves (or rather, hire lots of people to do everything for them), and those who use it to serve others. I hope that if I ever find myself in their shoes, that I will live comfortably but use much of it to improve the world around me. I think I can do better than hiring someone to fetch my fried chicken and ice cream for me at a buffet.

I understand your point here.

But, my father taught me something about "fetching fried chicken and ice cream" that might give you a different perspective even with that.

We had this guy that's a constant presence in our house for a time when I was a teenager. I'm not quite sure what he does - I thought he was hired as a "body guard" of some kind because he is a trained military. But he doesn't act like a bodyguard - he doesn't follow my dad around, for instance. He's more of a go-fer. Which is not his job either because he sometimes washes the car (we have another guy who is in-charge of everything to do with the car). Anyway, my mom and dad would tell him to go fetch this, fetch that, give them water... etc. And I always thought that was odd because he is this trained military guy. Well, as I got older I found out my dad was just giving him anything he can give him to do just so he can work for money. I'm not quite sure what happened to him - how he lost his military job - but from what I can piece together, it has something to do with the violent death of his wife and child and some kind of revenge thing he wanted to do, or did, not sure - so he got released from the military. He was "healing" when he worked for my dad. He was too "unstable" to work elsewhere. Of course, my dad's philosophy has always been - people feel better about themselves if they work for money instead of just accepting money for free.

So, I have at times told myself, if I get tons of money, I'm going to hire tons of people to do work for money to feed themselves - organize my shoe closet every hour if there's nothing else they can do. Of course, this was in the Philippines where jobs are scarce. But. I'm sure the same thing can apply in the US too, especially in this economy.

Edited December 28, 2012 by anatess

[selek]

I do find it interesting that the automatic assumption is that these folks were rich and that a buffet was somehow beneath them.

My first thought- particularly given the uniform- was that their might have been some sort of special needs situation involved.

The point is that we do not know precisely what was going on- but that hasn't stopped a raft full of speculation and judgementalism.

Indeed, one wonders why Latter-day Saints are just as prone to idle gossip as the Baptists of my youth- based on just as little information.

[Guest]

I do find it interesting that the automatic assumption is that these folks were rich and that a buffet was somehow beneath them.

My first thought- particularly given the uniform- was that their might have been some sort of special needs situation involved.

The point is that we do not know precisely what was going on- but that hasn't stopped a raft full of speculation and judgementalism.

Indeed, one wonders why Latter-day Saints are just as prone to idle gossip as the Baptists of my youth- based on just as little information.

Human nature, selek. There's nothing wrong with wondering and considering the possibilities and talking about it. It's just as good as creating a totally fictitious event, then considering the possibilities and talking about it. I don't see anybody here judging the people at the buffet.

And I don't see how what this thread is doing has to do with idle gossip.

[selek]

Anatess,

Your story reminded me on one that I read sometime back (and cannot now locate) of a boy who watched his grandfather at work.

During the Depression, the boy was sent to the farm to learn the lessons he could not in the city.

One of those involved charity, compasssion, and the value of hard work.

During their working day, Grandpa and the boy were interrupted by a "hobo" passing through, who wanted food and money.

After scratching his chin, the grandpa told the man, "Well, I have been meaning to move the woodpile behind the house to the east side, but I've been so terribly busy."

And a deal was struck- the "hobo" moved the wood pile.

In return for his labors, the "hobo" was fed until he could eat no more and given what little money could be spared.

He left the farm standing a little taller and his back a little straighter for his labors- a workman paid for his efforts rather than a beggar given alms.

Not long thereafter, another traveller came by, seeking food and money.

After scratching his chin, the grandpa told the man, "Well, I have been meaning to move the woodpile behind the house to the west side....."

Too often forgotten in our society is the eternal verity that the laborer is worthy of his hire- and that we more readily value that which we earn than that which we are given.

Edited December 28, 2012 by selek

[selek]

Human nature, selek. There's nothing wrong with wondering and considering the possibilities and talking about it. It's just as good as creating a totally fictitious event, then considering the possibilities and talking about it. I don't see anybody here judging the people at the buffet.

And I don't see how what this thread is doing has to do with idle gossip.

Perhaps I am overly sensitive to such judgements- and if I am wrong, I happily concede the point.

Just a cursory review, however, seems to reveal a number of assumptions (which then lend themselves as gossip):

1) the family is rich

2) that the woman serving them was doing so in some sort of menial capacity

3) that she was serving them because they were too important/lazy/high-falutin to "fetch their own fried chicken and ice cream".

4) that because they had hired a woman to "fetch their fried chicken and ice cream", they were somehow misusing their money (a/o being superior, supercilious, a/o poor stewards of the wealth they allegedly enjoy).

5) that we as bystanders and observers know better than they how to spend their money.

"Gossip" is defined as "idle talk or rumor about the personal or private affairs of others." The term is used pejoratively by its reputation for the introduction of errors and variations into the data transmitted, and it also describes idle chat, a rumor of personal, or trivial nature.

No one here knows the facts of that families situation, but they're all perfectly content to lean against the back fence and speculate about them, their actions, and the alleged "correctness" of their behavior.

That meets the definition of gossip by any reasonable standard of which I'm aware.

I am more than content to discuss the moral (and immoral) uses of money- in the abstract. I am more than happy to discuss the value of labor and the lessens learned- in general.

I am less than sanguine about the prospects of holding this family up as some sort of object lesson in what is and is not appropriate- especially in the absence of any kind of factual data.

I guess it's a mis-application of the old truism "neither a borrower nor a lender be".

If I don't know enough to speak authoritatively about their circumstances (a lender of facts), then neither should I borrow them by guessing or speculating about that which I do not know.

Edited December 28, 2012 by selek

[Guest]

Perhaps I am overly sensitive to such judgements- and if I am wrong, I happily concede the point.

Just a cursory review, however, seems to reveal a number of assumptions (which then lend themselves as gossip):

1) the family is rich

2) that the woman serving them was doing so in some sort of menial capacity

3) that she was serving them because they were too important/lazy/high-falutin to "fetch their own fried chicken and ice cream".

4) that because they had hired a woman to "fetch their fried chicken and ice cream", they were somehow misusing their money (a/o being superior, supercilious, a/o poor stewards of the wealth they allegedly enjoy).

5) that we as bystanders and observers know better than they how to spend their money.

"Gossip" is defined as "idle talk or rumor about the personal or private affairs of others." The term is used pejoratively by its reputation for the introduction of errors and variations into the data transmitted, and it also describes idle chat, a rumor of personal, or trivial nature.

No one here knows the facts of that families situation, but they're all perfectly content to lean against the back fence and speculate about them, their actions, and the alleged "correctness" of their behavior.

That meets the definition of gossip by any reasonable standard of which I'm aware.

I am more than content to discuss the moral (and immoral) uses of money- in the abstract. I am more than happy to discuss the value of labor and the lessens learned- in general.

I am less than sanguine about the prospects of holding this family up as some sort of object lesson in what is and is not appropriate- especially in the absence of any kind of factual data.

I guess it's a mis-application of the old truism "neither a borrower nor a lender be".

If I don't know enough to speak authoritatively about their circumstances (a lender of facts), then neither should I borrow them by guessing or speculating about that which I do not know.

This would all be true if the intent of the discussion was to speculate about the people at the buffet - not speculate about a general event that may happen for any people at any buffet and how we see it. Make sense?

I think the intent of the discussion was just how wierd it is for the OP to witness such an event... Let me put another event out there that would remove us from this particular thread. Let's say that this is my post: I saw this girl wearing an Easter Bunny outfit at Christmas - is that wierd for you too? We're not talking about the girl, we're talking about ourselves. We're not gossipping about the girl. We're talking about what would go through our minds when we see something like that. Does that make better sense?

[selek]

This would all be true if the intent of the discussion was to speculate about the people at the buffet - not speculate about a general event that may happen for any people at any buffet and how we see it. Make sense?

I think the intent of the discussion was just how wierd it is for the OP to witness such an event... Let me put another event out there that would remove us from this particular thread. Let's say that this is my post: I saw this girl wearing an Easter Bunny outfit at Christmas - is that wierd for you too? We're not talking about the girl, we're talking about ourselves. We're not gossipping about the girl. We're talking about what would go through our minds when we see something like that. Does that make better sense?

I understand the distinction you are trying to draw, but I am not convinced.

Perhaps the proof will be in the pudding...

[Bini]

It's interesting how everyone differently interpreted the topic. I wasn't getting at anything except for the fact that this was an unusual sight for mainstream American culture.

This kind of thing is very typical overseas, especially, in southeast Asia. My family, along with many other expats, had hired help. We had a driver and two maids that lived with us. My family did their best to make these individuals feel welcomed in our home, and for the most part, one of us. My sister and I had a special bond with one particular maid/nanny named Myra. I can relate to Anatess, as Myra also came with us on family holidays, and she enjoyed the traveling as much as we kids did. The neat thing about it all is that 18-years later, we are still in contact with her through Facebook.

I remember reading about how the rich and famous are waited on. One article talked about how David Beckham and his wife hire someone to open their gifts for them on Christmas Day. Now THAT'S craziness. Really, where's the fun in that? That's one tradition I'd be tossing out the window!

[Suzie]

We were at a buffet last night and saw a family at a table being served by hired help. It struck me a bit odd, especially since we were at a BUFFET, where everyone gets up and grabs their own food. The family of four sat and ate, while a woman in uniform was up and down bringing them plates of various food.

In some cultures, this kind of thing is very acceptable and quite normal but I've never seen anything quite like it here in America. Sure, I know of family and friends that have hired help at their homes but they don't take their hired help to dinner with them. Anyway, the whole thing looked sorely out of place. Anyone else seen anything, unusual, as of late?

What kind of uniform? Could you please describe it?