elefunky Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 I am 18 and a college student. This year I met a great LDS guy, the same age as me, and we started dating. A few months into our relationship, we started to have sex, even though we both knew it was wrong. After about a month of this behavior, we realized our mistakes and completely stopped the practice. It has been about a month, and since the day that we committed to forsake our sins, we have not slipped up, even a little. We also made plans to pray and read the scriptures daily. Since that time, I have grown much closer to the Lord and feel much better about myself. I know that sexual sins are supposed to be confessed to the bishop. However, if I do confess, my mission date, and the mission date of my boyfriend will be moved back an entire year. I am afraid to confess because of this restriction, mainly because my boyfriend is in my ward and my confession would basically force his confession and delay his mission significantly. I have done my best to repent before the Lord and I have felt his love for me. I hoped that I could be forgiven without confession, but my roommate (who knows about the situation) continues to emphasize that I can't be forgiven without talking to the bishop and that I have no right to go on a mission if I don't. I really want to do the right thing, but I feel stuck. What do you suggest for me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 You have to talk to the Bishop. If you want to go through the correct repentence process it's a must. What is more important? Going through the correct process or going on a mission unworthily? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 From the Gospel Principles manual. One of the steps of repentence:We Must Confess Our SinsConfessing our sins is very important. The Lord has commanded us to confess our sins. Confession relieves a heavy burden from the sinner. The Lord has promised, “I, the Lord, forgive sins, and am merciful unto those who confess their sins with humble hearts” (D&C 61:2).We must confess all our sins to the Lord. In addition, we must confess serious sins—such as adultery, fornication, homosexual relations, spouse or child abuse, and the sale or use of illegal drugs—which might affect our standing in the Church, to the proper priesthood authority. If we have sinned against another person, we should confess to the person we have injured. Some less serious sins involve no one but ourselves and the Lord. These may be confessed privately to the Lord. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunny Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 Please go and speak to your bishop. You clearly have a desire to do what is right and that is such a great thing to hear. Would feel quite odd being on a misison with this hanging over you and how would it feel if you come across someone in a similiar situation and you have to counsel them to go speak to their bishop knowing you yourself never went! Don't worry it won't be as scary as you think. God loves you and knows you want to do what is right. If you are still close to this person and he also has a desire to do what is right you may find you can support one another and both go and see the bishop together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 Talk to your bishop today. Don't delay. Seriously, call him right now and tell him you have to talk immediately, not tomorrow, but today. Do it. Don't make excuses. Do it now. Get going on this. If you delay, you might avoid it altogether. Please believe me that YOU DO NOT WANT TO RECEIVE YOUR ENDOWMENT AND MAKE TEMPLE COVENANTS WITHOUT HAVING RESOLVED THIS. If you take care of this now, it will be hard in the short term, but it will make your life much easier and less complicated for the next seventy years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 Elefunky, what if I were to tell you to go ahead, sweep it under the rug, and serve your mission? Then what? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elefunky Posted March 17, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 Thanks for all of your support. As I said, the main conflict for me is that if I confess, my boyfriend will be forced to confess. I feel badly to put him in that situation, because I would rather he confess of his own will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 Thanks for all of your support. As I said, the main conflict for me is that if I confess, my boyfriend will be forced to confess. I feel badly to put him in that situation, because I would rather he confess of his own will. And if he chooses to never do that? You put your own salvation at risk because of that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roseslipper Posted March 17, 2013 Report Share Posted March 17, 2013 you cant think of your bf in this situation. do what u have to do for you and he will do what he choices it might sound selfish but... We all have to choose 4 ourselves... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finrock Posted March 18, 2013 Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 Good morning elefunky. It is a pleasure to meet you and welcome to the forums! :)I really want to do the right thing, but I feel stuck. What do you suggest for me?You are stuck because of your pride. Forsake it and turn with full purpose to God and you will be free!Go talk to your bishop, today.Regards,Finrock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anddenex Posted March 18, 2013 Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 I have a friend who before his mission slipped with the law of Chastity. He interviewed for his mission, and was in the process of sending his mission papers in when the stake president and his bishop received a letter from the girl. This resulted in disciplinary action as well as a year of repentance before serving a mission. Without this decision, this friend of mine would not have been worthy and as good a missionary. Both of you need to repent and speak with your bishop. Serious transgressions, such as breaking the law of chastity, need to be addressed with your bishop. In order to be a good missionary, the individual needs to have the spirit with him. If he has broken the law of chastity then he will not have the spirit, and he will be a hypocrite (without repentance) when teaching the law of chastity to non-members before they are baptized. He needs to go through the repentance process before he serves a mission. You will be doing him a favor, as the young girl who sent a letter to the bishop for my friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted March 18, 2013 Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 I really want to do the right thing, but I feel stuck. What do you suggest for me?In addition to what everyone else has said, I highly recommend breaking up with your boyfriend and avoiding each other altogether (as much as possible while still being in the same ward). It's hard to fully repent when you're still very associated with your sin. Your head will be clearer and more able to focus on mission preparation if you're not distracted by a boy. Even if you don't break up with him, I suggest not reading scriptures and praying together. While you're in such a delicate place right now, that can become a very gray zone very quickly.Thanks for all of your support. As I said, the main conflict for me is that if I confess, my boyfriend will be forced to confess. I feel badly to put him in that situation, because I would rather he confess of his own will.He is already in a bad situation. You'll be doing him a favor. He already made his choice. Don't make more for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted March 18, 2013 Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 Convince your boyfriend to confess either with you or first. If will be best if he confesses rather than "gets caught." It is a serious sin, however you can repent and both of you will feel better. It will become more serious, even though you have stopped the sin, if you wait. I know it is very difficult, but your boyfrined and you obviously want to do the right thing, since you stopped. It might be hard, but will be worth it to confess now and not wait. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted March 18, 2013 Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 Do not be decieved, elefunky. God will not be mocked. If either you or your boyfriend receive your temple covenants and/or engage in full-time missionary service with this sexual sin unresolved, it will be to your hurt. As a man sows, so shall he reap. Please remember this. Don't hide your sin and think you can cover it. Talk to the bishop.As for "outing" your boyfriend, that is not your place to decide. YOU must take care of YOUR evils and sins. To suppose that you somehow have a right to determine what's appropriate based on what your boyfriend may or may not do is far beyond your limits. You must do what's right and let the consequence follow. At this point, doing what's right means turning from your sin, and that means confessing.If you haven't taken care of this yet, do so now. That's my advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted March 18, 2013 Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 This will torture you your whole life if you don't confess to the bishop. Are you afraid your boyfriend will be mad at you? If so, why would you want to be with someone like that? Trust me, you will want your future husband to be a man who is concerned about doing the right thing rather than how he will appear to others. You should talk to you bishop and maybe give your boyfriend a heads up. I'm sure both of you are trying to rationalize why you can repent of this without confession. How can you go out and preach repentance to others when you aren't willing to do it yourselves? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenRaines Posted March 18, 2013 Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 Agree with what everyone has said here. Do not delay going to your Bishop. Do not go out on a mission with unresolved sexual sin. It is the most common reason missionaries return without serving a full mission. Ben Raines Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elefunky Posted March 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 Thank you all for your advice and support! I talked with my boyfriend about it this afternoon and I think we are on the same page about talking to the bishop. The consequences will be difficult to handle but I really do think it's the right thing to do and will make my life better in the long run. Thanks again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janus3003 Posted March 19, 2013 Report Share Posted March 19, 2013 It is the most common reason missionaries return without serving a full mission.This, very much.A friend of mine had an unresolved issue (no sex, but still chastity related) that wound up getting him sent home from the MTC. Chances are that he would have been allowed to serve had he talked about it with the bishop and stake president first (as opposed to leaving it up the Quorum of the Twelve, who, despite their calling, have much more important things to do than fast and pray over one Elder's mistake).Sadly, he's inactive now (though some church members really didn't help with that). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brycematheson Posted March 19, 2013 Report Share Posted March 19, 2013 I couldn't agree more with what everyone else has already said on this topic: Do you truly love God? Or are you just trying to hide your sins? Also, if you really love your boyfriend, it would be good to go and talk to the Bishop. You've realized that it's a big mistake, and it sounds like both of you are on the same page. And that's not to say that it will be an easy path to take, but as soon as you get the repentance process started, the sooner you can get rid of the huge feelings of guilt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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