How do you tell your husband

[Guest]

that you feel like he's stopped courting you, and you miss it?

[unixknight]

If my wife were to tell me something like that, this is how I'd hope she'd say it.

• She would acknowledge the things I HAVE done.  Men need this, or we will feel unappreciated.  (Granted, you may not feel like he's doing enough, but this is a diplomatic approach, not a trial )
• Tell she would tell me she misses when we used to go out to movies/dinner/whatever for dates.
• She would tell me she loves to feel courted, but it hasn't really been happening as much lately, and she would challenge me to up my game.

Nobody likes to feel accused, or like they've been failing (especially if they have been) so this way communicates what you want without it coming across as an attack.

[Guest]

Just like you just told all of us!

He loves you and he will understand!  ☺

[estradling75]

I would say the words.

5 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

that you feel like he's stopped courting you, and you miss it?

It is really that simple. (Guys generally like the blunt approach)

My wife and a I went through a rough patch were we were both trying to do the hundreds of things we wanted together that we were losing... us.

We answered this realization by forcing "date night" into the budget and our schedule... because it needed to be a priority or else what was the point of all the other work we were trying to do?

If you feel that your man might not respond well to your blunt approach... then propose alterations to the budgets and schedules to make more together time because you feel it is important.

Chances are he is feeling it too... He just thinks he needs to bear it as part of his providing for you.

 

[Guest]

I am trying out one hour a night "dedicated wife time".

One hour every night (at least, and after my daughter is in bed), we get to do... Whatever my wife wants!  Board games, romantic comedies, whatever she wants!

Since we are just starting doing this, I will do have to tell you how well it is working in a couple of months.

[Latter-Day Marriage]

14 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

Just like you just told all of us!

He loves you and he will understand!  ☺

Starting with 'I feel..' rather than 'You aren't...' is a good move too.

[Guest]

Just now, Latter-Day Marriage said:

Starting with 'I feel..' rather than 'You aren't...' is a good move too.

Touche! 

[beefche]

I discovered recently that my husband responds to my efforts to show my appreciation to him. I gave him a card where it had a message that resonated with our relationship. I also wrote in it with things that I was proud of him for or appreciated about him. Wow, talk about a response. He bought me flowers, he spent more time with me, he took me out, among other things. Seriously, I wasn't expecting anything in return (other than an acknowledgment and thank you) but did it to remind myself of the things that I appreciate about him now. 

(I've tucked this little tidbit away to use in the future when I need some additional attention from him. Holy cow, did this surprise me!)

[Guest]

On 4/22/2017 at 7:41 PM, Eowyn said:

(How do you tell your husband) that you feel like he's stopped courting you, and you miss it?

Try this:

Quote

Honey, do you still feel twitterpated with me? Cause I miss it.

 

[person0]

Just do this:

 

Works every time! 

[Guest]

3 hours ago, person0 said:

Just do this:

 

Works every time! 

I honestly don't even know what reaction to expect. LOL

[anatess2]

I wouldn't.  I'd court him instead.  Much easier... well, if your husband is like mine.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

1 hour ago, anatess2 said:

I wouldn't.  I'd court him instead.  Much easier... well, if your husband is like mine.

I think this is a really good idea. Whenever I feel that a bit of distance between me and hubby, I start focusing on what I can do to make him happy.  It works every time and like tithing I get back more than I give...always.

[Strongerie]

hmm I felt this too after 4 years of being married, It's pretty normal I guess, what you can do is spice thing up by asking him to go on a date with you or travel somewhere without the kids in tow. (if you have kids) 

[classylady]

Two weeks ago I told my husband I wanted and needed some romance in our relationship. And I asked him "When was the last time you suggested or instigated a date?  When was the last time you were the one to suggest we go out to dinner?"  He hasn't been the one. I've been the one the last year or so requesting we go out. It must have made him feel guilty, because the next week he suggested we go on a picnic up the canyon.  I hope it continues. 

I don't want anyone to think that my husband doesn't do romantic things for me. He often buys me flowers of which I'm very grateful. He just hadn't been the one to suggest a date for quite a long time. And, I'm very grateful I can tell him what I need and he tries to comply. 

[mordorbund]

On 4/26/2017 at 10:04 PM, Strongerie said:

hmm I felt this too after 4 years of being married, It's pretty normal I guess, what you can do is spice thing up by asking him to go on a date with you or travel somewhere without the kids in tow. (if you have kids) 

I've been reading your name as "Stron-ger-ee" until I came to this thread. Suddenly it jumped out to me as "Stron-zher-ay". How do you intend for your name to be read? If you don't tell me, I'll continue to rhyme it with lingerie. 

[mordorbund]

Just now, mordorbund said:

I've been reading your name as "Stron-ger-ee" until I came to this thread. Suddenly it jumped out to me as "Stron-zher-ay". How do you intend for your name to be read? If you don't tell me, I'll continue to rhyme it with lingerie. 

Mordorbund, isn't that kind of creepy to say out lout?

Aw, what are you worried about, we already have bronies in the forums.

[Bad Karma]

Tell him exactly that! 

If Mrs. Karma ever tells me that, I'm going to cry like a kid who's ice cream was stolen, then I am going to go court my wife and  make it better. Wow, just imagining hearing my wife say that to me makes my knees buckle as I think about how selfish I often am. Yikes, I'm cashing my own reality check. 

[Guest]

On 4/22/2017 at 8:04 PM, DoctorLemon said:

I am trying out one hour a night "dedicated wife time".

One hour every night (at least, and after my daughter is in bed), we get to do... Whatever my wife wants!  Board games, romantic comedies, whatever she wants!

Since we are just starting doing this, I will do have to tell you how well it is working in a couple of months.

So anyways, my wife and I have been doing this hour a night dedicated wife time for a month now.

Just last week, my wife comes to me and says, "I want you to play more video games with me!  I want you to join my online guild!"  (I am not making this up, she really did say this!).

So she bought me a nice new gaming laptop, and we have been playing Star Wars: The Old Republic an hour a night together for the past several nights.

So husbands, courting your wife can indeed be awesome.  Especially if you are married to a gamer...

[JohnsonJones]

3 hours ago, DoctorLemon said:

So anyways, my wife and I have been doing this hour a night dedicated wife time for a month now.

Just last week, my wife comes to me and says, "I want you to play more video games with me!  I want you to join my online guild!"  (I am not making this up, she really did say this!).

So she bought me a nice new gaming laptop, and we have been playing Star Wars: The Old Republic an hour a night together for the past several nights.

So husbands, courting your wife can indeed be awesome.  Especially if you are married to a gamer...

We have very different wives.  If my wife wanted me to do that, I suppose I would...but no desire to play an online MMORPG (?) myself.  That would be more forbearance on my part than enjoyment.

We decided long ago that we would have to pray together as a couple every night, and then spend at least a minimum of 5 minutes with pillow talk afterwards.  We could never seem to find that hour with kids, but five minutes as you go to sleep seemed plausible for us at the time.

I do go out on a date with her these days two or three times a week, so there's that regarding courting.

[seashmore]

Disclaimer: I'm not married, and I didn't read all of the other responses.

A woman in my branch once shared that she and her husband have a list of 5-10 ways they want to be shown affection. They come together periodically to revisit the list, but it works pretty well for them. For instance, he knows she likes when he calls her over his lunch break or surprises her with a candy bar, and she knows he likes a kiss as he leaves for work.

In any relationship, clear communication brings forth the best results. 

[Me too]

On 4/22/2017 at 6:41 PM, Guest said:

that you feel like he's stopped courting you, and you miss it?

Take the initiative and court him.  While you are out having fun, tell him how much you miss it when he courted you.  Tell him how it made you feel.  I know for me, I don't feel comfortable calling the young women in my ward to babysit.  This for me is one of the obstacles for me taking out my wife.  Like it or not, your husband has feelings too and needs to be courted. 

[pauldarling]

HI there, I think you need to have good chat with him that what do you feel.

[Midwest LDS]

It's all about communication. I think a lot of guys are like me. If I don't hear anything, I assume life is status quo. Let him know you want him to be more romantic and you want to do more stuff together, and I'm sure he will respond positively. I know I would if my wife told me that.

As a side note @DoctorLemon your wife is awesome. She sounds like mine (my wife went to a whole bunch of different stores secretly to get me that new mini SNES)

Edited April 11, 2018 by Midwest LDS

[Lost Boy]

How much effort have you spent on courting him? What is the benefit to him for courting you? 

I let my marriage go flabby and I now spend a lot of energy courting my wife of 25 years. I don't get as much out of the courting as I would like, but I suspect that this will change soon. 

He may not feel enthusiastic about courting. Have an honest and non judgmental discussion with him. Tell him you miss the date nights.  Ask him why "we" don't do them any more.  Share in the responsibility of courting. Find out his feelings and don't judge him for his feelings. Work together on any issues. 

And pray for guidance. Offer to set up the first date. Trust me guys like the attention as well.