Unpleasant Behavior at work


Sunday21
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You see a coworker being subjected to unpleasant behavior by a colleague or a boss....  

15 members have voted

  1. 1. You feel:

    • Relieved that it is not you
      3
    • Angry with the person who is treating the coworker unpleasantly
      11
    • Angry with the person who is treated unpleasantly. it is probably their fault
      1
  2. 2. What do you do?

    • Avoid the person who was treated unpleasantly
      1
    • Listen sympathetically to the person who was treated unpleasantly
      13
    • Try not to think about it
      1
  3. 3. What should people do when they see colleagues being treated unpleasantly at work by colleagues or bosses?

    • Ignore the situation. The person being treated unpleasantly probably deserves it
      1
    • Be sympathetic to the person who was treated mispleasantly
      1
    • Inform someone who can help, eg HR
      10
    • Intervene.
      2
    • Do nothing. It is difficult to know what the right thing to do is.
      1


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I am thinking of doing some research on those who observe coworkers being subjected to unpleasant behavior at work. I will begin by giving participants a definition of mistreatment which will range from things like:

not passing on information that someone needs to do their work

not inviting someone to an important meeting

shaking a fist in someone's face

cruel jokes, ridicule

racial slurs & insults

swearing

not inviting someone to lunch with colleagues

Edited by Sunday21
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Guest MormonGator
5 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

Ummm. Explain! Who is hitting who? Observer is hitting mistreated person? 

He's joking.

That solution might work in the pseudo tough guy internet world but in the real world if you did that, you wouldn't feel that tough when the police put you in handcuffs and kindly escort you to a jail cell where you will spend the night with a homicidal gang member. ;)

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1 hour ago, Sunday21 said:

Ummm. Explain! Who is hitting who? Observer is hitting mistreated person? 

Mistreatee or observer is kicking butt of mistreator.  I guess I should have included a picture of the unemployment office,  too.

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Well, since I'm the one being misreated, what do you think my answers would be?

As an observer?

3 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

not passing on information that someone needs to do their work

Unacceptable if it is done on purpose.

not inviting someone to an important meeting

Unacceptable if it is done on purpose.

shaking a fist in someone's face

Unacceptable if it is not in self defense

cruel jokes, ridicule

Tough one.  Could be the nature of the person.  Maybe they ridicule everyone and they expect to be ridiculed as well.  I do this all the time.  And I take it just as well as I give it out.  Most of the people in the office get it.  But there's one guy in the office who refuses to consider it funny, but proceeds to ridicule me.

racial slurs & insults

Unacceptable

swearing

Unfortunately, this happens all the time.

not inviting someone to lunch with colleagues

How is this mistreating someone?  If I don't like someone, I don't want to go to lunch with them.  Why would I invite them?

 

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1 hour ago, NeuroTypical said:

I honestly haven't seen behavior like this in a workplace setting in over a decade.  If someone tried any of that stuff, management would try to fix whatever was causing it, and if that didn't work, whoever was behaving that way would be unemployed.

Why do you think there is so little conflict? 

Do you work in an environment in which most people:

work autonomously? THat is they are not competing for resources? They do not need to obtain resources/information from  from others? Demands are reasonable? People are rarely fired? DO people tend to focus on the task rather than fixating on personalities? 

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@Carborendum. Not inviting someone to lunch, could be ostracizing them so imagine a workplace in which:

everyone went to lunch together except one person who was:

black

chinese

native

filipino

poor

did not have a college education

Female

gay

mormon

catholic

fundamentalist 

Muslim

fat

isolating such a person would depress them, make them feel more anxious, make them feel that they have less control over their lives, and make them feel that life is less worth living

controlling for gender, emotional stability, loneliness etc.

Ostracism also affects an employees ability to make business contacts, cuts them off from useful information

 

 

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9 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

@Carborendum. Not inviting someone to lunch, could be ostracizing them so imagine a workplace in which:

everyone went to lunch together except one person who was:

black

chinese

native

filipino

poor

did not have a college education

Female

gay

mormon

catholic

fundamentalist 

Muslim

fat

isolating such a person would depress them, make them feel more anxious, make them feel that they have less control over their lives, and make them feel that life is less worth living

controlling for gender, emotional stability, loneliness etc.

Ostracism also affects an employees ability to make business contacts, cuts them off from useful information

What about ostracizing someone because they are incompetent, messed up in the head, and generally a jerk?  (I'm afraid I can't use the appropriate descriptor for him on Mormonhub.)

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6 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

@Carborendum. Not allowed to interview people who are being mistreated! Can't get this through Ethics! Only allowed to interview observers/bystanders/3rd parties! The idea is that if we understand when/why observers lend a hand/feel compassion, we may be able to break the cycle!

As the observer of mistreatment in an office environment, I do my best to determine if it really is mistreatment or if the behavior is justified.  If it really is mistreatment, I step in.  End of story.

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Just now, Carborendum said:

What about ostracizing someone because they are incompetent, messed up in the head, and generally a jerk?  (I'm afraid I can't use the appropriate descriptor for him on Mormonhub.)

@Carborendum. Not judging you! Just trying to understand! If you are not inviting him to lunch, I am sure you have a good reason. Now, what do you do when you think someone else is being treated in an unpleasant manner? 

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2 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

As the observer of mistreatment in an office environment, I do my best to determine if it really is mistreatment or if the behavior is justified.  If it really is mistreatment, I step in.  End of story.

Excellent. So if you step in, what do you do?

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2 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

Excellent. So if you step in, what do you do?

I interrupt and ask,"Is there a problem?"  If I am the supervisor of the individuals in question, I tell them to take a chill pill and make up after they've cooled off.  If it is someone I'm not the supervisor for, I ask if their supervisor would approve of their behavior.

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12 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

I interrupt and ask,"Is there a problem?"  If I am the supervisor of the individuals in question, I tell them to take a chill pill and make up after they've cooled off.  If it is someone I'm not the supervisor for, I ask if their supervisor would approve of their behavior.

Thanks!

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9 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

I honestly haven't seen behavior like this in a workplace setting in over a decade.  If someone tried any of that stuff, management would try to fix whatever was causing it, and if that didn't work, whoever was behaving that way would be unemployed.

So who ever was behaving that way would be unemployed? Really is it that easy to fire someone where you live? We would have to pay 3-4 weeks salary per year of service, in some situations 4-5 weeks salary per year of service. Bad behaviour tends to be worse in public admin than in manufacturing (USA). I wonder if that is because people who behave badly stay longer in public admin. Better job security.

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7 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

Why do you think there is so little conflict? 

Do you work in an environment in which most people:

work autonomously? THat is they are not competing for resources? They do not need to obtain resources/information from  from others? Demands are reasonable? People are rarely fired? DO people tend to focus on the task rather than fixating on personalities? 

This question makes me wonder where in the world you work.  Are people really so nasty in other places?

21 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

Really is it that easy to fire someone where you live? We would have to pay 3-4 weeks salary per year of service, in some situations 4-5 weeks salary per year of service. Bad behaviour tends to be worse in public admin than in manufacturing (USA). I wonder if that is because people who behave badly stay longer in public admin. Better job security.

...And this explains everything.  And I consider it demonic.  I'd much rather live in a place where employers had the right to discriminate for stupid things like race, gender, height, attractiveness, age, politics, religion, you name it; than in a place where people never face the consequences of their actions.  Cater to a behavior and you encourage it.  Create so many "protected" classes of people that it becomes impossible to fire a lousy employee because he'll sue you for "discrimination" and you deserve to live in a world where behavior spirals ever downward into the realms of evil.  When there are no positive consequences, good people move on.  When there are are no negative consequences, bad people move in and get worse.

Seriously, I have to wonder what world you live in and how I avoid it like the plague.  In my experience, discrimination (which I have experienced) is irrelevant if you do literally the best job you are able to do.  Do that, and you will be confident, successful, and find new jobs in places that appreciate you after leaving the jerks who didn't want you behind (this is a much better model than forcing yourself on people who don't want you but have to take you because the man said so).  Don't do your best, and while you may not deserve what others are doing, you're still choosing to endure when you could do more to change it.

7 hours ago, Carborendum said:

What about ostracizing someone because they are incompetent, messed up in the head, and generally a jerk?  (I'm afraid I can't use the appropriate descriptor for him on Mormonhub.)

Or because he's a white male?  Or because he eats with his mouth open?

PS: I don't go to lunch with anyone.  I have better things to do.

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7 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

The idea is that if we understand when/why observers lend a hand/feel compassion, we may be able to break the cycle!

The thing is that sometimes there is no compassion because the person should not be working there.  This is not a family.  It is not a group home.  It is not a church or charity.  It is a business.  And while we do everything we can to ensure a pleasant working environment, we cannot have incompetent individuals in the company.  They need to be fired so the business can thrive.

If people are really that "Nasty" then they should also be fired.  Now, there is a difference between "nasty" and "unpleasant".  There has to be a line that is crossed.  And each company has to determine through corporate culture where that line is.

36 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

So who ever was behaving that way would be unemployed? Really is it that easy to fire someone where you live? We would have to pay 3-4 weeks salary per year of service, in some situations 4-5 weeks salary per year of service. Bad behaviour tends to be worse in public admin than in manufacturing (USA). I wonder if that is because people who behave badly stay longer in public admin. Better job security.

That is why socialism is bad. :)

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6 minutes ago, zil said:

Or because he's a white male?  Or because he eats with his mouth open?

If that's your thing, then go ahead.  But just don't let it bleed into your professional work.  And the fact is that "corporate culture" determines whether or not you will be ostracized for ostracizing someone because he's a white male or if he eats with his mouth open.

Eventually, as that corporate culture develops, it will be rewarded or punished in the free market.

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20 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

If that's your thing, then go ahead.  But just don't let it bleed into your professional work.  And the fact is that "corporate culture" determines whether or not you will be ostracized for ostracizing someone because he's a white male or if he eats with his mouth open.

Actually, I was kinda pointing out that all those "protected" people @Sunday21 listed are everyone except straight, white males, which is wrong as can be.  Protected classes may once have had a place, they don't any more.  And sometimes, there's a perfectly good reason for not wanting to eat in a particular person's presence. :)

20 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

Eventually, as that corporate culture develops, it will be rewarded or punished in the free market.

...as long as there's still a free market.

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1 minute ago, Sunday21 said:

@zil. The payout 3-4 weeks pay in most places in the country is for everyone if they work in a company over a certain size...unless you can assert just cause. So stealing, no problem asserting just cause. But tardiness, no chance that this would count. 

This does not change my opinion at all. :)

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