Something drew me here all the way from Europe and Im not exactly sure what it is...

[Kimberley93]

Hello Everyone

I'm Kimberley and im a female from northern Europe. English is not my first language but I try very hard to explain as clearly as I can what I feel.

First off I grew up atheist. both my mother and father are from a roman catholic background. but my dad HATES the church because he was forced as a child and forced to be ´´proper´´ but he is very alternative looking. My mom is still catholic. registered as one but she does not believe in god either. she says she believes there may be a after life but that's about it. I never was much into contact with religion in any point of my life, and I still don't think I could ever believe in a god. I was some what of a Pagan into my teen years. I wasn't always the hardcore atheist I am now, what made me completely shift from religion is , my friend killed herself at 18. we Always joked about how if one of us died we would come visit each other or ´´haunt´´ each other to know we are still there. So I was ACTUALLY seriously waiting for her presence..it never happened. nothing. And this may sound stupid but she wasn't the kind of girl that would not…come haunt me or visit me if she died. After 5 years of waiting I completely lost any sense of after life/spirituality or a god being there.

I would say very little is known about the Mormon church in my country if I google the word Mormon in my own language all I get is ´´why i left the Mormon church´´ and ´´10 weird things about the Mormon ´´cult´´ ´´ as they call it. I'm not gonna lie I have seen the south park episode a lot of times so I know some of what the Mormons believe, but I never thought much of the episode It didn't leave me thinking ´´what a weird religion´´ or something I just watched another tv show and it was gone from my mind.

Now I am a violinist. and was recommended Lindsey Stirling and I quite liked some of her songs and attitude. people kept bringing up she was a Mormon and how even many people said it made them disappointed in Lindsey, I raised my eyebrows every time I read that and then remembered oh Mormons ! as in from the south park episode. So I started researching out of curiosity. and found so many things I could connect to it, it surprised me. I have searched many religions Islam,catholic,Judaism but i never thought..ooh. it was always a..egh.. no. and I simply forgot about it. a few things I could connect to, are their fascination with genealogy and your past family, and how you feel connected to them. I have almost been doing 10 years of genealogy (since my early teens) I don't know what it is, But i have always felt such a spiritual connection to my ancestors, I love to see the places they lived what they looked like. I have a picture of my great grandparents in my room and people think it is weird but I sometimes cry when I think of my ancestors, and see pictures of the places they lived,their stories..or what I imagine they look like cause I feel such a huge bond with them. even if they have been gone for 500 years they are me! I am part of them. I don't know why that makes me so emotional. another thing I can relate to is the values, I am all for modesty and don't believe in how everything is all oversexed and about alcohol/materialism these days. it seems so hard for me to find people who share the same thoughts as me, I don't drink smoke or do drugs, and it is sooo difficult to find anyone like minded I was always ´´the weird kid´´ due to these things. I don't believe in showing cleavage  or anything that makes your body exposed. Id honestly like to discus femininity and how to even become more feminine and lady like without being branded as anti feminist and a disgrace to women. for those who don't know northern/western Europe is extremely feminist ish, and not the good feminist kind, but the kind that believes femininity is a dirty word. Of course, Im not gonna lie. I know there are more reasons why I am probably not suited for Mormonism.

 I don't know how big of a deal this really is so im just judging by the research I have done. I don't care if gays are married or have a relationship or have a sexual relationship, I think this is a very northern European thing, I don't know why, but I don't see the big deal why people care so much if two men or women love each other im like whatever let them. Another thing is of course Jesus, I have Always had very much trouble believing any of the bible stories especially the one where a virgin became pregnant, as we can not become pregnant from the air so to say, I hope this doesn't offend anyone I m just speaking my thoughts here.

I have also a long history of mental health issues (I was in mental hospitals at 16 so it can be pretty serious)

And I have found the religions I do have come into contact with a tiny bit(which Mormons aren't part of) seem to blame my lack of faith for my issues even though I just was unlucky and had some traumatic experiences during my child hood and that it was not a matter of lack of faith in anything. So if anyone has read all of this thank you! And you may even wonder why are you even here now? That´s what i´m wondering too! I really have no idea what draws me here. and why I just want to know more. Mormonism is a extremely small part of our religious community(there are about 7000 of a population of 17 million) in the country and the vast majority of the people here are atheists, I don't know... Im looking for advice, to know why I keep researching Mormonism but it so hard to find good sources especially in my native language, I don't know I have never felt anything like this with any religion. I feel a connection but I also feel a huuuuuuge gap. I don't know anymore.

You also may think, well with these thoughts.. you´d probably feel well at home in your atheist country/community. well no actually far from it. I don't know what it is, but I feel just as disconnected to atheists as I do to Muslims or Catholics. There is something that just isn't right about it either for me, people often assume because i believe in modesty and no alcohol im a ´´religious nutt job´´ as they'd call it here, and are blown away when I tell them i´m atheist.  I don't know myself either or understand. I also don't agree with everything science claims some things just don't sound  right to me. so I don't identify with the very strict scientific side of atheism either.

Even if no one will answer this I just needed to get this of my chest and I cant talk about this to anyone in my country, I have a American (protestant) friend. but he too is pretty judgemental on this subject. Thank you all for reading this and thank you even more if you have advice.

[my two cents]

Welcome!  So glad you're here!  In case you haven't included this in your research, mormon.org is a great place to learn about us and there's quite a variety of languages to choose from to make it easier (scroll to the bottom).  

I'm sorry about your experience with mental illness and what may have led to it.  I'm also sorry that you haven't felt understood or accepted for your thoughts and feelings about things that are important to you like modesty, etc.  

I love your sense of family connection!  Not sure if you've visited familysearch.org but that's a free site you may want to look over if you haven't already. Oh, you may also like puzzilla.org, pedigree pie, rootsmapper and geneopardy (just google these).  

Anyway, again welcome to the forum - from someone who's ancestors come mainly from the UK and Sweden. 

Edited June 13, 2017 by my two cents

[zil]

Welcome, @Kimberley93!  Glad to have you here.  We'll be happy to answer any questions you have and discuss our beliefs with you, if you wish.

[askandanswer]

Hi @Kimberley93 welcome to the forum. I completely endorse what @my two cents worth has said about mormon.org. If you want to learn more about the Mormon church, in a completely safe environment, that is a great place to start. I think the best way to start would be to browse around on mormon.org, and when you feel ready, or when you become more curious, you might want to try clicking on the pop up screen where it says click to chat. That will connect you with a live representative of the church who will do his/her best to answer whatever questions you may have. 

Based on your population estimates of 17 million and about 7,000 members, I'm guessing you're from the Netherlands. The webpage for the church in the Netherlands is  http://www.kerkvanjezuschristus.org/ If you're not from the Netherlands, you can access the website for your country from here - https://www.lds.org/countries/region?lang=eng&region=europe 

I also completely agree with what @my two cents has said about familysearch.org. If you go to the site and enter the names of some of your deceased ancestors, it's entirely possible that you will find information about them and other ancestors through this site. 

At this point, I wouldn't worry about believing or disbelieving some of the bible stories. That shouldn't be something to hold you back at this point. 

Best wishes for your future inquiries, I hope you find what you are looking for.

[Jane_Doe]

Hi @Kimberley93,

Welcome to the forum, and (more importantly) welcome to exploring a relationship with God!  A couple of random disjointed things stood out in your post to me--

-- What is your native language?  That way we can help point you in the right direction (it's a super big deal for the Church to make things in people's native languages).   

Here's mormon.org in Swedish https://www.mormon.org/swe, Finnish https://www.mormon.org/fin, Norwegian https://www.mormon.org/nor, and Danish https://www.mormon.org/dan

-- Mental Illness: a lot of people have suffered from mental illness, including a lot of LDS people such as myself and others on the board.  It's nothing to be ashamed about, no more than having a broken bone.  Here's a link to a fantastic talk about mental illness from one of our modern day Apostles: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng  (you can watch/read/listen, whatever suits your fancy).  I can also get the translated one in your native language.  

-- People think I'm strange vibes -- *yeah*.  Heh, that's just me.  Speaking personally, I have no desire to be a clone like everyone else, but am going to pursue what I feel is right, everyone else doesn't matter.  Sometimes the path I go through is extremely unexpected, like falling in love-- doesn't mean it's bad at all.  Just unexpected.  

[my two cents]

14 hours ago, Kimberley93 said:

I really have no idea what draws me here. and why I just want to know more. Mormonism is a extremely small part of our religious community(there are about 7000 of a population of 17 million) in the country and the vast majority of the people here are atheists, I don't know... Im looking for advice, to know why I keep researching Mormonism but it so hard to find good sources especially in my native language, I don't know I have never felt anything like this with any religion. I feel a connection but I also feel a huuuuuuge gap. I don't know anymore.

Popping back in because it occurred to me that your ancestors might be the reason why you feel drawn to learn more about Mormonism.  We believe that families are eternal and that our ancestors are aware of us and watch over us.  We have the restored priesthood keys and in our temples, ordinances are performed that link generations together.  We also believe that those who didn't have a chance to hear the Gospel while living on Earth, are taught in the spirit realm after they pass away and are given the opportunity to accept it. I hope this makes sense (someone here might explain things better) but I'm thinking that your ancestors know how much you're interested in them and feel that you may be the one to help get everyone connected together forever.  Just something to consider and since your musically inclined, here's a clip from a little song that sums up my comments (A Never Ending Chain by Clive Romney): http://mp3songpreview.net/clive-romney-a-never-ending-chain_mp3-song-download-1245096

[Kimberley93]

I´m so glad for all of your help and comments! well, something unexpected happened today. I was told someone was for me at the door and it was the people of the local Mormon church! (I had already on Mormon.org applied for a bible to learn more, but I assumed it would come in the mail) they were very nice, and asked me all sort of questions and why I had a interest in Mormon church and if I believed in god. Since it was very unexpected visit, and I was sa bit overwhelmed, I didn't have much time. so they asked me if they could come over to talk more some time, and I scheduled a appointment for this Friday. Im not sure what to expect from the conversation but I am looking forward to it very much! and willing to learn more. as I said before in my post, this is the first time I have felt a connection to any belief/religion. so it is really a big deal for me. Yes my two cents, that is a thing that really attracted me to Mormonism, cause yes there are many people that do research their family trees. but for me it was always a very deep and emotional almost spiritual experience. and that is a very beautiful song indeed thank you for sharing! also yes I am indeed dutch and from the Netherlands, we usually call our selves northern Europe but are sometimes also referred to as western Europe so I wasn't sure what term to use in English.

[my two cents]

I love your enthusiasm! Please keep us posted on how things go.

[estradling75]

Congrats on triggering the missionaries by indicating you were interested in learning more.

Understand that the missionaries have a objective to convert you.  They do this by teaching you more about the LDS faith and making the case of why it is true and what God would have you do.  They will invite you to read the scriptures, to pray, to attend the local congratulation, and to be baptised.   Some missionaries might get a little pushy in this effort.  Feel free to move only at the pace you are comfortable with and tell them "no" if you are not ready.  (But if you are ready by all means say "yes")

[Kimberley93]

well its is now the end of Friday! at least in my country. I wanted to update earlier, but it was all very overwhelming, and I had piano lessons and was just so tired for a while. well I read some of the bible Thursday. it wasn't much I read the introduction about Joseph smith and the first 4 chapters. which is about 12 pages I found it all interesting to read. I was very nervous though this morning, religious people have always been intimidating to me cause I always felt so judged by them. I know atheist aren't all that nice either and can be very pushy too. well I had a AMAZING conversation with both girls. they were very friendly we talked about a lot, also how I found out about Mormon religion through Lindsey Stirling and about my love for genealogy and modesty. they asked me if I was interested in coming to church with them this Sunday, and I said yes of course. well after that I went straight to my piano teacher and on the way back home I felt something weird. I felt very overwhelmed I can't explain it I shed a few tears out of nowhere I felt like ...I couldn't even describe it, I felt like I found something beautiful and it started to sank in a bit late. so I am looking forward Sunday to see all of this in ''practice'' as I say for a lack of a better word.

[Jane_Doe]

4 hours ago, Kimberley93 said:

well its is now the end of Friday! at least in my country. I wanted to update earlier, but it was all very overwhelming, and I had piano lessons and was just so tired for a while. well I read some of the bible Thursday. it wasn't much I read the introduction about Joseph smith and the first 4 chapters. which is about 12 pages I found it all interesting to read. I was very nervous though this morning, religious people have always been intimidating to me cause I always felt so judged by them. I know atheist aren't all that nice either and can be very pushy too. well I had a AMAZING conversation with both girls. they were very friendly we talked about a lot, also how I found out about Mormon religion through Lindsey Stirling and about my love for genealogy and modesty. they asked me if I was interested in coming to church with them this Sunday, and I said yes of course. well after that I went straight to my piano teacher and on the way back home I felt something weird. I felt very overwhelmed I can't explain it I shed a few tears out of nowhere I felt like ...I couldn't even describe it, I felt like I found something beautiful and it started to sank in a bit late. so I am looking forward Sunday to see all of this in ''practice'' as I say for a lack of a better word.

Well that's just freaking awesome!!

[askandanswer]

I'm very happy for you Kimberley, I'm sure that was a wonderful, moving experience, and I'm guessing you have never had that kind of experience before. My guess is that what you were feeling was the fruit of the spirit as described in the New Testament, in Galatians 5:22: 22  "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith" I believe that what you felt was a spiritual experience, with the Spirit communicating with your spirit, telling you that what you heard from the missionaries, and read from the Book of Mormon is true. I really hope things go well for you at Sunday, and that you feel comfortable and at home in the church meetings you attend.  

[Kimberley93]

Well I'm gonna do a short update. I I had quite a few meetings and I really loved it. until I heard about the 10% income you need to give to your church, I don't want to say too much about my income but it is so low I can't even rent and I still live with my mom, I give her 1/3 of my income for rent and stuff, I also have a dog cats and a hamster and all Dutch people have to pay about 120 euros for health insurance each month(even if ur not sick) . And Itll break my heart to give up violin which I can't. I'm single and very low educated I will never get a job that will give me a good income, finding a job is very difficult if you have no diplomas and have a history of mental health.  So I'm afraid I'll have to tell people Sunday. Im not proud of my financial situation so I won't get to deep into that. I considered baptism but I'm not willing to give up the very tiny Financial security I have now. 

Edited June 30, 2017 by Kimberley93

[Guest]

8 minutes ago, Kimberley93 said:

Well I'm gonna do a short update. I I had quite a few meetings and I really loved it. until I heard about the 10% income you need to give to your church, I don't want to say too much about my income but it is so low I can't even rent and I still live with my mom, I give her 1/3 of my income for rent and stuff, I also have a dog cats and a hamster and all Dutch people have to pay about 120 euros for health insurance each month(even if ur not sick) . And Itll break my heart to give up violin which I can't. I'm single and very low educated I will never get a job that will give me a good income, finding a job is very difficult if you have no diplomas and have a history of mental health.  So I'm afraid I'll have to tell people Sunday. Im not proud of my financial situation so I won't get to deep into that. I considered baptism but I'm not willing to give up the very tiny Financial security I have now. 

You should talk with your local bishop about your financial situation.  Depending on your circumstances, the Church can and does help people who are in financial need.

[Guest MormonGator]

20 minutes ago, Kimberley93 said:

Well I'm gonna do a short update. I I had quite a few meetings and I really loved it. until I heard about the 10% income you need to give to your church, I don't want to say too much about my income but it is so low I can't even rent and I still live with my mom, I give her 1/3 of my income for rent and stuff, I also have a dog cats and a hamster and all Dutch people have to pay about 120 euros for health insurance each month(even if ur not sick) . And Itll break my heart to give up violin which I can't. I'm single and very low educated I will never get a job that will give me a good income, finding a job is very difficult if you have no diplomas and have a history of mental health.  So I'm afraid I'll have to tell people Sunday. Im not proud of my financial situation so I won't get to deep into that. I considered baptism but I'm not willing to give up the very tiny Financial security I have now. 

A lot of converts have an issue with the tithing.  It is certainly one of the harder things about being LDS. I'm not saying anything against it at all, just that a lot of converts have an issue with it and that it is difficult. That's it. 

No matter what you choose we're still praying for you, for sure! 

Edited June 30, 2017 by MormonGator

[Kimberley93]

Thank you both!, I understand actually why they would ask,  I mean churches also may need restorations and all the other work they do. I So I do get the reason behind it.  but it would be quite a lot for someone with my income. I'm also not proud of my current financial situation. I dropped out of high school due to being tormented by memories of my friends suicide and childhood abuse after that it was a lot of therapy and it caused me to lose all my friends and education. Thank you doctor lemon I will try to talk about that Sunday. I it's a bit shameful for me to bring the subject up, cause as I said it's a rather embarrassing situation. 

Edited June 30, 2017 by Kimberley93

[my two cents]

@Kimberley93 - Good to hear from you!  I've been wondering how things have been going.  I understand that tithing can be a challenge but please don't throw the baby out with the bathwater (I know you didn't say you would but people sometimes do unfortunately).  Keep learning, meeting, attending, etc.  The Church is made up of people from all walks of life so just take the time you need.  Also, the Church has an education program called Pathway.  Not sure if it's in your area but it wouldn't hurt to ask your bishop about it.

[Sunday21]

@Kimberley93. HI I would talk to the bishop and explain your sitauation. Why not pray about your situation as well. Good luck!

[askandanswer]

Hi @Kimberley93 thanks for the update, i had been wondering how things are going. I can't make a proper reply to your post now as I have to go out, but I will post the following, and hopefully add to it later. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but what you are saying reminds me of a scripture in Matthew:

16  ¶ And, behold, one came and said unto him, Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life?
17  And he said unto him, Why callest thou me good?  there is none good but one, that is, God: but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments.
18  He saith unto him, Which?  Jesus said, Thou shalt do no murder, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness,
19  Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
20  The young man saith unto him, All these things have I kept from my youth up: what lack I yet?
21  Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.
22  But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions.
 

It sounds like you don't have "great possessions" but I can see some similarities in your situation and that of the young man Jesus is speaking about here.

[Sunday21]

Dear @Kimberley93 

Why not hang out with the lds crowd for awhile? Attend the activities, go to church..maybe there is a Book of Mormon class? Things have a way of resolving themselves!

[Kimberley93]

Thank you all for you kind and helpful words. Well, I haven't gotten the chance to discuss it yet, since the day was pretty fun and light atmosphered I didn't want to bring it up yet. But I wonder do they ask for the tithing after baptism or after you join a local church officially? I'm not sure whether I'd like to join the church I go to now. I mean they are all nice and it's nothing aga instead the specific church but I plan on moving to the opposite side of my country.  Or is it after baptism? 

[Jane_Doe]

9 minutes ago, Kimberley93 said:

Thank you all for you kind and helpful words. Well, I haven't gotten the chance to discuss it yet, since the day was pretty fun and light atmosphered I didn't want to bring it up yet. But I wonder do they ask for the tithing after baptism or after you join a local church officially? I'm not sure whether I'd like to join the church I go to now. I mean they are all nice and it's nothing aga instead the specific church but I plan on moving to the opposite side of my country.  Or is it after baptism? 

When you get baptized, you are promising to the Lord that you will pay tithing as His servant.  We each promise to take on His name, always remember Him, keep His commandments, and serve Him to the end.   God promises to forgive our sins, pour out His spirit abundantly, and always be with us.  Through baptism we are born again.  

Also, when a person is baptized they are *not* joining the local congregation, but rather the worldwide Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints.  So it doesn't matter if you move across the country or across the world: we're also part of same Church of Jesus Christ.  I am a member of that same Church you attend in the Netherlands, and I've never left North America!  Likewise, our friends in the Philippines are part of the same Church.  

 

 

[Kimberley93]

Thank you Jane_Doe! 

[Kimberley93]

So I read more about it online and there are apparently full tithing, part time tithing and non tithing members., and the last two are not allowed to enter a temple or perform certain functions. As far as I've understood. Some websites even say part time and non tithing members are going to 'burn in hell'. I guess maybe it's better to postpone serious issues like baptism till better financial times arrive,  But I unfortunately don't see that happen in the near future. I mean I could quit and contact the church within a few years again but that seems more like wasting years/time. I was thinking maybe the subject would be brought up on its own eventually I feel really uncomfortable mentioning it out of nowhere and having to explain the truth about how I failed a lot in this life and the Chances of it improving are significantly small?

Edited July 2, 2017 by Kimberley93

[Sunday21]

38 minutes ago, Kimberley93 said:

So I read more about it online and there are apparently full tithing, part time tithing and non tithing members., and the last two are not allowed to enter a temple or perform certain functions. As far as I've understood. Some websites even say part time and non tithing members are going to 'burn in hell'. I guess maybe it's better to postpone serious issues like baptism till better financial times arrive,  But I unfortunately don't see that happen in the near future. I mean I could quit and contact the church within a few years again but that seems more like wasting years/time. I was thinking maybe the subject would be brought up on its own eventually I feel really uncomfortable mentioning it out of nowhere and having to explain the truth about how I failed a lot in this life and the Chances of it improving are significantly small?

Dear @Kimberley93, Not sure about those websites you are reading! I don't think anyone 'burns in hell'. Why not talk to the bishop? When you get baptized, you promise to obey the commandments but..we have people here who live on government assistance. I suspect that these people don't pay tithing. We have people who do not earn a salary eg stay at home moms. These people don't pay tithing. Time for a chat with the bishop! If you are too nervous to talk to the bishop try posting questions to Mormon.org. You can chat with missionaries there.

Edited July 2, 2017 by Sunday21