I fell in love with my missionary and now I'm confused:(

[Mormonjennymissouri]

I know, it's easy to say 'get over it' and it's the advice I'd give others too.  So no offense taken.  This just feels a bit different than a fling.  I was feeling like I was in such a slump, which is why I reached out on here. 

And Suzie is right, I need to just cut him out of my life.  We're still connected on all social media and he still calls me and sends me stuff to read, which seems nice, but it's not allowing me to heal.  Maybe he was only meant to be in my life to introduce me to the church.  I need to make new friends in my ward.

[Still_Small_Voice]

I wish we could go into a church classroom we many of the members on this church forum and have a discussion on the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the many opportunities, joys and blessings it will give you if you follow His commandments.  I am sorry you were hurt and feel used.  Do not talk with this missionary anymore and begin to focus your life on the way of happiness. 

Begin a prayer strategy with your Heavenly Father who wants you to succeed in your life.  Set goals in prayer, begin to dream, find joy (pray for joy of the LORD to fill your life) and work toward those goals.

[seashmore]

@Mormonjennymissouri I honestly thought I responded to this. 

He sounds like the nicest jerk on the planet. And I say that from experience. While mine wasn't who introduced me to the church, he was my Institute and make out buddy for over a year. He was a great friend in many ways, but not so great in many others. It literally broke my heart when I had to untie the knot. It took some time (more time than we were "together," if I'm completely honest) to distance myself from the desire to have him in my life all the time. It hurt, and it still hurts a little, and it has been the most bittersweet aspect of my life thus far. Mostly because it involved a lot of repentance on my part. 

So I'm going to tell you what I wish I could go back and tell myself: he may be a good guy, but he's not good for you. One of you has to be strong enough to say no more, and if it can't be him, all the more reason it needs to be you.

My relationship and struggles with this fella taught me that I need a husband who is strong enough to stand up to me, because he wasn't, and it led to my deepest regrets. Which is why I say, "If he's not man enough to ask me out, he's not man enough to marry me." 

Edited to add:

If you're struggling to attend church because it reminds you of him, that's ok. As long as you're still keeping the habit of going. Start with focusing on Christ during the sacrament. Keep the hymnal open in your lap and read through the hymn as its being passed. In Relief Society, try to think about how the message can help those you visit teach (if you aren't a visiting teacher, I suggest requesting your Relief Society President to assign you a route) especially if they aren't there that day. Also, do more family history work. Connect with your ancestors on the other side of the veil and ask for their help in redirecting your focus.

Edited August 21, 2017 by seashmore

[Jane_Doe]

On 8/19/2017 at 0:11 AM, Mormonjennymissouri said:

I know, it's easy to say 'get over it' and it's the advice I'd give others too.  So no offense taken.  This just feels a bit different than a fling.  I was feeling like I was in such a slump, which is why I reached out on here. 

And Suzie is right, I need to just cut him out of my life.  We're still connected on all social media and he still calls me and sends me stuff to read, which seems nice, but it's not allowing me to heal.  Maybe he was only meant to be in my life to introduce me to the church.  I need to make new friends in my ward.

*Hugs*

You're doing great.  I know it's hard and painful, but you're doing the right thing.  Remember, we are all here for you if you need to talk.  We = members of this forum, members of your ward, and of course Christ. 

[Sunday21]

@Mormonjennymissouri Agree with @Jane_Doe Further hugs! Things will get better. 

Hope you make some good friends in your ward! Maybe find the Young Woman's rep and find out about some activities? Ask ward clerk to show you how to contact stake young women's rep? Go to some stake activities? Hang in there!

[Dillon]

I wasnt trying to be mean with my comment, I do feel ya pain, we have all been there.   That advice I gave is what my females friends used to say to me. They would tell me to toughen up get over it! Its funny my guy friends would usually be more sympathetic but the females would be more blunt and insinuate that I was being a wuss. Go figure.

[Guest MormonGator]

58 minutes ago, Dillon said:

 They would tell me to toughen up get over it! Its funny my guy friends would usually be more sympathetic but the females would be more blunt and insinuate that I was being a wuss.

Been in the same situation before. My female friends would tell me to "be a man" (a huge pet peeve of mine. Attempting to insult my masculinity will get you no where) while my male friends would be much, much more sympathetic. 

[Latter-Day Marriage]

8 hours ago, MormonGator said:

Been in the same situation before. My female friends would tell me to "be a man" (a huge pet peeve of mine. Attempting to insult my masculinity will get you no where) while my male friends would be much, much more sympathetic. 

I think men are prone to throw their whole heart into relationship and women are more cautious, so breakups are often harder on guys, the good guys anyway.

[Guest MormonGator]

43 minutes ago, Latter-Day Marriage said:

I think men are prone to throw their whole heart into relationship and women are more cautious, so breakups are often harder on guys, the good guys anyway.

From my own experience, I think women hurt more in the spur of the moment. During the last fight that leads to the break up or at that moment of realization that it is truly over. For men, it's several weeks down the road when the hurt sets in. 
 

@Sunday21 @zil @Backroads@LiterateParakeet @Maureen @a mustard seed @Jane_Doewhat do you think? 

Edited August 24, 2017 by MormonGator

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

19 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

From my own experience, I think women hurt more in the spur of the moment. During the last fight that leads to the break up or at that moment of realization that it is truly over. For men, it's several weeks down the road when the hurt sets in. 
 

@Sunday21 @zil @Backroads@LiterateParakeet @Maureen @a mustard seed what do you think? 

I'm with you Gator.  I think it is hard on both, but they express it differently.  For example, my friend, a therapist says that when someone loses a spouse:  "Women grieve and men replace."  In my experience, this is true.  I don't think the men don't hurt they just deal with the pain by getting re-married.  Break-ups seem to work this way too, in my experience.  

[Guest MormonGator]

19 minutes ago, LiterateParakeet said:

I'm with you Gator.  I think it is hard on both, but they express it differently.  For example, my friend, a therapist says that when someone loses a spouse:  "Women grieve and men replace."  In my experience, this is true.  I don't think the men don't hurt they just deal with the pain by getting re-married.  Break-ups seem to work this way too, in my experience.  

Sounds right. From my own personal experience judging from the three really bad breaks ups I've had the initial feeling is liberation and freedom than two weeks later you are hit with the sad truth that it's really over.

[zil]

55 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

From my own experience, I think women hurt more in the spur of the moment. During the last fight that leads to the break up or at that moment of realization that it is truly over. For men, it's several weeks down the road when the hurt sets in. 
 

@Sunday21 @zil @Backroads@LiterateParakeet @Maureen @a mustard seed what do you think? 

No clue.

[Sunday21]

@MormonGator, @LiterateParakeet @Latter-Day Marriage 

Psychology Today agrees with you! https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201611/do-men-really-get-over-breakups-faster-women

Maybe a breakup is a bit easier for lds men than nonlds men because they have a social network and a health code? but yes, it hurts for everyone!

Edited August 24, 2017 by Sunday21

[Latter-Day Marriage]

13 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

@MormonGator, @LiterateParakeet @Latter-Day Marriage 

Psychology Today agrees with you! https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201611/do-men-really-get-over-breakups-faster-women

Maybe a breakup is a bit easier for lds men than nonlds men because they have a social network and a health code? but yes, it hurts for everyone!

I expect it is easier when it was not a sexual relationship as well.

[Sunday21]

Just now, Latter-Day Marriage said:

I expect it is easier when it was not a sexual relationship as well.

Totally agree. Very insightful on your part.

[Dillon]

Women can rebound quicker,  there is always a single guy to be set up with.  Every girl that broke my heart had a new man the day after the breakup.

[Guest MormonGator]

16 minutes ago, Dillon said:

Women can rebound quicker,  there is always a single guy to be set up with.  Every girl that broke my heart had a new man the day after the breakup.

Sorry to hear that. One thing I noticed though (and this took me way too long to figure out)  is that you are the only constant in your failed relationships. One break up of a long term relationship: okay, bad luck/bad timing. Four break ups of long term relationships: you are the problem. It took me years to understand this, but it's a hard life truth. 

[Dillon]

Yeh I am not perfect i will admit. Todays women just want to control too much,  I dont like that.

[Guest MormonGator]

44 minutes ago, Dillon said:

Yeh I am not perfect i will admit. Todays women just want to control too much,  I dont like that.

@Dillon-I apologize to you. Reading back my post it seemed way too preachy and finger wagging. I'm sorry. Seriously bud, I hope things work out for you and I'm confident they will. 

[Dillon]

On 8/24/2017 at 4:42 PM, MormonGator said:

@Dillon-I apologize to you. Reading back my post it seemed way too preachy and finger wagging. I'm sorry. Seriously bud, I hope things work out for you and I'm confident they will. 

No need to apologize,  I am not thin skinned, I take criticism, advice, a pat on the back all the same.  You are pretty much right,  I mean other than a few relationships I know I was the problem in most.  I have a hard time getting close to people on account of a tragic event I experienced earlier in life. I am working on it.  I have pushed away some good women and only have myself to blame.