The Folk Prophet Posted October 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2017 It is very plain to me that some people interpret the ideas differently than others. In fact, the way I stumbled across the idea was in a Facebook video where a parent (claiming the rules of "gentle parenting") decided to experiment for a week by only saying yes to their children. Literally, she made whatever they wanted for dinner, took them wherever they wanted to go, and took them there using whatever transportation means they asked (which amounted to walking instead of driving). This is part of why my initial reaction to "gentle parenting" was eye-rolling. As I actually read up on it, however, it became pretty clear that the person who made the video probably did not really understand the principles. What kind of ridiculous method would allow children to determine something like the means of transportation to the store? "The four-year-old wants to go by dog sled? Well...I have to say yes...so...I guess dog sled it is." Backroads 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted October 8, 2017 Report Share Posted October 8, 2017 I thought the Yes Day sounded rather fun... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted October 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2017 1 minute ago, Backroads said: I thought the Yes Day sounded rather fun... I agree. It could be fun. I just don't think it's proper application of "gentle parenting". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted October 8, 2017 Report Share Posted October 8, 2017 8 minutes ago, Backroads said: I thought the Yes Day sounded rather fun... I think it could be fun too, but as entertainment not a parenting style. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted October 8, 2017 Report Share Posted October 8, 2017 18 minutes ago, LiterateParakeet said: I think it could be fun too, but as entertainment not a parenting style. No argument there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anatess2 Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 (edited) I didn't read the comments, just the OP and the links. Sounds like they're trying to do something trendy. Parenting has been done successfully since Adam and Eve. There's no need to be trendy. There's a need to keep intact families that span generation after generation after generation that build traditions providing all the empathy, understanding, whatever else it is the author is saying. Every person have their own strengths and weaknesses and personalities. Some people are pre-disposed for authority, other people are pre-disposed for compassion other people are pre-disposed for other things. Age and maturity also affects how people approach certain situations. You can lecture a father to be more empathic and understanding all day long it's not going to matter much when he is pre-disposed to authoritarian strictness. You can lecture a mother to be more authoritarian all day long it's not going to matter much when she's pre-disposed to compassion. All those would be almost impossible coming from just one person or even just 2 parents. All those come from A CLAN. The Father can then concentrate on being the authoritative disciplinarian, the mother provides the empathy and understanding, the grandparents provide playful discipline, the siblings and cousins provide solace and competition, etc, etc. All in all, the children grow up learning how all of these different people with different strengths and weaknesses interact to uphold the same family values. In this universe, the children never become the center of attention where everybody has to rotate around. Rather, they grow up just being another cog in the great wheel of family just getting swept up into the swing of things with everybody doing things according to their individual strengths and weaknesses and personalities trying to accomplish the exact same goal. This kind of universe can absorb the failings of individual parents giving the children other people that influence their lives. I mean yeah, it's well and good to give kids choices - this or that. That's not always a good thing. A child first has to learn obedience and faith in his parents so that when a parent says, "This family brushes their teeth first before they put on their pajamas", the kid knows to have faith in that tradition that has proved successful for generations preventing going to bed with wet pajamas. Edited October 9, 2017 by anatess2 Grunt and Backroads 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Traveler Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 (edited) 10 hours ago, LiterateParakeet said: I'm surprised by that. My kids are mostly grown now (my youngest is 11). Whenever our family went to a restaurant, my husband and I joked that we couldn't leave until someone came and complimented us on our children...and they almost always did. Yes, I am bragging a little bit, forgive me, but it was really flattering. It appears to me that parents that teach by example are the most successful. Some people read something and make up what they want to believe. I believe that example is more important in raising children than any other single factor. Parents that are not a consistant example of behavior for children - I believe are the most likely to create confusion and chaios. I would add it is not just the example they show in how they treat their children but how they treat their parents, their neighbors, their inlaws and even their enemies. The Traveler Edited October 9, 2017 by Traveler The Folk Prophet and Backroads 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 1 hour ago, Traveler said: It appears to me that parents that teach by example are the most successful. Some people read something and make up what they want to believe. I believe that example is more important in raising children than any other single factor. Parents that are not a consistant example of behavior for children - I believe are the most likely to create confusion and chaios. I would add it is not just the example they show in how they treat their children but how they treat their parents, their neighbors, their inlaws and even their enemies. Yes, I agree. That's why the Gentle Parenting is so great. Leading/teaching by example is a large part of my parenting philosophy. For example, I taught my children to say "please and thank you" for the most part, by saying, "please and thank you," to them. I taught them respect, but treating them with respect. For example, the one time that my sons (two of my four sons) mouthed off to me, I gave him a death glare to make Darth Vader jealous, and said in a calm, controlled tone, "I don't treat you like that, you will not treat me like that." I also took away their screens for a day to give them time to ponder that. They didn't make that mistake again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 7 hours ago, anatess2 said: Parenting has been done successfully since Adam and Eve. Has it though? I mean I'm sure there are a lot of great parents out there, but some of us didn't have that privilege. For me, a turning point was when my Seminary teacher said to our class, "You will become the same kind of parent that your parents are unless you consciously do something to change it." That scared me to death. My parents were abusive at the worst and neglectful at best. I didn't want to perpetuate that behavior. So I had to "teach" myself how to be a parent. I did it by watching other families (perhaps that is what you were referring too?) seeing what I liked, and what I did not like...and pondering how Heavenly Father parents us. The result I came up with is very much like the Gentle Parenting described, though I didn't use that name because it wasn't around (to my knowledge) when my kids were young. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted October 9, 2017 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 8 hours ago, anatess2 said: You can lecture a father to be more empathic and understanding all day long it's not going to matter much when he is pre-disposed to authoritarian strictness. Ah yes. I am who I am. There's nothing I can do about it. So why even try? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted October 9, 2017 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 1 hour ago, LiterateParakeet said: Yes, I agree. That's why the Gentle Parenting is so great. Leading/teaching by example is a large part of my parenting philosophy. For example, I taught my children to say "please and thank you" for the most part, by saying, "please and thank you," to them. I taught them respect, but treating them with respect. For example, the one time that my sons (two of my four sons) mouthed off to me, I gave him a death glare to make Darth Vader jealous, and said in a calm, controlled tone, "I don't treat you like that, you will not treat me like that." I also took away their screens for a day to give them time to ponder that. They didn't make that mistake again. I'm still pondering this, but: apparently according tot he Gentle Parenting theory, the taking away the screens idea is less than ideal because it teaches motivation based on extrinsic things. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that yet or how to specifically apply discipline without punishment, but since I'd just been reading on the matter and saw your reply I thought I'd throw it out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 (edited) 5 minutes ago, The Folk Prophet said: I'm still pondering this, but: apparently according tot he Gentle Parenting theory, the taking away the screens idea is less than ideal because it teaches motivation based on extrinsic things. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that yet or how to specifically apply discipline without punishment, but since I'd just been reading on the matter and saw your reply I thought I'd throw it out there. That's fair. In some ways my ideas are different, but similar enough that i like this idea. Edited October 9, 2017 by LiterateParakeet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grunt Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 1 hour ago, LiterateParakeet said: Has it though? I mean I'm sure there are a lot of great parents out there, but some of us didn't have that privilege. For me, a turning point was when my Seminary teacher said to our class, "You will become the same kind of parent that your parents are unless you consciously do something to change it." That scared me to death. My parents were abusive at the worst and neglectful at best. I didn't want to perpetuate that behavior. So I had to "teach" myself how to be a parent. I did it by watching other families (perhaps that is what you were referring too?) seeing what I liked, and what I did not like...and pondering how Heavenly Father parents us. The result I came up with is very much like the Gentle Parenting described, though I didn't use that name because it wasn't around (to my knowledge) when my kids were young. It absolutely has. Additionally, the people haven't been successful likely aren't the type of people to read something like this to learn HOW to be successful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grunt Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 7 minutes ago, The Folk Prophet said: I'm still pondering this, but: apparently according tot he Gentle Parenting theory, the taking away the screens idea is less than ideal because it teaches motivation based on extrinsic things. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that yet or how to specifically apply discipline without punishment, but since I'd just been reading on the matter and saw your reply I thought I'd throw it out there. Out of curiosity, how old are your children? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted October 9, 2017 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 The biggest thing I haven't connected yet with in my somewhat limited study of the matter is the idea of not having structured rules. I believe in rules. I'm not entirely sure, however, if the anecdotal rule-less ideas I've read about are a real principle of gentle parenting or if it's just the application a specific blog writer has developed. I suspect the latter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 Just now, Grunt said: It absolutely has. Additionally, the people haven't been successful likely aren't the type of people to read something like this to learn HOW to be successful. I don't know...I'm one of those people that would have read it had it been around when I started my parenting journey. Given that parenting is one of the most important things we do in our lives, it is a wonder that there isn't more training, or people wanting more ideas. You know? Perhaps one approach won't work for every family, but learning about the possibilities . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grunt Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 Just now, LiterateParakeet said: I don't know...I'm one of those people that would have read it had it been around when I started my parenting journey. Given that parenting is one of the most important things we do in our lives, it is a wonder that there isn't more training, or people wanting more ideas. You know? Perhaps one approach won't work for every family, but learning about the possibilities . . . That's what I mean. YOU would have read about it because you care about giving your children the best education you can for the betterment of them and the world. I read more books than I care to remember when we decided to become parents. The resources are out there. What I was trying to say is as a society we've done a fairly good job raising our children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 1 minute ago, The Folk Prophet said: The biggest thing I haven't connected yet with in my somewhat limited study of the matter is the idea of not having structured rules. I believe in rules. I'm not entirely sure, however, if the anecdotal rule-less ideas I've read about are a real principle of gentle parenting or if it's just the application a specific blog writer has developed. I suspect the latter. I believe in rules also. My main philosophy is to try and parent like Heavenly Father...He gives us commandments. At the same time there are ways to make your rules as few, and as instructional as possible. For example, one of my favorites was: Proper Use. I explained to my children that when we use things in a way they were not intended to be used things can get broken and people can get hurt. This rule is so simple, but it has many potential applications....don't jump on the bed, don't climb on the table, don't hit the dog with the wooden spoon.;...etc, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 BTW, what are you guys doing up so early? Nevermind...must be a time zone thing. It's 4 am here...but I'm at work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grunt Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 3 minutes ago, LiterateParakeet said: I believe in rules also. My main philosophy is to try and parent like Heavenly Father...He gives us commandments. At the same time there are ways to make your rules as few, and as instructional as possible. For example, one of my favorites was: Proper Use. I explained to my children that when we use things in a way they were not intended to be used things can get broken and people can get hurt. This rule is so simple, but it has many potential applications....don't jump on the bed, don't climb on the table, don't hit the dog with the wooden spoon.;...etc, etc. We do the same thing with some areas. Some of our rules are conceptual. Children are expected to behave a certain way. That isn't clearly defined for every example, but they know the concept. In some areas, we have straight rules. Your shoes come off when you enter the house. Your school shoes are not your barn shoes. If an adult asks you to do something, the correct response is "yes sir/ma'am". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grunt Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 4 minutes ago, LiterateParakeet said: BTW, what are you guys doing up so early? Nevermind...must be a time zone thing. It's 4 am here...but I'm at work. I'm off today because of Columbus Day, but I typically am up by 0500 every morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted October 9, 2017 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 16 minutes ago, LiterateParakeet said: BTW, what are you guys doing up so early? Nevermind...must be a time zone thing. It's 4 am here...but I'm at work. I'm always up this early. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted October 9, 2017 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 20 minutes ago, Grunt said: What I was trying to say is as a society we've done a fairly good job raising our children. Yep. No problems out there with drugs, homosexuality, suicide, murder, pregnancy out of wedlock, abandonment of religion, entitlement, etc., etc. We've done an awesome job! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grunt Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 5 minutes ago, The Folk Prophet said: Yep. No problems out there with drugs, homosexuality, suicide, murder, pregnancy out of wedlock, abandonment of religion, entitlement, etc., etc. We've done an awesome job! Those are cultural and moral issues that won't be corrected by "gentle parenting". Backroads 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted October 9, 2017 Report Share Posted October 9, 2017 2 hours ago, LiterateParakeet said: Has it though? I mean I'm sure there are a lot of great parents out there, but some of us didn't have that privilege. For me, a turning point was when my Seminary teacher said to our class, "You will become the same kind of parent that your parents are unless you consciously do something to change it." That scared me to death. My parents were abusive at the worst and neglectful at best. I didn't want to perpetuate that behavior. So I had to "teach" myself how to be a parent. I did it by watching other families (perhaps that is what you were referring too?) seeing what I liked, and what I did not like...and pondering how Heavenly Father parents us. The result I came up with is very much like the Gentle Parenting described, though I didn't use that name because it wasn't around (to my knowledge) when my kids were young. This response seems to suggest anyone who didn't have Gentle Parenting just happened to luck out. There are some very kind and loving authoritarian parents out there with great kids. Grunt 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.