Mormon families with one child


RLJLAL
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I'm looking for experiences of active Mormon families who only have one child.  Specifically, families who came to the guided decision that one child was simply what was best for their family. If the decision to have one child was made for you (health, infertility, etc...) I would still love to hear what it has been like being a 3-person family.  Because of my family situation, I've begun to think that our one child may be our only child, but I've really wanted to hear what other's experiences have been like within the Mormon community to help guide my decision. When I've tried to look up information online, I've only been led to anti-Mormon forums and blogs. So hopefully I can get some help here.  Some questions I'd love to have answered...  What helped you know that one child was what was right for your family? What have you done to raise your child in a way so they don't miss out on some of the perks of having a larger family? What has been great about it? What has been hard? Once you made the decision, what helped you to not second-guess yourself? Have you still felt accepted by the Mormon community?

Thank you!

 

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I only have one daughter due to fertility issues (and it took five years and much prayer to have her).  We are currently getting serious about adopting more.  I have never felt not accepted, even before I had my daughter - I don't think anyone at church really cares.  It has been a little hard emotionally to only have one daughter, though, especially as my daughter has started to grow up - I love children and would love to have more.

Edited by DoctorLemon
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My husband and I have 1 daughter, and now after years of trying for a second.... I'm starting to feel that maybe that's what Christ wants for our family and no more.  It's been a bit of a ... struggle for me.  I grew up in a big family and love my siblings and the times we had/have together.  I struggle getting my daughter out into social situations, and do feel like she would benefit in having a playmate permanently at home.  And that it would be good for her learning to share and work with people.  So for me... learning to say "Lord, thy will be done" is be very much a process.  I am making some progress on it though.

To directly answer some of your questions:

4 hours ago, RLJLAL said:

 What helped you know that one child was what was right for your family?

Honestly, I feel like this question doesn't apply to just families that have 1 child, but to any family where the parents have prayed to know when be done.

 What have you done to raise your child in a way so they don't miss out on some of the perks of having a larger family?

Get socialization- LOTS of it.  Don't spoil, don't helicopter.

 What has been great about it?

She's the joy of my life! 

 Have you still felt accepted by the Mormon community?

Totally, one million percent. 

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On 2/11/2018 at 10:39 AM, RLJLAL said:

I'm looking for experiences of active Mormon families who only have one child.  Specifically, families who came to the guided decision that one child was simply what was best for their family. If the decision to have one child was made for you (health, infertility, etc...) I would still love to hear what it has been like being a 3-person family.  Because of my family situation, I've begun to think that our one child may be our only child, but I've really wanted to hear what other's experiences have been like within the Mormon community to help guide my decision. When I've tried to look up information online, I've only been led to anti-Mormon forums and blogs. So hopefully I can get some help here.  Some questions I'd love to have answered...  What helped you know that one child was what was right for your family? What have you done to raise your child in a way so they don't miss out on some of the perks of having a larger family? What has been great about it? What has been hard? Once you made the decision, what helped you to not second-guess yourself? Have you still felt accepted by the Mormon community?

Thank you!

 

I almost died with my first child.  I wasn't supposed to have another one but I was impressed not to go through the tubal ligation.  My husband didn't want another child because he thought I would die if I did.  But, we ended up with another one - I almost died again and this time I agreed with my husband.  No more.  So I'm not in your similar situation as now I have 2 kids.

But, whether we had 2 kids or 1 it wouldn't have made much of a difference.  I come from a big family - my dad has 8 siblings!  And I and my cousins are very close.  My mom and dad and their cousins are also very close so I am also close to my 2nd cousins and even 3rd cousins.  My kids travel up and down the Eastern seaboard every year to visit their cousins... all of them are my kids cousins' at least 3 times removed.  They have first cousins in the Philippines that come to Florida or they go to visit them in the Philippines.  And in-between, they text, or talk through some online game they like playing.  They have their own clan in one of those clan games on their phones wherein all the clan members are clan members in real life!

In any case, your decision to have a child is a decision for you and your spouse and God alone.  Mormons are used to having big families so small families sometimes gets a lot of the "When are you having another kid?" or "Why do you only have 1 kid?" kind of questions.  They mean well.  They are not judging you for having only one child and if they are then they're the ones in the wrong, not you, so they would need your forgiveness.  You can just reply with, "This is our family... just the 3 of us" and that would be enough.  Have patience and forgive.  Words to live by.  Works on every sticky situation of any kind. 

 

Edited by anatess2
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  • 3 weeks later...
On 11/02/2018 at 3:39 PM, RLJLAL said:

I'm looking for experiences of active Mormon families who only have one child.  Specifically, families who came to the guided decision that one child was simply what was best for their family. If the decision to have one child was made for you (health, infertility, etc...) I would still love to hear what it has been like being a 3-person family.  Because of my family situation, I've begun to think that our one child may be our only child, but I've really wanted to hear what other's experiences have been like within the Mormon community to help guide my decision. When I've tried to look up information online, I've only been led to anti-Mormon forums and blogs. So hopefully I can get some help here.  Some questions I'd love to have answered...  What helped you know that one child was what was right for your family? What have you done to raise your child in a way so they don't miss out on some of the perks of having a larger family? What has been great about it? What has been hard? Once you made the decision, what helped you to not second-guess yourself? Have you still felt accepted by the Mormon community?

Thank you!

 

Hi, 

 

I am technically not an only child and I don't have any children with my wife yet because we are still young. However, I only have one older brother who was 11 years older than me so from the age of 7 I basically grew up as an only child. I had a great childhood though, I got to be very close with my parents and I always had my cousins to play with. My parents let me have my friends come over more than people I know who had a lot of siblings, so I was never lonely at home. Besides learning how to occupy yourself is an important skill. The biggest benefit I had from growing up with just my parents for 11 years was that they gave me most of their attention, where as my wife grew up with 6 siblings and she told me she had a lot problems with trying to compete for her parents attention. The hardest thing is probably now that my brother passed away 8 years ago is that I have to care for my parents without any support, like I can't alternate weekends with a sibling I have to see them all time (I love them but I have a wife and a busy life so not always ideal). I always felt accepted even though some people seemed bemused that I had only one sibling who was 11 years older than me. I am sure my parents did too (they wouldn't have told me if they didn't). 

 

Side note: my wife and I have decided to have maximum 3 kids as she didn't enjoy growing up in a big family and I loved growing up in a small one. 

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