My Bishop took my temple recommend away unfairly. How can I contest his decision?

[Grunt]

35 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

That's a great point @prisonchaplain. I'm sure @Grunt has had to deal with this before! 

It's absolutely true, and it seems the OP is following the correct steps.  He has plenty of time to get his recommend reinstated.  This is just a blip on the radar of eternity.  Maybe it isn't even about the Bishop.  Perhaps the OP has something he needs to learn as well.  Not knowing either party, I can't add anything intelligent to the discussion.  Then again, it's never stopped me before.

[Anddenex]

@JayKi

Welcome to the forum and will provide other possible thoughts for you:

1) Missing three weeks of church (especially if work inhibited attendance), and texts wouldn't be something a temple recommend would be taken away (depending on the type of text people are sending (i.e. sexting).

2) Was the recommend taken away of the person you were texting?

3) Any leader can be overzealous, which is why there are methods in order to take to confirm or verify for any grievance. Speaking with your stake president would be a good avenue, and I would recommend speaking to him without anger, frustration, but sincerely and humbly seeking answers. The stake president will review everything the bishop has done, and will either confirm or retract what the bishop has done. A bishop, not being perfect, could act out of spite, or lack of knowledge. We had a particular experience in our ward where the bishop was acting according to his best knowledge regarding circumstances. The individual spoke with the stake president, who spoke with the bishop, and certain aspects that were prohibited were now open to act. This wasn't something against the bishop, he was acting according to knowledge of circumstances provided. More information was given the stake president that the bishop was not informed of. The stake president who holds keys over the bishop will have the final word/say in this matter upon your conversation with him, and his conversation with the bishop. If overturned, I would recommend that you don't put anything in the face of the bishop.

In light of #1 and depending on answer (you don't have to reply or answer this on here) for #2, I would say there is more to the story than we are being told.  If missing Church for a specific period of time resulted in our temple recommends being taken away we would have a lot of people in the church without a recommend.

A type of texting could easily have your temple recommend taken away, but it should be both ways unless only one party is sending inappropriate texts.

I wish you the best. Just don't let this harm your testimony. The Church is still true, despite experiences in the gospel that may be adverse.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, JayKi said:

 I am a very handsome and cool young man.

2 hours ago, Vort said:

Very much like me. Except for the "handsome", "cool", and "young" parts.

Me too, except for the "man" part.  Wait...

[Guest MormonGator]

4 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

Me too, except for the "man" part.  Wait...

Those hormone pills are working, I assume? 

[jewels8]

Goodness!  I feel for you!  Sounds like you really have been given an unjust turn.  It reminds me of a situation many years ago my husband and I encountered regarding something entirely different, but the same kind of idea.  It had to do with "raising children"   Suffice it to say, someone was making a "mountain out of a molehile", so to speak, and we had to deal with it, even though we shouldn't have had to , at least not the the extent the other person was trying to make it out to be, but we found, that even though we knew we weren't in the wrong, and even though it took considerable more time and patience on our part then we really wanted to give, we had to be willing to show that patient, humble side of ourselves.  Even if you know what to do, sometimes you have to act or become more humble or like you don't know anything, I guess, but anyways, I feel for you.  Maybe if the lady texts again, just ignore the texts, so there isn't any misunderstandings, you probably don't even need to be told that.  And of course, you would rather be at church, and if you could instead of work, and still provide , you willl.  Maybe pray about finding some peace through this, even though the situation at home with your bishop/uncle is strained.  Totally unfair for him to do that, but sooner or later, if not already, the still small voice has let him know or will let him know that what he did was wrong.  Trying to be kind or stay out of his way, if your hurt, may help for now.  Pray for strength to get through this trial.  Pray that the Stake Pres will understand.  You can help the Stake Pres understand the situation.  Just try , of course, to not share anything that may come across as petty.  Let him know that you honor bishops, in general, the priesthood, that you have a testimony.  That you have a desire to be at church.  You may want to share any ideas or times you do go to church or sacrifice to be at church, vs when you had to work those 3 weeks.  You can share your concern that you hadn't expected , if this is the case, this woman to text you, and you were just being polite to answer, that you have no intention of answering anymore of her texts and that you are sorry it brought concern to her spouse and that your afraid her spouse may have thought it was more than it was and you meant nothing by it.  You can share that , if there are any examples how you have been fair to sustain your bishop, how you have, but that he is your uncle and share those concerns you have and that your afraid that may have led to him taking your recommend away , even though , you could tell him, under normal circumstances, he probably woudn't do that.  You might want to , in order to show you are really fair, say, you may not know his real reason, but you do live with him, and just see that he may have a , I don't know if bias is the right word, but it may be harder for him to be fair with then with someone else, but that you think probably with others, it wouldn't be a problem , if they came in for a similiar situation.  Tell him, your not trying to undermine his inspiration or counsel of the Lord, but that you just feel you are innocent, if this is the case, and can't see the need for the removal of your recommend.  That you are supposed to be getting married and you may want to tell him how you have been keeping yourself worthy of this blessing, even long before these things happened.  Just go in prayerfully and fasting, if you don't have a medical condition or reason that prevents you from doing so, and you are likely to get a much fairer reception.  He may need to look into the matter, but at least you will be showing him that you truly are worthy and he can see that the bishop, not you, is in error.  Then you keep praying, until he resolves it, and either right then or as soon as possible, your reccommend will be restored and you and your sweetheart will be sealed in the temple for time and all eternity.  

[askandanswer]

@JayKi I suggest that one of the things that should be high on your priority list is learning what it is that others might consider to be flirtatious, whether it is text, talk or actions. It seems as if you might have some learning to do in this area. 

[Guest MormonGator]

Just now, askandanswer said:

@JayKi I suggest that one of the things that should be high on your priority list is learning what it is that others might consider to be flirtatious, whether it is text, talk or actions. It seems as if you might have some learning to do in this area. 

Great point. 

[lostinwater]

17 minutes ago, jewels8 said:

Goodness!  I feel for you!  Sounds like you really have been given an unjust turn.  It reminds me of a situation many years ago my husband and I encountered regarding something entirely different, but the same kind of idea.  It had to do with "raising children"   Suffice it to say, someone was making a "mountain out of a molehile", so to speak, and we had to deal with it, even though we shouldn't have had to , at least not the the extent the other person was trying to make it out to be, but we found, that even though we knew we weren't in the wrong, and even though it took considerable more time and patience on our part then we really wanted to give, we had to be willing to show that patient, humble side of ourselves.  Even if you know what to do, sometimes you have to act or become more humble or like you don't know anything, I guess, but anyways, I feel for you.  Maybe if the lady texts again, just ignore the texts, so there isn't any misunderstandings, you probably don't even need to be told that.  And of course, you would rather be at church, and if you could instead of work, and still provide , you willl.  Maybe pray about finding some peace through this, even though the situation at home with your bishop/uncle is strained.  Totally unfair for him to do that, but sooner or later, if not already, the still small voice has let him know or will let him know that what he did was wrong.  Trying to be kind or stay out of his way, if your hurt, may help for now.  Pray for strength to get through this trial.  Pray that the Stake Pres will understand.  You can help the Stake Pres understand the situation.  Just try , of course, to not share anything that may come across as petty.  Let him know that you honor bishops, in general, the priesthood, that you have a testimony.  That you have a desire to be at church.  You may want to share any ideas or times you do go to church or sacrifice to be at church, vs when you had to work those 3 weeks.  You can share your concern that you hadn't expected , if this is the case, this woman to text you, and you were just being polite to answer, that you have no intention of answering anymore of her texts and that you are sorry it brought concern to her spouse and that your afraid her spouse may have thought it was more than it was and you meant nothing by it.  You can share that , if there are any examples how you have been fair to sustain your bishop, how you have, but that he is your uncle and share those concerns you have and that your afraid that may have led to him taking your recommend away , even though , you could tell him, under normal circumstances, he probably woudn't do that.  You might want to , in order to show you are really fair, say, you may not know his real reason, but you do live with him, and just see that he may have a , I don't know if bias is the right word, but it may be harder for him to be fair with then with someone else, but that you think probably with others, it wouldn't be a problem , if they came in for a similiar situation.  Tell him, your not trying to undermine his inspiration or counsel of the Lord, but that you just feel you are innocent, if this is the case, and can't see the need for the removal of your recommend.  That you are supposed to be getting married and you may want to tell him how you have been keeping yourself worthy of this blessing, even long before these things happened.  Just go in prayerfully and fasting, if you don't have a medical condition or reason that prevents you from doing so, and you are likely to get a much fairer reception.  He may need to look into the matter, but at least you will be showing him that you truly are worthy and he can see that the bishop, not you, is in error.  Then you keep praying, until he resolves it, and either right then or as soon as possible, your reccommend will be restored and you and your sweetheart will be sealed in the temple for time and all eternity.  

Excellent advice!  

[Sunday21]

@JayKi Goodluck! I know that far from Utah leaders sometimes do not behave as they should. Wishing you the best! 

[Lost Boy]

8 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

@JayKi Goodluck! I know that far from Utah leaders sometimes do not behave as they should. Wishing you the best! 

I don't think distance from Utah has anything to do with it. 

[Sunday21]

53 minutes ago, Lost Boy said:

I don't think distance from Utah has anything to do with it. 

The mountains are high and the emperor is far away - Old Chinese saying found posted in remote outposts of Canadian civil service

[JayKi]

11 hours ago, askandanswer said:

@JayKi I suggest that one of the things that should be high on your priority list is learning what it is that others might consider to be flirtatious, whether it is text, talk or actions. It seems as if you might have some learning to do in this area. 

I think it was a cultural misunderstanding, where I am from in Costa Rica what I sent is just a compliment you would say to any female even your mother or grandmother. In England I think it has a different meaning.  

 

[JayKi]

11 hours ago, Anddenex said:

2) Was the recommend taken away of the person you were texting?

 

No she still has hers. 

 

12 hours ago, Anddenex said:

1) Missing three weeks of church (especially if work inhibited attendance), and texts wouldn't be something a temple recommend would be taken away (depending on the type of text people are sending (i.e. sexting).

 

and I sent her only a compliment to cheer her up, it is something I would send to my mother if she was sad. 

[JayKi]

13 hours ago, prisonchaplain said:

Lots of questions: Does the bishop oppose the upcoming marriage? Does he perhaps believe that OP is not yet mature enough? Is he truly a bitter, jealous, spiritual leader, determined to be anti-JayKi?

He thinks I am a little immature because he says my approach to life is too relaxed. It is possible he isn't anti-me but he thinks he is doing what is best for me, but I don't agree with him. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, JayKi said:

He thinks I am a little immature because he says my approach to life is too relaxed. It is possible he isn't anti-me but he thinks he is doing what is best for me, but I don't agree with him. 

Since you're asking for advice, you might want to take a good look at what you just wrote here.

And BTW, what did you text to her?

Exact words.

Edited April 24, 2018 by Guest

[Guest MormonGator]

6 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

Since you're asking for advice, you might want to take a good look at what you just wrote here.

And BTW, what did you text to her?

Exact words.

I haven't seen the words yet either, but one thing I've noticed about some LDS (Key word, some) is they have a very hard time understanding that a male and female can be friends. I could text my female friend "Happy Birthday!" and some (again, some) LDS would automatically think that's wrong, flirtatious or inappropriate. So he might have a point with this one about the congregation/bishop being a bit over sensitive. 

[prisonchaplain]

1 hour ago, JayKi said:

He thinks I am a little immature because he says my approach to life is too relaxed.

Have you considered chaplaincy?  I'm joking, but maintaining cool is a powerful, good trait.  In all the advice you are getting about being humble and respectful to authority, despite disagreeing, DO NOT lose your relaxed approach to life. It goes so much better when we can maintain calm. I would almost argue that "being relaxed" is a sign of inner peace. So, listen and learn, but keep being yourself. So long as you and the girl love each other, and you know your manner and intentions are honorable, the rest will pass. It's frustrating and irritating, but the Father is looking out for you.

[NeuroTypical]

So, my wife recently expressed a little discomfort at my online interactions with females.  I respected her discomfort, re-offered 100% transparency, and unfriended over 40 Facebook/Instagram women.  Got better things to do online than make my wife uncomfortable.  

I made a transparent point that I was going to keep friending the lady named "valuciouslips".  She's my aunt Valerie.  She's in her '70's.  She's a hoot.  Did I mention the word 'transparent' enough here?  Knowing the story behind that name, my wife is fine with it.  If she just discovered one day me texting someone with that name, well, here - let me say the word again: "transparency".

[Guest]

47 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

I haven't seen the words yet either, but one thing I've noticed about some LDS (Key word, some) is they have a very hard time understanding that a male and female can be friends. I could text my female friend "Happy Birthday!" and some (again, some) LDS would automatically think that's wrong, flirtatious or inappropriate. So he might have a point with this one about the congregation/bishop being a bit over sensitive. 

That and a possible cultural misunderstanding could have compounded matters.  But let's see what he actually said.

If he actually said something like "If you weren't a married woman..." That could easily EASILY be taken in the worst way.  It may have been innocent.  But is it really an appropriate thing to say when the two men don't know each other very well?

Edited April 24, 2018 by Guest

[Sunday21]

@JayKi Hey! I feel for you! Would I be correct in thinking that you live in a city with only one ward? If so, you may be interacting with this bishop in order to get your temple recommend for awhile. So...it might be an idea to treat him gently. I am very polite and respectful to church leaders because...temple recommend!  I don’t know about where you live but here, you cannot get an appointment with the stake president if you are not scheduled for a recommend interview even if you have a stake calling so...you may have to walk gently!

Edited April 24, 2018 by Sunday21

[NeedleinA]

2 hours ago, JayKi said:

 he says my approach to life is too relaxed.

Pura vida life style outside of Costa Rica?
As an American visiting Costa Rica, pura vida was great for a vacation.
As an American who also lived in Costa Rica navigating business dealings and trying to actually live life, pura vida frankly was the worst.

 

[omegaseamaster75]

21 hours ago, JayKi said:

Also, a woman at church who is married was texting me because we are friends and I was only texting her back to be nice but apparently I sent her flirtatious messages (I didn't think they were at the time but I sort of see why they may be interpreted that way now). 

I'll jump in, it's this. You need to grow up a little bit and not text married women. 

Single men can't be friends with married women. You can't text them or go out to lunch or hang at the beach, when you do no matter how innocent it may be this crap happens.  People get the wrong idea, a statement or look or gesture gets misinterpreted and you get your temple recommend taken away.

[JayKi]

1 hour ago, Carborendum said:

And BTW, what did you text to her?

I wanted to cheer her up so I sent her, "It will be okay Princessa, be happy you have a beautiful smile". I only see it can be flirtatious because I may send it to my girlfriend but also to my mother or grandmother or sister.  

[JayKi]

19 minutes ago, NeedleinA said:

Pura vida life style outside of Costa Rica?
As an American visiting Costa Rica, pura vida was great for a vacation.
As an American who also lived in Costa Rica navigating business dealings and trying to actually live life, pura vida frankly was the worst.

We like to live our lives a little slower but we have fun and aren't afraid to enjoy life. 

[JayKi]

16 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

I'll jump in, it's this. You need to grow up a little bit and not text married women. 

Single men can't be friends with married women. You can't text them or go out to lunch or hang at the beach, when you do no matter how innocent it may be this crap happens.  People get the wrong idea, a statement or look or gesture gets misinterpreted and you get your temple recommend taken away.

I can be friends with married women! We get on well and I care about her I shouldn't stop just because she is married. If her husband is insecure about her speaking to male friends then that is his problem for him to work through. Also, I am not single I have a girlfriend and I am getting married soon.