Overwatch

Marriage 101 FOR DUDES. From a totally unqualified man

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1.     Enjoy being young: Before you even get married the very first thing you need to do is a be a kid! Enjoy your youth and make good decisions. Build an excellent work ethic for labor. Work with your hands and work with your mind. Study, study, study. Learn all that you can in all of the subjects available to you at school. This will be essential and may come back to bite you in the butt if you don’t do so. Make sure to go on FUN dates only. No pairing off (waste of feelings and money)

 

2.     Learn to manage money at a young age: Get a job when you are in between school sessions. Save up all your money and pay a FULL tithe. It’s easier if you don’t even consider it part of your check. Think of it as an extension of taxes if it makes it easier to pay automatically. Keep your receipts and make an electronic budget graph with all of your expenses, savings and planned future purchases. Doing this will make budgeting a habit early on and second nature for you.

 

3.     Graduate School and get a diploma or equivalent if you are home schooled. Move on to higher Education and/or prepare to serve a Full Time Mission [If this is your desire] Serving a mission will help you grow quite significantly. Make sure that you have your physical, mental and spiritual fitness in check. You will be worked like you have never been worked before. Keep your expectations realistic, keep your romantic heart locked and your pure heart wide open. Serve and love the people; inviting them to Christ but don’t forget to love yourself. Be prepared BEFORE you leave the mission field to get home with your feet running, get a JOB and go back to school.

 

4. Remember [NO ONE] can tell you what to do specifically with your life BUT we can give you suggestions. Post service mission, take time to shake off your Angel wings. You will be looking at the world with the eyes of a missionary. STOP. BREATHE. Not all women are pure and not everyone wants you to preach to them. You may not land a job right away and you may get wrecked your first semester of College/University (Most likely you won’t because of the good habits you ingrained even deeper during your service) You may feel quite lonely, this is normal. You went from the x games equivalent of a spiritual high to a slight moist eye while listening to a heart felt sermon type of low, still good but can’t compare. Now, For what you came here for.

5.     Once you have prepared yourself, to volunteer for the most madness you will experience in your entire life, you are ready to find a mate!!! (If you are new to the Christian life or were dragging your feet implement steps 1-4 to the best of your ability. [FORGIVE YOURSELF] for any crappiness done in steps 1-4. You will make up for it by being your best in the following steps. DON’T DATE LOSERS is the first step in finding the One. Make sure you find a woman that is your equal or better. One that has a strong work ethic, kept herself pure and has prepared to be a wife. REMEMBER: If you choose to skimp on your requirement standards DO NOT throw it in your mate’s face in the future ex: marrying someone who has a history of morality offenses while you have none and you feel good in heart to look over it CAUTION: You deserve everything you are offering your spouse and don’t forget it. While looking for a mate don’t forget about work and school. Continue improving and growing. Only go on dates with women you could imagine yourself courting. No sense in wasting money or betraying your preferences. DON’T kiss while dating!!!! This will completely destroy your plan and your brain will lose control to passion. Once you have found a nice woman that you would like to court THEN do your smooching. If she agrees to exclusively see YOU move on to step six. If she doesn’t, stop smooching and dump her. Start step five over

6.     THE ONE!!! Or maybe: Once you have found a woman to court DO YOUR homework. Observer how she treats people, how she treats you. Spends money. Look at her favorite place in the house where she spends most of her time. Is it dirty? Your house most likely will be dirty after marriage. Notice consistency in hygiene, does she smell? Breath stink?  Not going to get better after kids. If she has a strong base before marriage and kids she will be able to bounce back easier after the little ones start popping out. Notice her social media use. If she is lost in her blogs and poking everything handsome [ WHILE] you are courting her, make an inquiry as to what motives she has [she may just admire beauty] but most likely she’s just not that into you. If she is serious about you guys, her online habits will reflect her in real life habits as she will be proud to show you off and Tell others “I have a boyfriend” [More on online behavior later]

 

7.     The Ring!!!!  - Once she fits into your desires for a spouse [without you changing her] Ask her for marriage. This may require asking a parent for permission, as a tradition or just asking her straight up. After dating six months to a year it is pretty safe to guess the person is genuine. Most issues in character or other factors will display themselves within this time frame. If She says YES!  Make plans. IF No go back to step 5. Do you really want to beg someone to marry you? Continue going to school and or work. DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT bust your budget for a stupid wedding or RING (I don’t care) Feeding your guests a scrumptious, whatever you can’t afford, is not going to make your marriage successful. VERY IMPORTANT: Make sure, sometime during step 7 in an appropriate manner, that you talk about consummating your marriage E.g. what is acceptable, what is expected from both parties and if both parties actually like the idea of being intimate. You may find that one partner is only slightly interested while the other is raging. This most likely will NOT change after marriage [no matter how holy you think you are, God will not force your other half to magically have your equivalent, marathon runner, drive] Don’t be afraid to bail and go back to step 5 if you aren’t even close to being yoked in this department. Marriage is not a race, marriage is [FOR – EV- ER ER ER ER ER] So take your time and remember to be freaking realistic. No one is perfect but things that annoy you while courting will be magnified 1000-fold after marriage.

   8.  A fter the wedding, pomp and rrrromantic events the war is not over. Get up and do some pushups. Make sure to exercise frequently [Refer to step 3 i.e. maintain physical, mental and spiritual fitness]. Continue your studies and be successful at work. Also have your spouse continue to do the same until little ones come. [None of you won the lottery] (nor ever will bwahaha) Get off your butt and go to work. KEEP YOUR BUDGET. Have a slot for fun money. Where you can buy your comic books, kayaks and figurines [DON’T SPEND MONEY YOU DON’T HAVE]  DATE<>DATE<>DATE. Make sure you love your wife with all of your heart. Go on frequent dates with her during the month and be interested in her goals. Help her achieve her realistic dreams. In return she will love you deeper than anyone you will ever meet and it will prove itself Godlike into the eternities to come but first: Don’t give in to the temptations of the world e.g. porn, jealousy, inappropriate social relationships, unrealistic fantasies and Debt. They will all strangle you and murder your sapling bonds of love [Make sure to have bi-weekly “gear checks” to make sure your fortress is well defended; you are in raging war the moment you step out of the Temple as husband and wife]  And don’t forget it.

9.     Posterity: Once the babies start coming it is okay to be tired. Lol. You will most likely, at some point, become more exhausted than you have ever been. Be a team; watch the kids, help with the house, help with the meals, help with your wife. She will need all the uplifting she can get. Lovingly remind her to wash, brush teeth and get moving [once cleared by physician] Make sure to use plenty of creams to help with stretched skin Pre and post-delivery. REMEMBER: Physical, Spiritual and Mental fitness. Watch for signs of post-partum depression and seek help accordingly if present. Bodies change after pregnancy, even after healing at times. Be flexible and understanding.

 

10.     Wake up early. Do some push-ups and sit-ups. Shower, cleanup your hair and teeth. Look at yourself in the mirror and pat yourself on the back. The greatest things you do in life will have these at the forefront: Loving God, loving yourself, loving your wife and together lovingly raising your children.

 

 

Everyone’s life is different. Adjust where needed and pray to the Lord for personal guidance. He will not let you down.

 

-                                          Love your Brother Overwatch

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Overwatch
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Great list @Overwatch!  I only have 2 things to add:

1.  Learn a trade while you're a teen.  Mechanic, plumber, carpenter, HVAC repair, piano tuner/teacher... these jobs do not need a college degree and there are ALWAYS people needing you regardless of the state of the economy.

2.  Don't be afraid to BE A MAN.  Open the door for your date.  If she doesn't want you to, dump her.  Women who don't allow you to be a man are going to be sucky at being a woman.  In a society of wolves and sheep, the best man is the sheepdog.  Do not be a wolf.  Try not to be a sheep.  Be the sheepdog - the protector of the flock.  That means you need to work on your courage, your physical, mental, and spiritual strength, your ingenuity in times of stress, and your spatial awareness.

 

 

So, I watched Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom today.  Hated it.  There's Owen - the male hero (and, of course, one of the female characters call him "beefcake"... really feminists?  "beefcake"?), Claire - the female hero that vacillates between savior and damsel in distress, then there's Franklin - the soyboy IT guy portrayed as the modern man who requires more saving than Claire as he is completely incapable of saving himself let alone anybody else.   DON'T BE THAT GUY.

Edited by anatess2

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On 6/2/2018 at 12:22 PM, Overwatch said:

7.     The Ring!!!!  - Once she fits into your desires for a spouse [without you changing her] Ask her for marriage. This may require asking a parent for permission, as a tradition or just asking her straight up. After dating six months to a year it is pretty safe to guess the person is genuine. Most issues in character or other factors will display themselves within this time frame. If She says YES!  Make plans. IF No go back to step 5. Do you really want to beg someone to marry you? Continue going to school and or work. DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT bust your budget for a stupid wedding or RING (I don’t care) Feeding your guests a scrumptious, whatever you can’t afford, is not going to make your marriage successful. VERY IMPORTANT: Make sure, sometime during step 7 in an appropriate manner, that you talk about consummating your marriage E.g. what is acceptable, what is expected from both parties and if both parties actually like the idea of being intimate. You may find that one partner is only slightly interested while the other is raging. This most likely will NOT change after marriage [no matter how holy you think you are, God will not force your other half to magically have your equivalent, marathon runner, drive] Don’t be afraid to bail and go back to step 5 if you aren’t even close to being yoked in this department. Marriage is not a race, marriage is [FOR – EV- ER ER ER ER ER] So take your time and remember to be freaking realistic. No one is perfect but things that annoy you while courting will be magnified 1000-fold after marriage.

 

My fiancee told me no first time I ask her to marry me and before that her father told me he wont give permission I asked him every day for maybe 6 weeks just for my fiancee to say no to me. Is worth it if you love a woman to be persistent 

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35 minutes ago, JayKi said:

My fiancee told me no first time I ask her to marry me and before that her father told me he wont give permission I asked him every day for maybe 6 weeks just for my fiancee to say no to me. Is worth it if you love a woman to be persistent 

Big mistake, sorry bro she's just not that into you...

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2 hours ago, JayKi said:

My fiancee told me no first time I ask her to marry me and before that her father told me he wont give permission I asked him every day for maybe 6 weeks just for my fiancee to say no to me. Is worth it if you love a woman to be persistent 

I told my wife that I thought the tradition of asking the father's permission was absolutely ridiculous, and if the father said "no, you can't marry my daughter" I would say to his face, "Too bad" and walk out.

What does a father have to do with who their daughter marries? We have some close friends that love each other so much and the girl's father keeps saying that he can't marry the daughter. After over a year of pestering, they finally decided to ignore the dad and just get married.

Skip the dad bit haha

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1 hour ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Big mistake, sorry bro she's just not that into you...

No she told me no because she only wanted engagement after she did her mission. She did love me

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30 minutes ago, Fether said:

I told my wife that I thought the tradition of asking the father's permission was absolutely ridiculous, and if the father said "no, you can't marry my daughter" I would say to his face, "Too bad" and walk out.

What does a father have to do with who their daughter marries? We have some close friends that love each other so much and the girl's father keeps saying that he can't marry the daughter. After over a year of pestering, they finally decided to ignore the dad and just get married.

Skip the dad bit haha

Is respectful and her father would have kill me and murders in Costa Rica are usually not solve. 

Edited by JayKi

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3 minutes ago, JayKi said:

No she told me no because she only wanted engagement after she did her mission. She did love me

Sounds like a good woman. 

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4 minutes ago, JayKi said:

Is respectful and her father would have kill me and murders in Costa Rica are usually not solve. 

I see haha. My mission president gave me the greatest advice ever.

”When your parents ask ‘when are you getting martied’ Say ‘it is none of your business’. When your parents ask ‘who are you going to marry?’ Say ‘it is none of your business’. When you parents ask ‘when will you have kids?’ Say ‘it is none of your business’. When your parents ask ‘how many kids are you going to have’ Say ‘it is none of your business’”

Once 18 hit, my life was mine. No man was going to keep me from marrying the girl I love in the temple and slowing my progression toward exaltation. But I’m the states, going against the status quo is pretty typical and murders are solved all the time.

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On 6/2/2018 at 12:22 PM, Overwatch said:

VERY IMPORTANT: Make sure, sometime during step 7 in an appropriate manner, that you talk about consummating your marriage E.g. what is acceptable, what is expected from both parties and if both parties actually like the idea of being intimate. You may find that one partner is only slightly interested while the other is raging. This most likely will NOT change after marriage [no matter how holy you think you are, God will not force your other half to magically have your equivalent, marathon runner, drive] Don’t be afraid to bail and go back to step 5 if you aren’t even close to being yoked in this department.

Seriously? If you have found the woman you want to marry and who God wants you to marry, then to bail because she or you are unsure about being sexually compatible is a terrible idea. Sex with your spouse should not be a consideration of whether it is right to marry your fiancee, that is carnal and completely wrong.  

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1 minute ago, Fether said:

I see haha. My mission president gave me the greatest advice ever.

”When your parents ask ‘when are you getting martied’ Say ‘it is none of your business’. When your parents ask ‘who are you going to marry?’ Say ‘it is none of your business’. When you parents ask ‘when will you have kids?’ Say ‘it is none of your business’. When your parents ask ‘how many kids are you going to have’ Say ‘it is none of your business’”

If I say these thing to my mother I will wake up a week later. I ask my mother too because I never marry a woman my mother doesn't get on with. 

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8 minutes ago, JayKi said:

She is best woman after my mother. 

Heads up my wife once asked me if I loved her or my mother more. I told her it was no competition of course I love my mother more. I think I slept on the couch for a couple of weeks. If your wife ever asks you that just lie. 

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Just now, Lee said:

Heads up my wife once asked me if I loved her or my mother more. I told her it was no competition of course I love my mother more. I think I slept on the couch for a couple of weeks. If your wife ever asks you that just lie. 

Haha I will lie too. I thought everyone knew from Psycho that, "all boys love their mothers"

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39 minutes ago, Lee said:

Seriously? If you have found the woman you want to marry and who God wants you to marry, then to bail because she or you are unsure about being sexually compatible is a terrible idea. Sex with your spouse should not be a consideration of whether it is right to marry your fiancee, that is carnal and completely wrong.  

Sigh. So they have been getting on me to answer questions. I honestly just wanted to skip over this one.

okay. So, Lee, why is it that you think that being physically intimately compatible with your spouse/future spouse is not important?

Why is it bad to break up with someone if they tell you upfront that they just aren't into being physically intimate? 

Also, so I can get a better idea of where this idea comes from. See Below:

39 minutes ago, Lee said:

Sex with your spouse should not be a consideration of whether it is right to marry your fiancee, that is carnal and completely wrong.

Are you married?  

Also, are you a man or a woman?

What led you to the conclusion that your statement above is true?

Thanks

*and yes I was being serious when I wrote step 7

Edited by Overwatch
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1 hour ago, Overwatch said:

okay. So, Lee, why is it that you think that being physically intimately compatible with your spouse/future spouse is not important?

 

Of course it is important, but it isn't one of the most important things to consider before marriage.  

 

1 hour ago, Overwatch said:

 Why is it bad to break up with someone if they tell you upfront that they just aren't into being physically intimate? 

 

Because if you love someone then breaking up with them because they tell you they won't be a sex goddess is unacceptable and shows a . 

 

1 hour ago, Overwatch said:

Are you married?  

 

Yes I have been married for 5 years. 

 

1 hour ago, Overwatch said:

 Also, are you a man or a woman?

 

I am male 

 

1 hour ago, Overwatch said:

 What led you to the conclusion that your statement above is true?

 

Love and marriage is about so much more than having sex. Sex is powerful to strengthen the bond between husband and wife, but there are many times when it is not possible to be intimate with your wife or husband. I love my wife so much that if she didn't want to be intimate for a long time then that would be completely fine. Also, as a husband or wife it is your duty to make your partner feel comfortable with sex it isn't natural for everyone. 

Edited by Lee

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Hey, Thanks for the reply. Okay, let's see...

1 hour ago, Lee said:

Of course it is important, but it isn't one of the most important things to consider before marriage

I am glad you agree that it is important. I do not agree with you that it is NOT one of the most important things to consider while courting and after marriage. Why? Being young, vibrant and fertile is one of the most exciting and important parts of life [IMO] Some men and women find themselves in a relationship where their spouse almost NEVER wants to be physically intimate. This can be very detrimental to their mental health, leading to depression, feelings of rejection and not feeling attractive enough. It is a self esteem killer and can lead to resentment and unhappiness.  I think finding out beforehand by being verbally honest can save a lot of heartache and unnecessary suffering.

1 hour ago, Lee said:

Because if you love someone then breaking up with them because they tell you they won't be a sex goddess is unacceptable and shows a .

"Sex Goddess"?  Lol I think it's just about being honest with yourself. If you can handle being turned away (outside of exceptional circumstances like illness, pregnancy, etc.) then that's on you.  If being physically intimate is not one of your top priorities then of course a less active spouse would be fine for you.

1 hour ago, Lee said:

Yes I have been married for 5 years

Grats

1 hour ago, Lee said:

I am male 

Interesting. Usually men I spoken to on this topic are very much for having more than less intimacy time. Still, you have a  right to your preference

1 hour ago, Lee said:

Love and marriage is about so much more than having sex. Sex is powerful to strengthen the bond between husband and wife, but there are many times when it is not possible to be intimate with your wife or husband.

I agree BUT with the exception that being intimate TO ME is HUGE. It is one of the privileges of marriage that I think is a key bonding factor.

 

1 hour ago, Lee said:

I love my wife so much that if she didn't want to be intimate for a long time then that would be completely fine.

That is, again, your preference. To me I love my wife enough to ask [if one day she wants to not be intimate for a long time]  "Why" she doesn't want to be intimate with me and if her reason isn't fair to me then I will try to ask for a middle ground. If I am rejected for a middle ground then I will suggest therapy. If therapy doesn't work then I will go to the Lord and ask for my next course of action. I would not be fine for a random LONG period of time without re-consummating my marital bonds. 

 

1 hour ago, Lee said:

Also, as a husband or wife it is your duty to make your partner feel comfortable with sex it isn't natural for everyone

Goes both ways. compromise is a huge part of marriage.

 

 

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23 minutes ago, Overwatch said:

Being young, vibrant and fertile is one of the most exciting and important parts of life [IMO]

Well there are many other ways to enjoy your youth that do no involve constant sex. 

 

23 minutes ago, Overwatch said:

Some men and women find themselves in a relationship where their spouse almost NEVER wants to be physically intimate. This can be very detrimental to their mental health, leading to depression, feelings of rejection and not feeling attractive enough. It is a self esteem killer and can lead to resentment and unhappiness.  I think finding out beforehand by being verbally honest can save a lot of heartache and unnecessary suffering.

If you married someone that you love then this shouldn't be a problem. For me when my wife and I cuddle, kiss or hold hands it shows that we are attracted to each other and in love, sex isn't the only way to express your love. If my wife stopped showing any affection to me then I would likely feel rejected, but as long as we were still doing the things I mentioned above then sex isn't necessary to show each other how we feel. 

 

23 minutes ago, Overwatch said:

"Sex Goddess"?  Lol I think it's just about being honest with yourself. If you can handle being turned away (outside of exceptional circumstances like illness, pregnancy, etc.) then that's on you.  If being physically intimate is not one of your top priorities then of course a less active spouse would be fine for you.

1 hour ago, Lee said:

No one likes being turned down but a woman or man's body is theirs and no one else has any right to be offended or annoyed that their spouse doesn't want to be intimate with them. 

 

23 minutes ago, Overwatch said:

That is, again, your preference. To me I love my wife enough to ask [if one day she wants to not be intimate for a long time]  "Why" she doesn't want to be intimate with me and if her reason isn't fair to me then I will try to ask for a middle ground. If I am rejected for a middle ground then I will suggest therapy. If therapy doesn't work then I will go to the Lord and ask for my next course of action. I would not be fine for a random LONG period of time without re-consummating my marital bonds. 

 

My wife doesn't have to explain to me why she doesn't want to, that is her prerogative the same way it would be mine. There should be no middle ground the choice of a spouse to abstain should be respected by the other spouse. To try to convince your spouse to be intimate with you when they have told you they don't want to is disrespectful. 

Edited by Lee

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2 minutes ago, Lee said:

Well there are many other ways to enjoy your youth that do no involve constant sex. 

 

If you married someone that you love then this shouldn't be a problem. For me when my wife and I cuddle, kiss or hold hands it shows that we are attracted to each other and in love, sex isn't the only way to express your love. If my wife stopped showing any affection to me then I would likely feel rejected, but as long as we were still doing the things I mentioned above then sex isn't necessary to show each other how we feel. 

 

No one likes being turned down but a woman or man's body is theirs and no one else has any right to be offended or annoyed that their spouse doesn't want to be intimate with them. 

 

My wife doesn't have to explain to me why she doesn't want to, that is her prerogative the same way it would be mine. There should be no middle ground the choice of a spouse to abstain should be respected by the other spouse. To try to convince your spouse to be intimate with you when they have told you they don't want to is disrespectful. 

See all of these answers work for YOU....

I think everyone has the right to enjoy as much intimacy as they want within the bonds of marriage. I think that every person has the right to find their, within God's standard, mate that fits with not only their spiritual personality but also their physical as well.

I don't know what else to say.

I am glad that we were able to get two sides though. Good stuff.

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24 minutes ago, Overwatch said:

Interesting. Usually men I spoken to on this topic are very much for having more than less intimacy time. Still, you have a  right to your preference

1 hour ago, Lee said:

 I am like most men I would rather have more physical intimacy than less but I am more concerned with being a respectful husband and ensuring my wife is always comfortable. My wife and I have not had sex for 4 months before when she has been stressed with her studies and that is fine, we are still affectionate with each other.

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5 minutes ago, Overwatch said:

See all of these answers work for YOU....

I think everyone has the right to enjoy as much intimacy as they want within the bonds of marriage. I think that every person has the right to find their, within God's standard, mate that fits with not only their spiritual personality but also their physical as well.

I don't know what else to say.

I am glad that we were able to get two sides though. Good stuff.

Spiritual is more important though. If you find a woman who you love and she loves you and God has confirmed that she is the one for you then the physical side dwindles in comparison. Women with high sex drives are easy to find but finding a woman you want to spend the rest of your life with even if it means limited sex is hard but worthwhile. 

I believe all men and women should respect their spouses decisions fully when it comes to physical intimacy. 

Edited by Lee

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Just now, Lee said:

 I am like most men I would rather have more physical intimacy than less but I am more concerned with being a respectful husband and ensuring my wife is always comfortable. My wife and I have not had sex for 4 months before when she has been stressed with her studies and that is fine, we are still affectionate with each other.

oh my goodness...

Well I admire your seemingly long suffering personality. Respect is always a 100% thing, I agree with you fully on that. HOWEVER there are women who are in the same boat as most men. They would just like a nice schedule with a healthy dose of lovin, ya know, maybe squeeze them in during a math break.

Lots of love man, thanks for the dialogue

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Just now, Lee said:

Spiritual is more important though. If you find a woman who you love and she loves you and God has confirmed that she is the one for you then the physical side dwindles in comparison. Women with high sex drives are easy to find but finding a woman you want to spend the rest of your life with even if it means limited sex is hard but worthwhile. 

*while I find this noble I do not agree. I find that BOTH attributes are very healthy and can strengthen the eternal bonds of lots of couples.

 

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Just now, Overwatch said:

*while I find this noble I do not agree. I find that BOTH attributes are very healthy and can strengthen the eternal bonds of lots of couples.

 

I could have a physical connection with many women but only the spiritual connection with my wife. 

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