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Hi

First of all, I love the Gospel, it brings so much joy in to my life 💙 but I'm really struggling to go to Church at the moment due to the social aspect.

I hardly see anyone from Church from week to week. My ministers don't visit even though I have asked, I had a family home evening at my home and no one turned up. I have offered service to people and been turned down, I have invited people to dinner who haven't got an available time in 3 months and given the brush off. I've only been invited to five other people's houses in the ward for dinner ever. It makes me so upset to see all the mums in the ward doing things I never get invited to.

I have lots of friends outside the church who are non members so I've stopped trying to be social at Church and just focusing on spending time with them which I'm getting judged for and have had people suggesting I'm breaking the wow etc.. Which I am not btw, temple worthy.   I have spoken to the RS president about doing more social things in the ward but she said that isn't the purpose of Church.   I also minister to less actives who want nothing to do with me so get no social interaction there.   I did ask for a swap on the ministering but it was denied.

I'm really struggling to go to Church at the moment and find myself thinking what's the point.

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25 minutes ago, An Investigator said:

Hi

First of all, I love the Gospel, it brings so much joy in to my life 💙 but I'm really struggling to go to Church at the moment due to the social aspect.

I hardly see anyone from Church from week to week. My ministers don't visit even though I have asked, I had a family home evening at my home and no one turned up. I have offered service to people and been turned down, I have invited people to dinner who haven't got an available time in 3 months and given the brush off. I've only been invited to five other people's houses in the ward for dinner ever. It makes me so upset to see all the mums in the ward doing things I never get invited to.

I have lots of friends outside the church who are non members so I've stopped trying to be social at Church and just focusing on spending time with them which I'm getting judged for and have had people suggesting I'm breaking the wow etc.. Which I am not btw, temple worthy.   I have spoken to the RS president about doing more social things in the ward but she said that isn't the purpose of Church.   I also minister to less actives who want nothing to do with me so get no social interaction there.   I did ask for a swap on the ministering but it was denied.

I'm really struggling to go to Church at the moment and find myself thinking what's the point.

Hey!!!!

Sorry to hear you are having such a crappy time at church. I would suggest just having fun with your spouse. Start a new hobby together and build a strong bond there. Find other couples to hang out with if you can but if not don't sweat it. While non-members seem to have stronger kinsmen bonds (of which I am so jealous) they usually are getting in trouble, lol. I know because even though I didn't drink I was the DD and the end of the night was always the worst. Count your blessings, maybe these people are lame?  No sense in trying to be friends with fake people. It sounds like you are lonely and joining the Church you thought you were joining a real group of saintly people. haha. I assure there are some for real but most people need the name so they remember to actually be saints. Lower your expectations of the members. Just know they will be there if the bishop asks them to be  (some may actually truly love you but they are burnt out from doing all the volunteering)  To me it seems you are lonely and hunger for camaraderie. You know, girls night out LDS style!  Having tupperware parties and those clothes a ton of people lost a lot of money on. Want to be those edgy LDS moms?  Pure romantic sales!!! Wooo!  "I just like the creams, that's all"🤢  lol.  

look...

I can laugh now because I wanted the same thing. Today I have a relative come over and visit!!!  They watched the kids and I took my wife out on a date. it was sooo much fun. It is just what we needed  :)

I hope you find something to occupy you soon. I will check back on this thread to see how you are doing.

 

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15 minutes ago, Overwatch said:

Hey!!!!

Sorry to hear you are having such a crappy time at church. I would suggest just having fun with your spouse. Start a new hobby together and build a strong bond there. Find other couples to hang out with if you can but if not don't sweat it. While non-members seem to have stronger kinsmen bonds (of which I am so jealous) they usually are getting in trouble, lol. I know because even though I didn't drink I was the DD and the end of the night was always the worst. Count your blessings, maybe these people are lame?  No sense in trying to be friends with fake people. It sounds like you are lonely and joining the Church you thought you were joining a real group of saintly people. haha. I assure there are some for real but most people need the name so they remember to actually be saints. Lower your expectations of the members. Just know they will be there if the bishop asks them to be  (some may actually truly love you but they are burnt out from doing all the volunteering)  To me it seems you are lonely and hunger for camaraderie. You know, girls night out LDS style!  Having tupperware parties and those clothes a ton of people lost a lot of money on. Want to be those edgy LDS moms?  Pure romantic sales!!! Wooo!  "I just like the creams, that's all"🤢  lol.  

look...

I can laugh now because I wanted the same thing. Today I have a relative come over and visit!!!  They watched the kids and I took my wife out on a date. it was sooo much fun. It is just what we needed  :)

I hope you find something to occupy you soon. I will check back on this thread to see how you are doing.

 

Hey,

I am not actually that lonely,  I have lots of non member friends, I was one for 32 years of my life haha.   I think it's more frustration as outside of Church I am really sociable and my friends think i'm awesome, we have huge BBQ get togethers etc.. I guess, no one likes feeling excluded really or that they don't belong at Church.

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3 minutes ago, An Investigator said:

Hey,

I am not actually that lonely,  I have lots of non member friends, I was one for 32 years of my life haha.   I think it's more frustration as outside of Church I am really sociable and my friends think i'm awesome, we have huge BBQ get togethers etc.. I guess, no one likes feeling excluded really or that they don't belong at Church.

Ah, I see.

I can understand the feeling. Having such a great time with the non-members and feeling like part of the family but then going to church and you feel like an outsider or snubbed. I would say keep your friends you have and just be a good example. If you find that you are falling away because you feel excluded just treat it like a task. It is a commandment to serve and of course renew your covenants. Maybe if you don't expect anything from going to church, other than Love from Father, then you will be able to cope with the blandness of the situation. Just keep inviting people. Snag new ward members and converts as soon as they move in and start your own little group but be different; be willing to take in new participants :) 

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25 minutes ago, An Investigator said:

Hey,

I am not actually that lonely,  I have lots of non member friends, I was one for 32 years of my life haha.   I think it's more frustration as outside of Church I am really sociable and my friends think i'm awesome, we have huge BBQ get togethers etc.. I guess, no one likes feeling excluded really or that they don't belong at Church.

I know the feeling-my ward is the same way, and 99% of my close friends are not members. My ward is very old (average age 65. Not pejorative, just descriptive) and we have nothing in common either. I feel your pain big time. I'm so sorry you are going though this. 

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27 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

I know the feeling-my ward is the same way, and 99% of my close friends are not members. My ward is very old (average age 65. Not pejorative, just descriptive) and we have nothing in common either. I feel your pain big time. I'm so sorry you are going though this. 

We had a ward campout last night.  We do a lot of events like that where you can get to know members.  I think it goes a long way towards developing friendships, even with age and interest differences.

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1 minute ago, Grunt said:

We had a ward campout last night.  We do a lot of events like that where you can get to know members.  I think it goes a long way towards developing friendships, even with age and interest differences.

I only speak for me of course, but when other people don't want to form any relationship with you (much less a friendship) it can be very hard. 

 

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2 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

I only speak for me of course, but when other people don't want to form any relationship with you (much less a friendship) it can be very hard. 

 

Hard to form a relationship, or hard psychologically/sociologically?  Regardless, both are very hard.  There are people in my ward that seem to have no interest in forming a relationship with anyone.  They come to meetings then leave.  You never see them at service projects, events, etc.  When we have events like the campout last night, people who want to make friends show up.  Spending a weekend with a friendly group really helps open that door.  So does attending service projects, etc.  In my opinion, that's the best way to build those connections because the people who go usually want them, too.

I never wait to be invited.  I hear them in the announcements and show up.  It must be super tough if the ward doesn't have events or do service projects.

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7 minutes ago, Grunt said:

Hard to form a relationship, or hard psychologically/sociologically?  Regardless, both are very hard.

Exactly. I know how @An Investigator feels. My heart goes out to her. 

Edited by MormonGator
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4 hours ago, An Investigator said:

1. First of all, I love the Gospel, it brings so much joy in to my life 💙

2. I have spoken to the RS president about doing more social things in the ward but she said that isn't the purpose of Church.   I also minister to less actives who want nothing to do with me so get no social interaction there.   I did ask for a swap on the ministering but it was denied.

3. I'm really struggling to go to Church at the moment and find myself thinking what's the point.

1. Huge hats off AI, as this is the most important part of it all. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. At different times in my life I've felt this way. I've lived in about 15 different wards around the world. Some were great and social, some were duds. Even the ones that were great and social, had their ups and downs - usually a reflection upon what group of people were on the Ward Council at the time.

2. If requests for help are repeatedly falling upon deaf ears at the mid-management level (RS President), schedule a meeting with your upper management, your Branch President or Bishop for a personal interview. I would share with him everything you put in your OP. Ask him, "What can I do Bishop, this is the problem I'm struggling with? I need your assistance".

3. See #2, start there.

Lastly, if those in your area are duds, and unfortunately there are dud members sometimes - never forget about "us" here. We can serve as fill-ins when times get tough. No one says we can't help support one another, like we try to do, just because we are not in the same ward. Praying and wishing the best for you. Next step... calling the Ward Executive Secretary to set up that meeting with your Bishop 😉

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16 hours ago, NeedleinA said:

1. Huge hats off AI, as this is the most important part of it all. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. At different times in my life I've felt this way. I've lived in about 15 different wards around the world. Some were great and social, some were duds. Even the ones that were great and social, had their ups and downs - usually a reflection upon what group of people were on the Ward Council at the time.

2. If requests for help are repeatedly falling upon deaf ears at the mid-management level (RS President), schedule a meeting with your upper management, your Branch President or Bishop for a personal interview. I would share with him everything you put in your OP. Ask him, "What can I do Bishop, this is the problem I'm struggling with? I need your assistance".

3. See #2, start there.

Lastly, if those in your area are duds, and unfortunately there are dud members sometimes - never forget about "us" here. We can serve as fill-ins when times get tough. No one says we can't help support one another, like we try to do, just because we are not in the same ward. Praying and wishing the best for you. Next step... calling the Ward Executive Secretary to set up that meeting with your Bishop 😉

I am going to be honest, there is no way I would speak to my Bishop about it.   I find him quite unapproachable and unless I have a sinned and therefore need to speak to him which has never happened so far.  I would never speak to him about anything. Aside from preparing for my endowment I've spoken to him twice. 

It's fine,  I will try and work through it on my own.   Thanks for the advice though. 

Edited by An Investigator
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3 hours ago, An Investigator said:

I am going to be honest, there is no way I would speak to my Bishop about it.   I find him quite unapproachable and unless I have a sinned and therefore need to speak to him which has never happened so far.  I would never speak to him about anything. Aside from preparing for my endowment I've spoken to him twice. 

It's fine,  I will try and work through it on my own.   Thanks for the advice though. 

I'm sorry to hear this AI, a Bishop should be someone that we feel we can approach on a variety of topics if needed, not just repentance or recommends.
I printed off your post this morning and shared it with my Sunday School class today, the topic was: "Why is it important to follow the counsel given by priesthood leaders?".

Before they knew what the topic was, I read them your post and then asked them - what advice would you give this individual? Their answers were basically in this order:
1. Talk to your Bishop
2. Keep trying
3. Invite others to do things even more & more & more
4. Pray that even if the circumstances don't change, that perhaps it simply doesn't bother you as much
5. Meet with the Stake President
6. Change Wards

They felt really bad for you, as do I.
I shared your post with my family on the ride home as they asked how my class went. They all felt bad for you and my wife said you can come live here and go to our Ward instead. 😉

Ultimately, this feels more like a "local" issue right now, hence, talking with the "local" Bishop is the best 'start'. If the Bishop is honestly a brick wall without compassion or understanding, then move up the ladder again and visit with your Stake President. If your ward really truly-truly is a giant dud ask the Stake President to go to a different Ward. If the option ever gets to the point of 'go to different Ward' or 'don't go to church at all', well chose going to a different Ward.

Best of luck to you AI!

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4 hours ago, NeedleinA said:

I'm sorry to hear this AI, a Bishop should be someone that we feel we can approach on a variety of topics if needed, not just repentance or recommends.
I printed off your post this morning and shared it with my Sunday School class today, the topic was: "Why is it important to follow the counsel given by priesthood leaders?".

Before they knew what the topic was, I read them your post and then asked them - what advice would you give this individual? Their answers were basically in this order:
1. Talk to your Bishop
2. Keep trying
3. Invite others to do things even more & more & more
4. Pray that even if the circumstances don't change, that perhaps it simply doesn't bother you as much
5. Meet with the Stake President
6. Change Wards

They felt really bad for you, as do I.
I shared your post with my family on the ride home as they asked how my class went. They all felt bad for you and my wife said you can come live here and go to our Ward instead. 😉

Ultimately, this feels more like a "local" issue right now, hence, talking with the "local" Bishop is the best 'start'. If the Bishop is honestly a brick wall without compassion or understanding, then move up the ladder again and visit with your Stake President. If your ward really truly-truly is a giant dud ask the Stake President to go to a different Ward. If the option ever gets to the point of 'go to different Ward' or 'don't go to church at all', well chose going to a different Ward.

Best of luck to you AI!

Thanks for the reply,  I'm going to try and go with option 4 probably,  do the minimum, ie Sunday attendance and call it good.   Maybe when my kids are older and I'm doing more things on a stake level I will have the opportunity to meet others. 

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